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Old 06-16-2010, 08:32 AM   #1
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Please help me de-code guyspeak

OK I posted awhile ago about my long distance relationship fizzling...well it continued to fizzle to a point where I gave him the "let's just be friends" speech , to give myself closure and to save some face. We've kept in touch periodically and it's been surprisingly OK...he actually seems friendlier and more open now. Then yesterday he drops this on me...we're texting back and forth about how we're doing, and he says he's "putting himself on the job market this year, and should be living in my area by next summer"!! (He's a teacher so has to finish up this school year). He has other friends and family in my area so it wouldn't be just for me, but still. I had no idea how to respond so wrote "Are you serious? I'd love that" and he wrote back "I'm totally serious and I'd love it too." Don't worry, I'm NOT planning on pining away for him for a whole year, but just wondering if this is his way of saying he's still interested? Still wants some kind of future? I know I need to talk to him more about it, but just wondering thoughts on where the h this is coming from. Thanks!!

 
Old 06-16-2010, 09:20 AM   #2
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Re: Please help me de-code guyspeak

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfmoon View Post
OK I posted awhile ago about my long distance relationship fizzling...well it continued to fizzle to a point where I gave him the "let's just be friends" speech , to give myself closure and to save some face. We've kept in touch periodically and it's been surprisingly OK...he actually seems friendlier and more open now. Then yesterday he drops this on me...we're texting back and forth about how we're doing, and he says he's "putting himself on the job market this year, and should be living in my area by next summer"!! (He's a teacher so has to finish up this school year). He has other friends and family in my area so it wouldn't be just for me, but still. I had no idea how to respond so wrote "Are you serious? I'd love that" and he wrote back "I'm totally serious and I'd love it too." Don't worry, I'm NOT planning on pining away for him for a whole year, but just wondering if this is his way of saying he's still interested? Still wants some kind of future? I know I need to talk to him more about it, but just wondering thoughts on where the h this is coming from. Thanks!!

It is a good thing you will not be planning to pine away for him till he arrives. To be really honest with you, I think he is setting up his lifeline and saftey net before he even gets back to your area. Some guys like to have something lined up for security reasons. Im not trying to downplay what you mean to him because I don't know. but I remember from your last issue with him that he let things fade away.

If you want to be happy and if you still want to be attractive to him, the BEST way to do that will to be to forget about his moving near you and don't live for that. Be happy and start dating others. Find your own life. Make sure he realizes you are not staying on his fishing line just for him. You have a life!
And the IF and when he moves near you, you will happy with or without him.

Last edited by River rocks; 06-16-2010 at 09:27 AM.

 
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Old 06-16-2010, 09:21 AM   #3
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Re: Please help me de-code guyspeak

IMO, guys tend to be fairly direct, particularly when pursuing a woman. I would not put anything into this beyond that he has other friends and family in the area also, and that you are his friend. If he's not making any hints about getting back together, odds are he's not thinking about it. I'm generalizing, of course, because there are certain guys that are huge into games and not saying what they really think, but IMO most guys don't do that. In fact, I think one of the worst mistakes we women make is over analyzing what guys think and reading more into it than there actually is.

 
Old 06-16-2010, 10:37 AM   #4
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Re: Please help me de-code guyspeak

he's keeping his options open

 
Old 06-16-2010, 03:07 PM   #5
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Re: Please help me de-code guyspeak

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Originally Posted by halfmoon View Post
but just wondering if this is his way of saying he's still interested? Still wants some kind of future?
Whoa, halfmoon, don't get ahead of yourself! I think this is just his way of saying he's still single, happens to be moving to your area, where he also has family and friends, and will want to have sex and have dinner with someone when he gets to town, and you are one, I repeat, ONE, option that will allow him to do that, possibly. I know it will feel awkward if you do see him again, but you will have to pretty much start from scratch. I think it would be a mistake to think he's this guy you have this wonderful connection with and you can pick things up from where you were when things were at their very best between you. Carry on with your life until and unless he gets to town, and if he calls you up, great. But start from there. Remember, the relationship already fizzled out, and it fizzled out for a reason.

 
Old 06-21-2010, 10:10 AM   #6
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Re: Please help me de-code guyspeak

Thanks all. Believe me I don't want to wait around for him, and I know it's a big if he even ends up moving here. I just thought it was kind of a strange thing to say to me, considering we just "broke up" (or fizzled out or whatever). I tend to agree that he's keeping his options open, and not just giving me an fyi as a friend, but maybe I'm wrong.

So I don't know how to proceed with him at this point...I guess just continue to be friends, and let him do the initiating? We work in the same industry and I considered helping him with his job search but is that a bad idea? I agree it'll be very awkward next time I see him, whenever that is. I see our mutual friends pretty often, so not sure how that'll work if he comes back.

 
Old 06-21-2010, 10:57 AM   #7
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Re: Please help me de-code guyspeak

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfmoon View Post
So I don't know how to proceed with him at this point...I guess just continue to be friends, and let him do the initiating? We work in the same industry and I considered helping him with his job search but is that a bad idea? I agree it'll be very awkward next time I see him, whenever that is. I see our mutual friends pretty often, so not sure how that'll work if he comes back.
I think you should continue to be friends and move on. Don't wait for him to initiate anything. Your dating relationship is over. If you want to help him on his job search as his friend, with absolutely no ulterior motives, then that's nice of you. If it's to keep constant contact with him in the hopes that he will start dating you again, then don't do it. If you're hung up on the guy, you probably should avoid him until those feelings are gone. He doesn't even need to know you're avoiding him- you live in different towns. Just stay polite but be busy for a while. It sounds like you have unrealistic expectations here and that you're just going to get hurt by this guy again. You're setting yourself up to be used.

 
Old 06-21-2010, 11:45 AM   #8
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Re: Please help me de-code guyspeak

Thanks Eagle...yeah my instinct is telling me to not help him with the job search, because I guess I do have ulterior motives to keep us in touch. I don't really have expectations at this point, but maybe some hope which I probably shouldn't have anymore. What do you mean setting myself up to be used?

 
Old 06-21-2010, 12:26 PM   #9
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Re: Please help me de-code guyspeak

I agree with EagleRiverDee. When you offer your job searching help, it could very easily slip into a physical thing. You would end up being the friend with benefits. I agree with the advice given.. stay away until you literally do not have the feelings for him. Otherwise, let him persue. But don't wait for him. Its too likely you would be disappointed.

Last edited by River rocks; 06-21-2010 at 12:27 PM.

 
Old 06-21-2010, 02:59 PM   #10
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Re: Please help me de-code guyspeak

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfmoon View Post
What do you mean setting myself up to be used?
If I may put my two cents in here, I think the very fact that you're giving this so much thought and putting so much energy into it already kind of suggests, as you say, you are hoping that when he comes to town, he will want to be your boyfriend. He might call you up, ask you out, sweet talk you a little, show you a wonderful evening, and you'll sleep with him, thinking it's the start of something, when all he wanted was sex. Back when I was a young girl, we called that "being used." When a guy made us think, through sweet talk and such, that he was interested in a relationship so a girl has sex, when all he wanted was a warm body for an hour or two. That's what we used to call being "used." I guess young people see things differently today. But I think if you have any kind of feelings for him at all, any kind of hope at all of him becoming your boyfriend or this turning into a relatinoship, keep sex out of it until and unless you're sure that's what he wants, too.

 
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