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Old 06-14-2010, 07:22 AM   #1
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Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

I've been spending time with someone who I quite like and am fairly but not very attracted to. I value her company and the time we spend together.

Of course I'd like to sleep with her but†I†sense†that she's looking for more than that.

If I tell her I'm not interested in a relationship, that would be fair to her but she might stop wanting to spend time with me, right?

The other thing is that I've not been in a relationship for a long time

 
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Old 06-14-2010, 08:16 AM   #2
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

Just sleeping with somebody who has actual feelings with someone is like taking candy from a baby. Too easy and very very wrong. I dont recommend it. You could do serious harm to her. If you value her as a friend, why would you potentially hurt her like that? Women dont feel the way about sex that men do. It's how we connect. It's how we show somebody we really love them, and only them. Where as men can just have fun with it, and aside from pleasant pass time, the emotional level just isn't there. Long story short, dont do it! Keep her as a friend and treat her with respect.

 
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Old 06-14-2010, 08:39 AM   #3
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

This is the same post from two days ago(exact same words) but left out that you've already slept with her and some other details like she sleeps with other guys as one night stands. As I said in the other post...you are just assuming she wants more. I think if you've already slept with her it's kind of too late to tell her you aren't interested in her without hurting her feelings...BUT I believe that you need to and take your chances and hope she is understanding rather than continuing to have sex with her and making her think there's more than just a friendship. At least then she will know the truth! Maybe she's one of those rare women that doesn't really take sex all that seriously and all she really wants from you is a FWB relationship.
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Last edited by xpcandy; 06-14-2010 at 08:40 AM.

 
Old 06-14-2010, 08:47 AM   #4
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by xpcandy View Post
This is the same post from two days ago(exact same words) but left out that you've already slept with her and some other details like she sleeps with other guys as one night stands. As I said in the other post...you are just assuming she wants more. I think if you've already slept with her it's kind of too late to tell her you aren't interested in her without hurting her feelings...BUT I believe that you need to and take your chances and hope she is understanding rather than continuing to have sex with her and making her think there's more than just a friendship. At least then she will know the truth! Maybe she's one of those rare women that doesn't really take sex all that seriously and all she really wants from you is a FWB relationship.
I suspect the previous thread was removed because discussion moved from emotional to physical.

I have not even kissed her!

Maybe you would be so kind as to edit your post to make it less about the physical possibilities. Hopefully this thread won't be removed.

Thanks for replying again, I do appreciate everyone's comments.

I think you're right in that she does want a emotionally committed relationship despite what she may have done in the past with others

 
Old 06-14-2010, 08:47 AM   #5
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

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Originally Posted by justmel30 View Post
Women dont feel the way about sex that men do. It's how we connect. It's how we show somebody we really love them, and only them. Where as men can just have fun with it,
Maybe in general, but I've definitely known some women who have (according to your analysis) a man's view of sex.

 
Old 06-14-2010, 09:05 AM   #6
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

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Originally Posted by tibbytommy View Post
I suspect the previous thread was removed because discussion moved from emotional to physical.

I have not even kissed her!

Maybe you would be so kind as to edit your post to make it less about the physical possibilities. Hopefully this thread won't be removed.

Thanks for replying again, I do appreciate everyone's comments.

I think you're right in that she does want a emotionally committed relationship despite what she may have done in the past with others
Well it's kind of hard to answer posts when details change and important facts are left out. There would be no reason to delete a post for saying there was sexual contact involved. That's very common in the relationship forums. So the first thread said you've had sex with her this thread says that you've never even kissed her before....I'm very confused!
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Old 06-14-2010, 09:10 AM   #7
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by xpcandy View Post
Well it's kind of hard to answer posts when details change and important facts are left out. There would be no reason to delete a post for saying there was sexual contact involved. That's very common in the relationship forums. So the first thread said you've had sex with her this thread says that you've never even kissed her before....I'm very confused!
I take your point. I'm not sure actually why the whole thread was deleted without trace but I can see the rules say that the physical aspects of relationships cannot be discussed.

Nothing physical happened between us, not even a kiss! And I didn't say otherwise on here.

You're right though that I did initially leave out the thing about her having been promiscuous in the past, and perhaps it's difficult for me to be just friends with that knowledge...

 
Old 06-14-2010, 09:18 AM   #8
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

here is something that worked for a friend of mine. He was good friends with a woman and started a conversation with her that went like "It's so nice to have you as a friend with not having to think about if we are attracted to each other" or something like that. In other words he was telling her that he was not attracted to her in THAT WAY...just as a friend with no pressure. You'll have to come up with your own words there...I can't remember exactly how he worded it. But he said to me that he was not at all attracted to her in the least bit but that when he said that to her she looked kind of disappointed BUT they remained friends and there was never any awkward moments after that!
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Old 06-14-2010, 09:21 AM   #9
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

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Originally Posted by BeaTrade View Post
here is something that worked for a friend of mine. He was good friends with a woman and started a conversation with her that went like "It's so nice to have you as a friend with not having to think about if we are attracted to each other" or something like that. In other words he was telling her that he was not attracted to her in THAT WAY...just as a friend with no pressure.
thanks ! unfortunately I am attracted to her though!

 
Old 06-14-2010, 09:55 AM   #10
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

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Originally Posted by tibbytommy View Post
thanks ! unfortunately I am attracted to her though!

what?
in your first post you say you're NOT attracted to her.....

 
Old 06-14-2010, 10:00 AM   #11
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

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Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
what?
in your first post you say you're NOT attracted to her.....
I said "I quite like and am fairly but not very attracted to her"!!!

 
Old 06-14-2010, 11:22 AM   #12
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

This whole thread has my head spinning.




Have you slept with her already?
ARE you sexually attracted to her?
Are you concerned about her past?
Why are there so many contradictions going on here?

Anyway, I think the simple answer is that it would be a bad idea to sleep with if you are not looking for a relationship. Sort of a cut and dry rule of thumb. Especially if she has feelings for you emotionally.

Last edited by River rocks; 06-14-2010 at 11:23 AM.

 
Old 06-14-2010, 11:46 AM   #13
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by River rocks View Post
Have you slept with her already?
ARE you sexually attracted to her?
Are you concerned about her past?
Why are there so many contradictions going on here?

1. No
2. Yes
3. A little
4. Because there was a previous thread which disappeared

 
Old 08-19-2010, 06:10 AM   #14
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

yes, women are very vulnerable to past relationships. maybe you might slow a little bit and be patient, why not be friends before taking to the next step, you see, trust must be develop first, then you can slowly do your thing

 
Old 08-19-2010, 06:42 AM   #15
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Re: Female†friend†romantically interested, what to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by tibbytommy View Post
I said "I quite like and am fairly but not very attracted to her"!!!
Umm...yeah, what the heck does that mean??!! "Fairly but not very" I gotta say, can you BE more vague, wishy washy and non-commital??

Are you in love with her? Are you ready to commit to her and be her loyal, exclusive, faithful boyfriend and are you ready to pursue, in good faith, a real relationship with her to see where it goes? Anything less than an enthusiastic, unequivocal YES to all this, and you'll lose the friendship if you have sex with her and it goes south. And most likely one of you, probably her, will end up very hurt.

 
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