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Old 08-31-2002, 12:56 PM   #1
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Question What should I do?

I don't know what to do about my relationship. I am a freshman in HS and I have been seeing this Junior for a little over 3 monthes, and he says he is deeply in love with me. I love him too, but like a best friend now. So many girls have hurt him and I don't want to be one of those girls. I want some freedom and I want a little independence. I need to have some of each to get my life back on track, seeing as I am just getting over an ED and I am trying to stop self destructive behavior. I need to get my own identity straight. I need to really know myself. I have the urge for freedom and I want to grow and change. I also feel like it might feel good to just casually date...I might sound like pond scum, but I just want to be a teen and experience life and have fun... I don't know how to tell him or what to do... just that I am sick of lying! If you can give me any advice, please do so!!! Thank you...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Caitlin**

 
Old 08-31-2002, 01:09 PM   #2
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It definitely sucks to be the dumper, but believe me, even if you think it will hurt him now, it will hurt him even more if you continue to lie and not let him know how you're feeling. Just be honest and tell him what you wrote in your post. Your post was awesome, open and honest. You said exactly how you felt, and that's all you can do. He'll probably be upset, but in my experience I don't remember ever being happy about being dumped. That's how life goes and he'll understand that, if not now, then later. Hope this helps a little Good luck, and let us know what happens..

Kat

 
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Old 08-31-2002, 05:57 PM   #3
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Kat,
thank you for your advice. I am sure he will get over it... he will move on, grow up, mature, be independant, and eventually find another "love". I will be ok. I know that. I have been heartbroken before. I lived. I know now. I just need to do the hard part, which is telling him the truth. I have realized 2 things:
1) He really is too old for me and needs to find a life of his own and recognize himself.
and
2) I need to love myself before I can truly love anyone else and I am too young to fall in love; I should enjoy my youth while I still can
Besides, he doesn't quite know or understand me, and I know we aren't in love; We'd be better as friends.
If you have any more advice, please feel free to give it to me, as it would be helpful.
Thank you,
Caitlin

 
Old 09-01-2002, 12:48 AM   #4
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Let him read what you wrote. Then talk it over with him. Hopefully he'll understand. Also, do you know why he keeps geting hurt by girls? Is it because he' picks the wromg and bad girls? Or does he attache too hard? Maybe you can help him break the pattern.
Good Luck!
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Old 09-01-2002, 04:54 AM   #5
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I think it's probably because he gets too attached to them. I broke up with him last night, and we are friends. I talked about what we each need to do and concentrate on, and he talked about what was wrong. I also talked a bit about what was wrong, but he did most of the talking on this subject. The decision was my idea, and at first he didn't want to accept it, but then he realized he should, so we decided to stay friends. We both can see other people, and we still aren't really mad at each other. I am glad I did it my way and it worked out. Thanks for all your support guys!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Caitlin***

 
Old 09-01-2002, 06:15 AM   #6
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Caitlin..
I'm so glad things worked out for you! I know as girls, sometimes we imagine things are going to be much worse than they really turn out to be (or is that just me? ) but in the end they turn out okay. But anyway, congratulations on you new found independence and I hope you have a great school year!

Kat

 
Old 09-02-2002, 10:13 AM   #7
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I am glad that it worked out well. Please don't think of yourself as "pond scum", you are a very sensible girl who is doing exactly what you should be doing at your age.

 
Old 09-04-2002, 04:05 AM   #8
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thanks guys. I only have 1 problem, my ex wants me back. He came up to me in the hall yesterday and said, I need you to listen to something.. then, he had me put on some headphones and played our song. I took them off and he said he still loves me and I am all he has been thinking about. Then, later I called him to talk (we're friends) and he wouldn't say anything.. then.... (more later)

 
Old 09-04-2002, 07:48 AM   #9
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Its going to take a while for him to get over the breakup. You may notice that he may get jealous when you start to go out with other guys. Make sure you tell him how you feel when he tells you that he still loves you. Use gentle words, but stress the fact that your just friends. Good Luck

 
Old 09-06-2002, 12:48 PM   #10
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I have no more feelings towards him and I don't want to hurt him. We are friends with privileges, but I feel nothing he feels... I like attention, but I just need to get it straight... I need to go out with other people... and he needs to stop smothering and pressuring me. That's all for now...
caitlin***

 
Old 09-07-2002, 07:40 AM   #11
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I'm in a bit similar positon yours right now, so I don't really know what to say cause I need help myself. I think you should just tell him the truth.
I hope I helped!

 
Old 09-07-2002, 08:00 AM   #12
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Caitlin..
Being 'friends w/benefits' is not going to help him get over you at all..That's not good for you and it's not fair to him. If you don't want to be with him you need to cut off all sexual contact. Don't treat him like a boyfriend, but then say "oh I only like you as a friend." That's so not fair ..I'm not trying to gripe at you but I've seen alot of my friends in the same situation and they wondered why the guys just couldn't get over them..good luck.

Kat

 
Old 09-11-2002, 12:18 PM   #13
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I just don't know. I do know you are right, but I don't know what to do. I have another date for homecoming, and I have decided I need to get a job and join some clubs, but I don't want to hurt or make Aaron mad. I don't want to be a b*tch, but I know I already am in some way, I know. I don't know how to do it the nice way...
got any advice???

 
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