bigbeauty

I know a lot of this may sound stupid but here is the total truth about my situation

I am a teenager and I met this guy about a year ago. He was 17 then and lived with his adopted father and his adopted step-mom. We dated and he quickly became part of my family. He claimed that he loved me not too far into our relationship, but it took me a little longer to realize that I love him.

One of his close friends was this girl that I tried to befriend (I didnt want to have a problem with any of his friends). So at school, I was usually with him - and she usually followed us. Him and I had little fights now and then, some bigger than others. In January his parents announced that they were moving to North Carolina. He was determined to stay here, and with his parents helping him, found a cheep apartment to live in.

I was a virgin before I met him, he wasnt. He told me that his past girlfriend was the only one he had ever been with. Then we fell deeply in love (a little too deep for teenagers) and I lost my virginity to him. Towards the end of the school year, I watched him read this notebook one day on the bus. He rarely confided in me and when he did, it was only after I struggled to get it out of him.

So, curious to find out more about what his feelings were, I peaked at the notebook the next day while he was at work. I expected to find out anything but what I actually found. It turned out that the friend of his that I had even tried to befriend was more than just a friend. I confronted him and he admitted to having sex with her once while we had been together. Needless to say, I broke up with him.

Over the next two weeks, I watched them both at school. She still wouldnt leave him alone and seemed proud of her accomplishment. He was like I was - completely depressed. After about 2 weeks we started talking - I had to have an explanation, I wasnt going to let anyone do that to me without a damn good explanation. I also wanted more of a chance to yell at him for hurting me. I also think a part of me just wanted to be near him again.

My friends were completely supportive of me. They cheered me up and were there for me to talk to. A few of them, jokingly, told me that if I ever went out with him again they would either kill me or no longer be my friends.

When we talked, there was no end to his apologies, remorse or his determination to make it right. He cried apologies to me - I had never seen him cry about anything in the 7 months that we had dated. He said he would take it back if he could, I saw him cuss The Girl out for being the reason he no longer had what made him happier than he had ever been.

Eventually, we started going out again. I had given him my virginity, my soul, my heart and everything else I had. I had serious depression at the time and no one had ever made me feel so loved. I hated the thought of loosing something so precious to me.

Because school had just ended by then, I didnt have a chance to tell even my best friend the "bad" news. To this day she still doesnt know that we're back together.

Over the summer he was forced to move in with his sister - in a different, but somewhat close state. The long distance wasnt easy, but we were doing ok. Then about a week ago he I called his new cell phone and we got into a fight. We were both crabby at the time, but he hung up on me - something I dont do to him because he requested me not to, something that I had told him not to do to me, and something that I consider extremely disrespectful. He had done it to me in a past fight or two and I told him that if he ever did it again, I would consider us broken up.

So I did. I took off the ring he given me (now wearing it around my neck) and we hadnt spoken untill yesterday. He didnt consider us broken up, but knew that I did.

We have talked and are doing better, but because he hadnt called, I kind of grew apart from him. My world stopped revolving around him in less than a week and now I dont know what to do. Technically we are going out again, but I have so many strange feelings.
I KNOW he would never cheat on me again, but I cant stop thinking about it all. School has started up again and Im seeing my friends again. He might be moving back down here soon and then would be going to my school again.

The thing is, I truly am in love with him and vise versa. But I dont know what to do anymore. And what if he moves back here? I am afraid that I will lose my friends. I feel totally stupid for loving him and for lying to my friends, but I do love him and there is nothing I can do to change those feelings.

Please, I really need some advice. Is it truly a bad thing that we're going out again? Should I tell my friends? Should I tell him of my doubts? PLEASE help me!

Thank you in advance.