Becoming a nice person - Relationship Health Message Board

Crawl · 08-17-2002, 01:45 PM

Hey folks, This is hard to explain. I had a true love once but I screwed it up. I have been divorced now for 8 years and no relations in that period. Now here is what I think my problem is. Someone posted a thread called "unlovable" and that is what got me thinking. I to think I am unlovable. I think I have taken my divorce and what she did to me so hard I find myself placing a target on every girl I meet. I mean I think that I purposely make rude and sarcastic remarks just to push them away at times. keep them from getting close. By doing this it keeps me safe. But it also keeps me lonely. I do not want to be the grinch and I know I am robbing myself of happiness. What do I do, how can I change? I want to be a likable person but find myself doing the same thing time and time again. There have been times where I would meet someone and spend a week or so getting to know one another but as soon as I find that I am getting to close I bail out, don't answer the phone ect, just flat out ignore the other person to keep it from going anywhere..What the hell is wrong with me?

ffsmith · 08-17-2002, 02:25 PM

I also have that impulse to say rude and stupid things at times.

I think you can change but it will not be quick or overnight.

Could you relive some of your rude or sarcastic remarks and other bad moves with these girls in your mind? But where you made the mistake substitute a different line. Practice talking and responding as you wish you were.

With a lot of practice your behavior should slowly change along with the results as you say and do more of the right thing than the wrong self-sabotage.

dsheldon3 · 08-17-2002, 02:33 PM

Hi Crawl, I understand what you are going through.My bf has been doing that to me for 15 years but I love him A LOT so its OK.I hope you find someone who is understanding also and won't make you feel guilty about it.*HUGS*

maui · 08-17-2002, 02:37 PM

Hi!
I htink the first thing you have to do is to find peace to yourself.You have to start loving yourself before you love or treat other person.If you do this ,you can be sure you know how to manage other people's feeling and emotion.Try to unwind.Find a new sport or read a good book..And ask yourself if you are really ready for a new relationship.Because if you are just lonely but not true to your feelings, you will just hurt the other kind.
I htink you also have to pray and ask for God's guidance and rest assured he will answer it all for you.Goodluck

blue cloud · 08-17-2002, 03:54 PM

idoexactly the same thing withe men as soon as someone tries to get close i put up my walls and push them away as hard as i can

i can be a nasty piece of work

but i have BPD and i am trying to get help to work on my relatioships although it is so hard it is true you really do have to start liking yourself before anyone can get close

i think i will always hate myself and i too lable myself unloveable