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Old 09-18-2002, 08:26 PM   #1
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Unhappy Please Help I don't know what is wrong with me

Ok this summer me and my boyfriend got really close and I will probably end up marrying him if I don't think about things too much. Before school got out my boyfriend had a lot of trouble trusting me which was understandable because I used to change my mind about who I like every minute. And during the summer I decided that I like him (my b/f) the most. Now that I am back in school the same guy I liked from last year has me thinking about my relationship with my b/f again. Now, he just called and I got butterflies. Is this a crush or is it something else??? Please help I need some advice fast. I don't want to lose my b/f but I really like this other guy. HELP!!! I don't want to do something I will regret.

 
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Old 09-18-2002, 11:26 PM   #2
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Seems to me like you're not ready for commitment/a serious relationship. It sounds perfectly normal in my opinion, afterall you're just in highschool. But I can see where you would get aggravated since you want to be true to your boyfriend. Don't force yourself to feel a certain way, and don't beat yourself up over having these emotions. Take note of your feelings toward this guy in the weeks to come. Are you falling more for him? Is it just a passing thing? Saying you're going to marry a guy at such a young age is a very serious proposition. Rethink the relationship between you and your boyfriend, or at least the lifetime commitment you two seem to be embracing.

 
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Old 09-19-2002, 03:51 PM   #3
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Frangipani,
Thank you for your response. I know it doesn't seem possible that someone could find a true love in highschool. But, I think I have. But, I will also pay attention to my feelings for this other guy. Thanks again for your help. I will try to not beat myself up about it.

 
Old 09-19-2002, 05:13 PM   #4
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I found true love in high school, and God help me if I had married him! I don't mean to scoff at your feelings, but if this was true love, you wouldn't even be accepting phone calls from some guy you liked last year. Don't even consider getting married until you are at least 20 years old, or better yet, out of college. Just some advice from someone who has been where you are...

 
Old 09-19-2002, 07:01 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by Greenberry:
I found true love in high school, and God help me if I had married him! I don't mean to scoff at your feelings, but if this was true love, you wouldn't even be accepting phone calls from some guy you liked last year. Don't even consider getting married until you are at least 20 years old, or better yet, out of college. Just some advice from someone who has been where you are...
Yep, I agree. That's not to say that the feelings I had when I was younger weren't completely real. In fact, I was very, very much in love with this guy, we'll call him Herman Well, Herman was my first true love, and I thought we were going to end up getting married and everything. Of course, every morning I wake up next to the man I AM going to marry, at age 24, I thank my lucky stars!

I agree, too, with Greenberry, that if you were in a really comitted situation, you wouldn't be having these kinds of doubts. You also said something like "I'll probably wind up marrying him if I don't think too much about it." That right there seems to say you don't really want to marry him but that you may as well. That's no good! You should never settle!

A long-term comitted relationship isn't always easy, so you want to make sure you're in it with someone who you care enough about to get through the bad stuff for.


 
Old 09-20-2002, 11:19 AM   #6
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I am not settling. I care about him enough to marry him and get through the bad stuff.

 
Old 09-20-2002, 04:01 PM   #7
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oh I know people can really love eachother in highschool, it's just the marriage thing I was worried about. Hopefully things will turn out ok.

 
Old 09-20-2002, 11:47 PM   #8
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Hmm.... I certainly realize that lil' crushes are part of life, believe me! But I guess my worry here is that Mayness really seems like she's having some serious doubts. Maybe that's just a function of a lack of experience, but it seems to me that worrying about it so much in the first place is well, a worry. To place so much importance on your feeling for this other guy might indicate a subconcious unhappiness with your current beau.

A little story. The summer before I started college I was dating this guy. I thought we were SO perfect for each other, and that I just was so in love with him and we'd get married and everything. But when I got to college, I met this other guy. Believe me, I tried to tell myself it was just one of those crushes you get sometimes, but I could tell, deep down inside, that it was something more. But you know what? I didn't break up with the first guy right away like I should have. I thought I could just get over it, and that my nice, safe relationship would continue. Well, it didn't, and I wound up cheating on a perfectly nice guy because I was so into this whole "safe" thing that I couldn't do the right thing. I just can't help but wish that if I had listened to my strong doubts in the situation, nobody would have gotten hurt. When you're young, you're still not sure of who you are yet, and so as you find out where you want to go and who you want to be, the people you wish to be with change.

I guess I'm trying to say two things here. One is that you should always listen to your heart. The second is that you shouldn't get so attached to the idea of being attached that you forsake your happiness. I hope this made sense. I'm really tired right now :P

 
Old 09-21-2002, 10:14 AM   #9
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This is for everyone who thinks I am thinking of getting married tomorrow,
We have talked about getting married and we have decided that it is a long way away. I don't want to be married until I am a least done with college and have a job.

 
Old 09-21-2002, 10:21 AM   #10
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I have to disagree on a few points. First, it is not right to allow yourself to have "feelings" about another person while you are in a serious committed relationship (i.e., marriage) with someone else. Walking down the street and seeing a cute guy and thinking "He's cute" is not the same thing as allowing yourself to get close enough to someone else to have "feelings" for them. And having ex's in the picture (except where children are involved) is 99% of the time detrimental to a relationship. Entering a committed marriage relationship should include dropping/erasing all previous obligations to any ex. And if you are really serious about your marriage, you will not even put yourself in a situation where you begin to develop any type of serious feelings for someone else.

And you should listen to your heart only to the point that it doesn't conflict with what your MIND is telling you. Today, it is really fashionable to say "Follow your heart" but that can really get you into trouble. Listen to your head first, and then your heart, and you will have a lot less trouble in life.

 
Old 09-21-2002, 10:47 AM   #11
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Ok I don't really have feelings for this other guy. I think he is cute, he makes me laugh and that's about all. And probably for the rest of my life I will always like someone else. But, it will never be serious. I need to like someone so that I realize how perfect my b/f now is. I have always been this way. And this guy that I am talking about having "feelings" for is someone who I would never dream about going out with. I have seen how he acted with his other girlfriend. I still like the other guy, but is nothing more than a crush. I realize that now.

 
Old 09-21-2002, 12:41 PM   #12
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I think that you are really not ready for a committed relationship at this point in your life. Your getting butterflies in your stomach when this other guy calls should be a signal that you are not ready- eventhough you know this other guy is the "one". I think you should tell your current boyfriend that you would like to date other guys for a while and let him do the same. That way when you guys are out of college and if its meant to be then you will get married. Everyone is different- I mean I think that everyone has crushes- but its how we handle them - or better- how we need to handle them that makes everyone different. I think that you at this young age in your life need to experiment a little and actually physically go out and have dates with other guys- and that will give you an even greater appreciation for your man than just realizing you have crushes on other guys. I don't think it wise to just suppress all your young thouhgts-get married four years later- and then cheat on your man or worse resent him for not letting you have had a "fun" adolecsent life. Maybe we are all alike - I mean guys and girls- we need to get "it" out of our system before we settle down- and admitting that to yourself does not mean that you love your man or women any less. I think you should be fair to yourself and your guy. These are just my opinions.

 
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