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Old 09-08-2002, 10:22 AM   #1
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skygirl HB User
Red face Daughter Inlaw Problems, I need advice

10n Years ago, I married a man with 2 married children. We get along great. My problem is the son's wife. They had been married 3 years when I came into the picture. They lived 1000 miles away, and came for a week every summer, until 2 years ago.My stepson's wife is unbeliveable. She made it clear when they came with the kids, 3 now, that she was here on vacation and wasn't going to help with the 3 boys, she just sat on the sofa and read, and never offered to do anything. I had taken my week's vacation, so I could be with them,everytime I asked my step son if he'd like to go fishing, she would claim a headache, she didn't like to fish, or do anything with us. I felt like a slave, cooking, cleaning and babysittting. My husband and his son loved to play golf, so out of love for the both of them, I'd stay home to watch the children while they played. My daughter inlaw started telling me how they had lived together before they were married, she knew how hurt my husband, and stepson would be if they knew she had told that. She wanted a third child, and she said she would have one wheather he wanted another one or not, so when she got pregnant, she said the pill didn't work. I heard him tell her that he was the one that had to raise the kids, and that he didn't want to start over with another baby, of course he loves the child dearly now. He's really a good person, and wants to raise the children with both parents, so he stays and puts up with her.
I put up with her for 7 years, and I finally got where I couldn't stand it anymore. I got up one morning and left the house without telling her, and I didn't come home until my husband and son came back that afternoon. I felt she could take care of her own kids for a few hours.I found out later that the whole family had been through the same thing with her, and they no longer wanted to be around her.
They haven't been here in over 2 years now, and I think it was because of what I did. My husband says he's glad, even though he'd like to see his son, he couldn't deal with her anymore.If the son knew some of the terrible things she's done, I hate to think of what he would do.
I want to add that they had always been to the beach for a week, before they came to see us.
I need some advice, do you think I was wrong?
Thanks
Sky
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Old 09-08-2002, 12:07 PM   #2
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Sounds like your problem is pretty much taken care of--it's your step-son that really has the problem! His wife really doesn't sound like a nice person, but I personally wouldn't tell him everything you know (if I am reading between the lines correctly, I think that may be what you are comtemplating). It sounds like everyone in the family already has her number, and your step-son probably does too. It is entirely possible that he already knows or at least suspects all the crappy things that she has done, and he would probably be humiliated to find out that you and his father know all of this information too. The bottom line is that you really don't know what goes on behind closed doors at their house, and that you should probably leave well enough alone, and be glad that they have stopped coming around for now. Although I would be terribly heartbroken to miss out on the grandchildren...


 
Old 09-09-2002, 03:16 AM   #3
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Because of the grandchildren, how about going out to visit them? It would turn the tables. You could demonstrate how a gracious guest acts. And, if she doesn't take time off of work, that's less interference you have to worry about with her.

 
Old 09-09-2002, 06:48 AM   #4
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I just wrote a lengthy reply, but was blocked, since I use AOL. Hope this goes through.
We did go to see them, but, she didn't come home until 3 AM, which was very embrassing to our son. We had planned to stay 5 days, since we had driven 1000 miles. On our 2nd day there, she asked when we were leaving, she said she was tired. We packed up and left, and never told our son why.
She never prepared a meal, I cooked, or we went out to eat. I cleaned house and took all chores off her, but it still wasn't enough, she wanted us gone.
She doesn't like us, since we are from the South.
Our son was raised in a christain home, and has tried to make the best of a bad situation.
I would never tell him, what she says to us, it's not my place. If it was my son, I'd probaly be more apt to.
I just feel bad, that I was the one to put a stop to her bad manners.
Thanks to all for your input.
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