heartfelt pain! - Relationship Health Message Board

08-18-2002, 08:37 PM

It's me again with the same problem as before, lonely maried woman with two kids and husband is infatuated with his brothers wife. Your typical everyday problem right? I sure hope not I truely feel for any woman who has to go through what I have been putting up with for the past 3 1/2 years. I want so bad to leave him, but I love him very much and I don't want to do that to my kids. Today is our 12th anniversary and he worked midnights last night, I thought he would come home from work and we would have a nice breakfast out and a little time w/o the kids. So, just as I expected, he calls me from work and tells me that he is going to work over and wont be home until 1:00 this afternoon. Well, I try to work with it and make it work, send the kids to his moms and have a nice lunch waiting for him and then, you know, what most married couples do. Well, not this time, not even a kiss on the cheak, he did buy me some of those daisy's that you can get at wal-mart, don't get me wrong they were very nice, and at least they were still alive, which is more than I can say for the marrage. But then he went to bed, I do understand that he is tired, but it's our anniversary, and he didn't have to work over and he doesn't have to try to break his neck to make his brothers wife notice him by the way he acts so much like a leave it to beaver dad when she is around and as soon as she leaves, the smile is wiped off his face and he stops his idle chadder and goes right for the remote and TV is his life. I could and have stood right in front of him w/ my pants off and he will ask me to move cause he can't see, talk about feeling like that maggot barf I told you all about last time well I feel worse than that. I'm not fat and I am not ugly, in fact I used to modle, not that that makes me beautiful by any means, I just mean I am at least worth looking at and he doesn't. I feel lower now I know that there is no man worth all that, but, I've already had a disturbingly unhappy and dangerous childhood and here comes the man of my dreams, and now it seems to be all gone, I have nothing left for me, I think that my depression has made my kids unhappy and they would even be better off w/o me. I don't know any more, I will try I guess, But I can't keep this up forever and I wont! If you have any advise On this rather depressing situation, PLEASE help!! Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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~Tamrock~

[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 08-18-2002).]

mydog8mybrain · 08-18-2002, 09:31 PM

I'm no relationship guru. I feel for ya in this situation. I don't have any advice to give regarding your husband.

Please be careful. Seems to me like all it would take is for some attractive guy to give you "the look", say the right things, throw out the bait, then whamo; things get real messey in a hurry.

Good luck

MelNor · 08-21-2002, 12:13 PM

Tamrock...

That is sick about the sister in law!! I can't believe your husband would do that to you! It doesn't matter how beautiful or not beautiful you are...when he took that vow, it was supposed to be for better or for worse!

What in the name of God does his brother think of the situation? Do u suppose he is doing this because he like the attention he is getting back from her?? In any case, it don't really matter why, all that matters is how he is hurting you.

I wish I could give you some magical words to make u all better cause you seem like such a sweet loving person, but unfortunatly I don't!

Have u ever thought of marriage therapy? It might work if he will agree to go.

What some hubbys don't understand is that emotional love and the feeling of being appreciated is what most women need to be secure. Absense of this is more likely to break up a marriage than sexual absense. There are always viable excuses for not feeling up to sex like tired, head ache, not feeling well, kids, etc, etc, but there are no excuses not be emotionally supportive.

On the night of your anniverary had he went to bed, told you he loved you, hugged you, kissed you, told you he appreciated you as his wife and for the wonderful mother you were...would you have been talking about what he didn't do on your anniverary, or would you have thought it was sweet and special of him?

I once had a female friend tell me if sex is all we needed out of a relationship, we could buy a vibrator, it don't need you to cook for it, it don't leave the toilet seat up, you don't have to worry where it has been and you could replace it with a newer model whenever u felt the need! LOL

I know that it was hateful but true non the less. Men could say the same with whatever sex toy they like as well.

Just remember all guys are not like this, there are some very loving men out there who would die to have a great woman like you...we on these boards and in life in general just usually hear about the bad things! Maybe we should spend more time talking about the good too cause the bad guys give the good ones a bad rep.

If he isn't willing to meet u half way on this one, put him in the car and drive him to the sis in laws...let her live with the bull!

Wish u all the best...I wish I could have helped more!

08-23-2002, 08:41 PM

MelNor, if nothing els you put a smile on my face, I love it when a man can come to grips with the fact that women are different, and need to have a special kind of attention and it does take a special man to realize it!!

Thank you so much and I hope you have a wonderful women in your life to treat you with the love and respect that I think you would give her!

Thanks again

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~Tamrock~