I can't help it. I'm trying to be supportive and happy for people, but I'm so sick of hearing it. My own love life is on hold, and I don't want to meet others' new loves. I meet them all the time over the years while I remain with no one. I just get sick of it. can anyone else relate? I wonder if people realize that they are sort of bragging and rubbing it in other peoples' faces when they talk about how sickly sweet they are in love, they can't wait for them to meet me, etc. I just don't think I can put another fake smile on and pretend I am happy for these people. Of course I am happy for them on some level, but I want what they have and it frustrates me that they can have it now and I cant. It isn't fair. Thanks for listening. I'm about to pop from the unfairness of it all.
I know how you feel Forrester. Many of my closest friends are married now, most of the rest have girlfriends, and I haven't dated anyone in four years. In fact, I've only had one serious relationship ever, and I'm 29! Other than that, I've been on a total of five dates in my whole life.
So, yes, I have some bitterness on this issue too.
For many years I was alone too. All I would meet is deadbeats. I finally got to a point where I said "obviously, it's not meant for me to meet someone", and I made and resolved myself to be alone the rest of my life. But not with bitterness, cause I was going to make the most of my life, if not with someone else, then with me. I don't have to be with someone to be happy. Guess, what happened. I met my husband, just out of the blue, right after I decided that there was no one for me. It can happen for the both of you too!
On another note, Forrester, when others want to introduce you to their significant other they are only wanting to share their joy with you cause you mean something special to them. They are not doing it to brag or rub it in your face. But I do understand how you feel. It just sinks your heart just a notch lower.
But please don't think bad of them. They are thinking highly of you to include you in their relationship. I have seen and lost so many friends because they meet their love and all of a sudden didn't have time for me. So the fact that they want to include you, means that they value your friendship highly. Value that. That is truly special and does not come around very often.
Hugs to you both. You will meet the person of your dreams when the time is right. Cat
Yes, bitter is a good word for it. I have to bite my tongue so much sometimes. I just erased all the bitter-sounding replies to another friend in love/about to be married. I know I am ready for it and would like it too. I want it. I'm not obsessive or anything, just someone who's ready and serious and intense but who stays in too much and so it's hard.
It means so much to me to know you are going through something similar. I feel very much alone. Thank you for replying to me. I am sorry to see that you are going through this too.
All right, you're on. I'll pick you up at 8.
Seriously, this is a big issue for me too and has been for a long time. You definitely have my heartfelt empathy. You seem like such an intelligent, caring, sensitive person from your posts, so I have no doubts you will find someone, if not tomorrow, then in the not-too-distant future.
Cat, thanks so much for your inspiring words of encouragement. You're right, bitterness is not exactly a recipe for a happy life and good things often happen when you're least expecting/aiming for them. Sometimes I have to watch myself though, or the bitterness creeps through!
What wonderful replies. Thank you so much. Cat, you know how to express things so well. I should be honored others want to share their sig. others with me. I think the prob with it is that that is all they talk about. Sometimes I wish they would change the subject and talk about something else. Espec when the other person cannot relate to what they keep talking about. And Cat about what you said that you resolved yourself to be alone and then you met your husband, I too, have done that so many times over the last 10 or 11 yrs. I'll go through periods where I'll say, great, I'll just be by myself for the rest of my life, and I like it. And guess what? I never met anyone then either. They say it comes when you least expect it. It doesn't even come when I'm least expecting it, and I'm really not at those times. So the saying doesn't ring true for me. I truly think it's because my options are limited here. I may be wrong but I feel my options are better somewhere else. Then the next time I start to feel better & feel it's okay to be on my own, then I will meet someone,because there will be more straight males hanging around. There are none around here where I live, the odds are pretty bad.
P.S. i met a nice guy on the chatboards tonight, it sort of inspired me that I can attract nice men. P.P.S. i know it can be dangerous to meet people online so I'll be careful.
I can really relate to this, and it's been the reason why I've been excessively depressed as of late. I actually didn't mind meeting my friend's significant others until my own relationship failed. The love of my life left me. Since then, I've also lost all of my friends to thier boyfriends and girlfriends. While I was going through all of that, they would constantly be with them and have absolutely no time for me. Eventually I flipped out on all of them, and lost them for good. I just couldn't help it, I was desperate and I was hurt so badly. It's amazing how cruel people can be. I'm only 20, and it seems like everyone I know is engaged, while I sit and mourn my break-up...I'm relieved to know that some others do feel the same way.
[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 08-17-2002).]
I so relate to you Forrester. I've read some of your other posts and I feel like I'm in the exact place as you. I feel intensely lonely all the time, and it seems everywhere you look people are all coupled up and happy. My last "relationship" (and I use that term loosely) ended a few weeks ago and I've been in a pit of depression ever since. I really feel like there is no one out there for me, and that's a hard thing to accept. Everyone says you will meet someone when you least expect it, but right now, it just doesn't seem true. Plus, all my friends have gotten married and have families, so it's not like they want to hang out with me when they have kids and husbands to do things with. Anyway, it helps to know other people are going through the same things as me. I guess we just have to plug along and find happiness where ever else we can. Take care!
It helps me so much and is a relief that I am not alone in this. I actually have saved this post to look at periodically. To remind me that others are going through the same thing and we all have to just keep plugging away.
