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Old 06-14-2010, 04:54 PM   #1
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how do I stop being so selfish

my boyfriend and i have been together for 13 years and live together for the past 3 years. i dont know why i am so selfish with him. I constantly want his attention and affection. Hes pretty affectionate to but it kinda drives him crazy that he cant get some time to himself or to take care of his sick dad without me telling him how much I missed him while he was gone. it makes him feel under pressure. I know i dont mean to be selfish it just happens. i feel terribal that i have made him feel under pressure especially since he takes care of his dad one day a week and his dad is dying. i feel like such a bad girlfriend. My boyfriends work schedule has changed over the last 3 years where he has to work longer hours, and his dad got sick so hes not home on Fridays and doesnt get home till 8pm, he has family reunion meetings 2 saturdays out of the month for the last 6 months, and he goes to they gym 2 nights out of the week, so i feel like I dont get to see him as much as I like. Its not only this issue that I just think about myself, its other stuff to, but its like my brain doesnt think until he tells me im being selfish again. i dont want to be selfish and would like some suggestions on how i can get over the selfish thing. im not sure if its because im an only child and was spoiled or what.
thanks

 
Old 06-14-2010, 05:06 PM   #2
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Re: how do I stop being so selfish

Hmmm,
Have you met his dying father? Have you ever been asked to go along with our boyfriend to the familiy reunion meetings? (twice a month "meetings"?) I don't know...something sounds fishy. I'm not trying to make you second guess him or anything, but it seems he has a lot of excuses to get away. Is it possible he is seeing someone else?
Have you ever mentioned joining the same gym, or going along to one of those family reunion meetings?

 
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Old 06-14-2010, 05:19 PM   #3
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Re: how do I stop being so selfish

I totally agree with RiverRocks,if I were you I would make it known that I would love to join the gym so that I can attend along with him and I would also like to be part of a couple of the family reunions. I hope you don't mind my saying this...I only have mere sentences to base any opinion upon...but I don't find you selfish. I find you a bit clingy, maybe, but that may only be a natural response to the fact that your boyfriend of many years is suddenly becoming less and less of a companion in your life. I have a bit of a red flag about all of the family stuff, quite honestly. I'm not buying it.
best wishes to you!!
Sue

 
Old 06-16-2010, 01:57 PM   #4
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Re: how do I stop being so selfish

You're being too clingy and hes purposely trying to get away to be able have some time to himself. He's feeling suffocated.

The more you push the more he's going to pull away. This is about being insecure. You need to have a life that doesn't revolve around him. When he sees that he won't need to have so much time spent away from you.

 
Old 06-18-2010, 05:23 PM   #5
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Re: how do I stop being so selfish

On the other hand, if his father is dying and he's providing the family support one day a week and the "reunions" are meetings to work out estate issues and make joint decisions about his continuing care, then you have yourself what's called a "keeper". (Trust me, my siblings went as far in the other direction as they could.)

And if you have met the Dad and know that his situation is true, then I think he needs and deserves a visit to the gym by himself. But I've been there, done that. It sounds like it won't be all that long before the situation resolves itself with the Dad's death. After a window of time, then I think it would be okay to approach the idea of working out together but if the father's illness is "real", then he deserves his space right now.

 
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