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Old 06-13-2010, 10:02 AM   #1
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zmc02h HB User
Obsession?

I'm not sure where to start really...

Basis of my problem is that I was with my partner for 2 years, the first year was a normal relationship, we really fell in love. The second year, I fell into depression after my parents split up, and I failed to complete my A Levels to go further into University. I lost contact with all my friends, and only had 'Mark' with me the whole duration. Because he was the only one to talk to me, I would take out my anger on him... which happens to people in general when they are frustrated at themselves with only one person to talk to for a whole year, I guess? He knew how sorry I was, and that I didn't mean it, but I still continued to hurt him. And up until the last few months, he gave up and said we 'were done'.

I do completely understand and agree with him, I really hurt him and ruined things between us. But it's been several months now, and I haven't moved on one bit. I have been on Fluoxetine for 2 months, and I'm currently seeing a counsellor, but it doesn't help whatsoever.

If I were to describe how I feel about the situation right now, I feel as if I'm addicted to his attention, and if I annoy him or he ignores me, I go into some weird state. I start to breathe incredibly fast, I won't stop crying, I stroke my legs uncontrolably, pull my hair, I'll start to grab my skin as if I want to rip it off, bang my head against the wall... etc.

Don't get me wrong, I love him more than anything, I want him to be happy no matter what, but I really cannot stop thinking about him, I can't get over how badly I ruined things. No matter what I do, go to see friends, go to the gym, do something productive... he's always in the back of my mind, and it's driving me crazy. The thought of perhaps mingling with a new guy, makes me feel sick. I honestly have no idea what to do anymore



TL;DR - I've tried so hard to accept our relationship is over fod good, but I'm going crazy, mentally. Is there really nothing else I can do?

 
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Old 06-13-2010, 12:44 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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rubyred716 HB User
Re: Obsession?

Hi,

I'm really sorry you had to go through this and are upset. Me and my boyfriend broke up a year and a half ago and we went out for 3 1/2 years. It was hard for about 6 months. After some time the hurt goes away, trust me. It's not easy because you were used to Mark, and used to him being there. I think you need to focus on you right now. Don't think about any other relationships. Focus on school, and a job. That's what you need to do. Did you tell him you were sorry and that you didn't mean to take your anger out on him? I would've told him that, and asked him for another chance and explain to him you won't do that anymore. But if you didn't tell him that, I think it's too late now since it's been a few months. Does he ever text you or you text him and say hi to one another?

Last edited by Mod-S4; 06-13-2010 at 10:33 PM. Reason: Unnecessary quote removed.

 
Old 06-13-2010, 01:14 PM   #3
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Re: Obsession?

Antidepressants can take a while to work. But if you really feel like it's not doing anything, it may be that Fluoxetine isn't the right one for you. If after another month you don't feel any impact of the med, see if you can try a different one. It does sound like your feelings could be routed in depression and it's just the issue you are hanging on to. For some reason when you experience depression you can obsess on one particular thing more than others and your deep relationship with him would make that a prime target.

Don't give up on getting better. It's only been a few months and, as I said, you sometimes have to play around with different antidepressants to find the one that works for you. Other than than, and letting time work it's magic, I honestly don't know what more you can do. You have taken some intelligent steps to get help. It just might take a while for things to kick in.

 
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