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Old 09-11-2002, 04:20 PM   #1
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Minneapolis,Mn
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Jenna22 HB User
Unhappy Love fading away

I'm really sad at this point.I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 32.When we met he was my boss,we fell in love the first time we looked at each other's eyes.Anyway we moved in together and and we've been together for almost 3 years.The first year was wonderful,he was listening to me,we had fun when we spent time together,etc.We moved a lot from city to city because of his job and it is stressing our realitionship out.In the last 2 months i'm crying every night and he seems like he doesn't care.He works long hours to get his bussines in shape,i certanly understand that and support him.When we are spending time together he seems spaced out and he always has his freaking cell with him and people and clients call all the time.I tried to talk to him tell him that it hasn't been going so good and we should try to work it out.He always says i'm yelling at him,I'm not thinking positive.He is a very nice person but he always makes me look the bad one.I love him very much but in the last few weeks he isn't there for me.It seems like the wonderful love and passion we once had is fading away.It hurts so bad to be ignored.Please give me some advice how i can sit down with him and have a talk?

 
Old 09-11-2002, 09:49 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2002
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lascot HB User
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pehaps start the conversation with, "i love you." there's nothing wrong with buying your man little gifts. doing the little things that he notices. i am not talking overt but, here and there. i find that if my boyfriend is away/unavailable for awhile i do these things unconsciously. he seems to notice.

 
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Old 09-12-2002, 09:16 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Calgary, Canada
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MelNor HB User
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I feel really sorry for you! I know what you're going through.

I can't help but wonder if the age difference is a contribution to the problems. You are a basically a generation away in age. I was in a very unhappy situation with 9 years age difference for 10 years.

This is not saying it can't work though!! Not at all!! But what really matters here is that your need are not being met and it seems he don't want to do anything to correct it. If he won't even talk to you without getting defensive, he must know he is doing something wrong.

I don't mean to sound cliche but you could try the old never say "you" when talking about problems. For example don't say "YOU never take me out or spend time with just me anymore!" (he will take offense to this by reacting back with a defense..."well, YOU don't seem to have fun when I do, so why bother")

Try saying something like this instead, "Honey I want you to know that I really love you and I want us to be very happy together and "I" know spending a little more time together would really make "ME" happy" (You see...not nearly as likely to trigger a defensive response)

It's really hard to do this sometimes so you might want to take a second to think your replies out before you actually answer...practice it in your mind for a couple seconds first. I am not saying this will always work either but what do you have to lose? You got to make him understand what he is doing to you...maybe he is so wrapped up in his work and stuff he really don't see it. Or maybe he knows and it isn't a priority, if that's the case..get out and find someone who wants to be your partner always, not just when he can fit it into his schedule.

Good luck and keep us posted!
Mel
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Old 09-12-2002, 08:15 PM   #4
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scbagrrrl HB User
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Just a thought... Why not write him a "love letter" telling him all the special things that first attracted you to him, what kept you with him (You know, butter him up!) and what you need from him.

Sometimes when we women speak, all they hear is " you don't...blah blah blah...you never...blah blah blah". It has to do with some miswiring in their brains - you know between the two heads that split the thinking!

Anyway, writing it would give him time to process it and think. I'd plan to give him some alone time to read it and then have some down time for him. Maybe cook a special dinner for him, get him to relax. Open his mind up some.

Tough situation, hope things work out for the best for you.

 
Old 09-24-2002, 07:39 PM   #5
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dustbunnys_baby HB User
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Hey girlie,
I know exactly how you feel I am going through that myself right now. Sometimes I don't even know if he's listening or whether he even cares. It seems like all he does is what he wants. The other night I almost got mugged on the way home from the movies and when I told him what happened he didn't even care. Needless to say I was really upset. I was up until three in the morning before I called my best friend and told her that I was calling it quits. I then woke him up and I started out by telling him how much I love him and how much I want to make this work but I didn't know how much longer I could live like this. He is my husband so naturally I don't want to leave without trying to make it work. Anyways, He didn't even realize he was being this way. He even tried to blame it on me like he always does and I put my foot down for the first time and told him I wasn't going to take it and that it was not my falt he didn't care. He then began to cry. I asked him why he was crying he said it was the thought of loosing me. I told him that he won't loose me as long as he shows me everyday how much he cares about me. It is still a little rocky but noone can change over night. Have faith it will work out for the best. I just know it.

------------------
Bear
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