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Old 09-02-2002, 11:30 PM   #1
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Calgary, Canada
Posts: 223
MelNor HB User
Post Get Out and Get Over It !!!!!!!!

As I sit here and write this post tonight...I should be packing my bags and telling hubby to kiss my bum goodbye!!!

But why am I not doing this?? I really don't know!
I have never been so confused!

Why is it so hard to leave this drunken, lying, irresponsible, self-centered, immature child of a man?

I feel like such a loser, even though I haven't done nothing wrong!!!
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Old 09-03-2002, 09:28 AM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 103
Kadree HB User

Found your post and of course I had to reply. You are not a loser, you are a wonderful person. Someone who is trying to build a life for yourself and your child. You need to give this some time,Mel, take time to cool off and look at things with a cool head. Have you tried to talk to him? Let him know how bad things have gotten for you?
You stay because you want to have what every normal person wants.
You don't want your child to grow up with only one parent, in poverty.
And somewhere deep down, Mel, you love him and you want to make sure that he is alright.
You are a person who cares for those around you.
Don't be hard on yourself for being a good person. If you feel that you really must leave, make sure you have all your things in order first. Have some money set aside, have a place to go, have the things that you need packed.
Whatever you decide to do, I am here for you, don't forget that.
Love Kadree

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Old 09-03-2002, 04:43 PM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 38
Mushmelon HB User

You stay because you want to have what every normal person wants.
You don't want your child to grow up with only one parent, in poverty.

WHAT???? If I don't want to stay with an abuser I am not normal? If I don't want the marraige and kids thing that 'every normal person wants' I am not normal??? And I raised my children by myself and they are now grown and fully funcional and responsible adults and they were NOT raised in poverty! Why do her children have to be raised in this horrible household to be 'normal' and not in poverty?? Get them out of there. Staying together for the sake of the children went out of style years ago when it was discovered that if children are raised with an abusive parent they are more likely to become one themselves or marry into the same kind of relationship that their parent is/was in. I say follow your instincts, follow yor heart, do what's best for you and your children, and screw what everyone else says. LOOK OUT FOR YOU!!!

Old 09-03-2002, 04:46 PM   #4
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 38
Mushmelon HB User

and one more thing....sometimes you just have to leave with nothing more than the clothes on your back. I did. Just make sure you have family or a friend to go to. Don't wait until you have some money saved up. It would be nice and in a perfect world it would work that way but you get out when you need to get out.
Sorry to sound blunt but this hits a soft spot.

Old 09-04-2002, 03:57 AM   #5
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 166
magee HB User

I think that maybe you are afraid of being alone. Being alone is way preferable to being with someone like your husband. I got rid of my lying, sociopathic husband 10 years ago, and it was the best thing I ever did for my kids. I didn't want my kids to grow up in a dysfunctional family.
Being alone can be wonderful. You'll be amazed at how much you are going to grow as a strong, independent woman once you get him out of your life.
You have to remember that YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE, you can only change yourself.

"I'd rather be alone than settle."

Old 09-04-2002, 12:47 PM   #6
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 103
Kadree HB User

I feel that I must reply to your post. I was not trying to imply anything when I said that she wanted what every normal person wants. I was trying to say that she wants happiness, and for many people , happiness is the "perfect family" the nice house, etc. It is a fact that the majority of the single parent families are living well below the poverty line.
If there was an extreme danger, yes, by all means, get out as soon as you can. If you can't stay another minute in that house, then leave right away. But for someone who is living with someone else in a non abusive situation, in a position that the other person is not willing to help himself or face his problem, what is wrong with waiting until she has some money in place. I know that I would rather be able to feed my kids, and have a place for them to sleep instead of being out on the street.
I applaud the single mothers who have raised their children on their own. That is an amazing feat in itself. But, I know in my situation, that besides the fear of being alone, I am also very afraid to try and raise my children on my own. And sometimes I wonder if I stay because it is easier.

I am very sorry to have offended you, Mushmelon


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