I'm not sure where to start really...
Basis of my problem is that I was with my partner for 2 years, the first year was a normal relationship, we really fell in love. The second year, I fell into depression after my parents split up, and I failed to complete my A Levels to go further into University. I lost contact with all my friends, and only had 'Mark' with me the whole duration. Because he was the only one to talk to me, I would take out my anger on him... which happens to people in general when they are frustrated at themselves with only one person to talk to for a whole year, I guess? He knew how sorry I was, and that I didn't mean it, but I still continued to hurt him. And up until the last few months, he gave up and said we 'were done'.
I do completely understand and agree with him, I really hurt him and ruined things between us. But it's been several months now, and I haven't moved on one bit. I have been on Fluoxetine for 2 months, and I'm currently seeing a counsellor, but it doesn't help whatsoever.
If I were to describe how I feel about the situation right now, I feel as if I'm addicted to his attention, and if I annoy him or he ignores me, I go into some weird state. I start to breathe incredibly fast, I won't stop crying, I stroke my legs uncontrolably, pull my hair, I'll start to grab my skin as if I want to rip it off, bang my head against the wall... etc.
Don't get me wrong, I love him more than anything, I want him to be happy no matter what, but I really cannot stop thinking about him, I can't get over how badly I ruined things. No matter what I do, go to see friends, go to the gym, do something productive... he's always in the back of my mind, and it's driving me crazy. The thought of perhaps mingling with a new guy, makes me feel sick. I honestly have no idea what to do anymore
TL;DR - I've tried so hard to accept our relationship is over fod good, but I'm going crazy, mentally. Is there really nothing else I can do?