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Old 09-03-2010, 08:18 PM   #1
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What is love?

How do you know if a relationship is going thru a rough patch, or if the person just doesn't love you anymore? It seems like once every few (4/5) months my bf goes thru these bad moods which causes distance b/w us. We've never gone a full week not talking, but now here we are (and living together). He always says nothing is perfect and people aren't going to get along 100% of the time in a relationship, but I always say if 2 people love each other than they should be able to. I'm just afraid the real problem is he doesn't love me anymore. And I'm not the one to stay if I'm not what he wants. I'm just not sure how to figure it out. I've been fine all week, but the more I sit here with no communication, the more I think I'm not the one. Something just keeps telling me...

 
Old 09-04-2010, 02:14 AM   #2
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Re: What is love?

I've been with my husband almost 20 years now. Your bf is correct when he says nothing is perfect 100% of the time.

My husband and I have had disagreements over the years but we've never had reason to believe one of us didn't love the other, and we've never gone a day without talking to each other.

I can't imagine what it would be like to go a whole week with no communication especially when you're living together. That, to me, is totally disrespectful and I wouldn't stand for it. Have you tried talking to him, or are you keeping silent too?

If you're making the effort and he's not making any, I'd seriously reconsider the relationship, as one without respect isn't worth having, in my opinion.

 
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Old 09-04-2010, 03:14 AM   #3
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Re: What is love?

To be honest, no I hadn't talked to him either. I did actually try a few hours ago and yes he responded, but we didn't get anywhere. I got frustrated and walked away. Guess that was wrong.
Neither of us is good at relationships/discussing feelings. I haven't went to him because I'm not sure where to go with the convo. Like I said, I'm feeling like he doesn't care anymore, which would completely change the discussion. I believe he hasn't talked to me more so to avoid getting angry, not to be disrespectful.
I know I love him. He has always been honest, faithful, funny, responsible and reliable. I know if something was to happen to me right now, even if he's mad at me, I could count on him to be there. But that's his way, I don't know how much it indicates his feelings towards me.

 
Old 09-04-2010, 10:20 AM   #4
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Re: What is love?

EVen if you aren't the one, he'd never tell you. Men would rather cut off an arm than look you in the face and honestly say "I'm just not feeling it anymore, you're not the one." He'd be quite content to carry on like this indefinitely until the right woman comes along and then one day he just up and splits, or he'll stay with you forever and cheat or periodically treat you with disrespect, or until you get frustrated and leave. He knows you're frustrated. He knows you're unhappy. He knows losing you is a possibility right now. He just doesn't care. You getting sick and tired and packing up and leaving might even be what he's hoping for, so he won't have to dump you and be the bad guy.

I don't think it matters why he's acting the way he's acting. The only question you have to ask yourself is, is this what you imagined when you were dreaming about being in love? Is this how you want your romantic life, your relationship, to go? I don't know if talking will help that much. Men don't really respond to talking. In fact, studies show that men's brains respond to a woman's speaking voice the exact same way they respond to musak. They tune it out. Men respond better to actions. Maybe if you packed up and spend a couple of nights with your parents, or a friend, or at a hotel and said "I can't stand the not talking and not communicating. I know there's something wrong, and you don't want to tell me what it is. I'm taking a breather, and hopefully when I get back we can discuss it like adults." If you make it clear to him he will lose you if he doesn't get with the program, and then he doesn't get with the program, then you know he doesn't care if he loses you, or is even hoping to lose you.

I dated someone who would pull this. Was the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful boyfriend in the world one minute, baking me brownies and giving me foot massages, then he'd turn sullen, didn't want to talk, wouldn't kiss me, "needed space," blah blah blah. I wasted so much time and energy trying to figure it out. Maybe he's depressed about his money situation. Maybe he's getting pressure from his friends or family. Maybe he's having doubts because of this or that topic, and we need to talk it out to find a good compromise we were both happy with. The truth was way more simple than any of that. He just wasn't that into me. He never really loved me. He just wanted to be for a minute. Men aren't anywhere near as complicated as we want to think they are.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 09-04-2010 at 10:26 AM.

 
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