One thing I notice that some people do who are in relationships a lot is that they always seem to be promoting themselves or flirting or really just putting themselves out there and being friendly, even if they have a relationship, it's like they are trying to find a backup if the current one they're in doesn't work out. I tend not to flirt a lot because I am a serious, intense person and I don't believe in being fake. So I have probably missed a lot of opportunities to meet significant others or even dates!
because I notice that even people with "issues" (as I call it) still seem to have boyfriends and dates, some whom are worse off than me issue-wise. I try to study these people to find out what they do, and they do seem to be more open to experiences. I seem to "shut down" and am quiet and introverted and serious (but I have a funny side). I know I shouldn't analyze it so much but it will be beneficial for the future.
You know, I really don't believe there is just one person for me nor in the whole fate thing. Instead, I believe that there are several men that are meant for me and it could work with any one of them, and it will probably take a few tries before making it work with different men.
Now the key is just to move to a place where there are lots of these men so I have a lot to choose from! (I'm going to go through a huge selective process, I'm sure!), as i'm sure they'll do with me.
Okay, thanks for responding, you all. Come back and respond more, newbie singles, you're not alone.
Oh one more thing. when I finally do have a significant other, I will NOT forget my single friends. I will do stuff alone with my single friends, I will ask them about other stuff besides boyfriends and not talk to them about my boyfriend all the time. I will remember ALWAYS what it is like to be on the other side of the single/taken situation. I will always make time for my single friends and acknowledge their specialness even though they don't have a man! It makes me happy knowing something good is coming out of all this-I am developing compassion for others and will not be so self-involved and won't talk about the relationship so much to my single friends when I'm in a relationship.
Just because people are IN relationships or married doesn't mean they are happy. Some people put on the act and pretend they're happy then go home and its a different story.
Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off alone than with someone who hurts my feelings so much.
You just took the words out of my mouth. For all of you who are single, please remember this. . .there are some things that are MUCH worse than being lonely. If you get the wrong person they can make you wish you were single again. On the other side of that - I don't mean to make light of your desire to have someone in your life - but you can take this to the bank. . .the wrong one can send you into a horrible tail spin and make your life more miserable than you EVER thought. And please take this as caring understanding advice. I've had my share of bad relationships and I would much rather be alone than with someone, and hurting. Try to be patient and just try to play the hand you've been dealt for right now.
My most sincere care and lots of hugs(((( http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif))))
THanks Bev52. It is just so hard to see the other side. I've had lots of bad relationships and I always get out immediately and go back to being alone again. I've gotten better so that I only stand these bad relationships for 3 months now. I've endured them for longer. Some I stop before they even begin. I never understood why someone who's not happy in a relationship would remain in it. I always left immediately; I would rather be alone (and true to form, I AM alone) than be in a painful relationship. I guess we are all different and we react differently to different things, and you need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes to understand.
i have read several of your posts. i have felt the same way that you do several times in my life...when my partying friends married, when i had my son and became single again soon after and trying to find the right man for me (AND my son!). if you have read any of my posts before, you know i feel my husband is my soul mate...corny, but true! we have problems but i would never let it show to the "world". i really don't think this is being fake. i just believe that to reap positive, we have to sow positive. i don't mean that you're negative but maybe the people that you see in those 'perfect' relationships don't have it as good as you think. i know what it is like to be alone...i was alone (with a son) for 5 years...now, that is a drought!! cat was right with her post....obviously, your friends think a lot of you to want you to meet their lovies. usually, people just sort of get "lost" when you are trying to find time to be with the ones you love. i swore that i wouldn't do it to my friends and family but somehow when i look back at the last 5 years, i see that it happened anyway. there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in a day to do everything that i would like to do.
i apologize for the rambly post....2am and i couldn't sleep Best wishes to you!
It's me again . . .I just wanted to tell you that I think you're a pretty strong and intelligent person if you took a hike as soon as you realized the relationships were not working. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif Most people stay until they almost,(or do), hate each other and have so much bitterness that it usually carries over into their future relationships (baggage), so don't be so hard on yourself. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/hammer.gif You sound like you're being cautious and analyzing the situation and know what you want - and DON'T want.
I can tell you why people stay together. . insecurity, fear of the "unknown," (maybe you'll wind up with someone worse than the one you already have), suspense that you will not find anyone else, wanting to keep what little stability you may have, yadda yadda yadda.
You get the picture. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/gabby.gif
I'm not speaking for everybody, but from my experiences, and talking with other people - this is what I have come away with. I wish I had been more like you. Please don't despair. Someone will come along and recognize all of your wonderful qualities, http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love2.gif then, you'll be glad you were so careful and picky.
I hope you don't think I'm just feeding you a load of crap I'm serious!
I truly wish you the best and hope that you will continue to keep that wonderful, sensible head on your shoulders.
P.P.S. . . No, I'm not through-this is just such a touchy subject with me(because I've made such a fool of myself in relationships) and I don't want you to think I'm treating it frivolously.
Someone mentioned the fact that many people are "acting" like they are soooo happy and soooo in love and everything is just peachy http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/rolleyes.gif
Listen, I'm not proud of this. . .but I have been one of those people and I put on a very good show. I didn't do it to "rub" it in anyone's face, I just wanted to truly be happy and thought if I 'acted' hard enough, we would really be happy. Also, it probably has something to do with "saving face."
I had a very wise person to tell me: "never believe anything you hear-and only half of what you see." I ask him, why? He said, "people say alot of things - sometimes well meaning - sometimes not." On the issue of "half of what you see," He said, "because there's no way you can know the entire situation, just by observing."
Now that I need publishers rights. . . http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/clown.gif (sniggle, http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/jester.gif sniggle), I truly hope I have helped - even if it's just a tiny, wee bit.