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Old 08-20-2002, 02:50 PM   #1
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Post What would you do in my position? Relationship question

Ok, first off I just want to appologize for ranting and the long winded thread. This has just been bothering me alot and I need to let it out, yet I dont really have anyone that I can talk to seriously.

My gf and I have been together for almost 7 months now, I am 19 and she is 18, this is my longest relationship so far (kinda sad, huh). Before her and I got together we just talked as friends, and she told me that she wanted to get back with one of her ex boyfriends but he chose another girl. This upset her alot as she wanted to be with him badly. Well now, her ex and that girl have broken up. This happened about a month and a half ago. As soon as they broke up, he started talking to my gf. She thought it was weird because he hasnt talked to her in 6 months, but she talked to him anyways. Well they talk alot more now, probably every other day. They both say its just as friends. However, I talked to his ex ( we are friends) and she said that he told her that he would want to go back out with my gf, if I was out of the picture. SO I know he likes her, this upsets me. I have talked to her, she knows exactly how I feel. But she says she doesnt like him like that, but it is little things that she does to make me think she does like him, the same things she did when she first started getting feelings for me. But she just says nothing is differant. She tells me everything I want to hear, so I kind of have trouble believing it eventhough I trust her. It has been causing me alot of stress and depression, I really dont know what to do. I want to be with this girl so bad, but I am just having doubts about how she feels about me..and I dont want to be lead on. I have thought about breaking it off with her. But I really dont want to. I understand that I am young and will have more relationships, but RIGHT NOW in my life I want to be with this one, and only this one.

If you were in my position, what would you do? Would you break up with her? Or would you just try and put up with it and hope and pray that she doesnt develope feelings for him. I am really confuse. Once again I appologize for the long winded thread, I just wanted to get some peoples opinions on this. Thanks alot

 
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Old 08-20-2002, 03:08 PM   #2
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If I were your age I know I would have put up with it because I was so desperate to hang onto that person, but because I am older and wiser I would say there is no point holding onto someone who doesnt want you and it only makes it harder in the long run. You dont seem to totally trust her and trust is really important in a relationship. Perhaps you should tell her to choose between him and you as the other guy is causing a problem between you, or are you just the jealous non-trusting type? Good luck.
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Old 08-20-2002, 03:54 PM   #3
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Well - Ya gotta excuse me. I'm a little forward on stuff like this. I don't mean to sound cold or anything but here is my opinion:

Have her pack her bags and hit the road pal. There's plenty more where she came from. Better to be with someone that wants to be with you than beat your head against the wall for someone that you think may leave.

Good luck !

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Old 08-20-2002, 04:38 PM   #4
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Thanks for the advice.

I am a jealous person. Its like I do trust her, but I dont trust him..which in return makes me worry about her too. I dont really know how to explain it.

The thing that pulls me so close to this paticular girl..a few years ago I told myself I wouldnt get into a relationship until I was done with all of my schooling and could get serious. For awhile no girl could ever make me interested in them, I was dedicated to my life in general. Until I met her, she had everything I wanted in a girl. The more I learned about her, the better she got. Those first 6 months with her were probably the happiest of my life.


 
Old 08-20-2002, 06:07 PM   #5
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I agree with Cinderella when I was your age I would have help on with all my might, but a few (lol) years later (im 34)I see things differently. Also being a girl, listen to how evil we can be, we will keep the guy we have until we find another, if she isnt sure he wants her back she will hold on to u till she is sure. A girl cant be alone u know. My friends call them back burner guys, we keep them around for when we lose or dump the front buner guys. We can be really mean liek that. So if she isnt sure she has him back she may just be keeping u till she finds out for sure that way if she doesnt have him back she still has u. Ok Ive given away enough of our secrets, hope I dont get kicked out of the girlie club, lol. Take care hun and know there are others out there.

 
Old 08-20-2002, 06:24 PM   #6
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First of all I would like to say that if she cared about you as much as she lead's on she would not let the ex come into the picture especially after he rejected her. It kinda sounds like the ex knows what he is doing. He is not snatching her up yet maybe cause he feels sorry for you, but he's hanging around to make you jealous and possibly trying to push you on out of the picture so he can move in?? Thats just the vibe I'm getting. She should respect you more and if she doesn't want hold on to you, it is her loss, not yours! You sound very smart and a good person and yes it does take time to get over a love but you do get over and I'm sure later on in life you will meet someone that takes your breath away more than this one and you will know that it's right!
Good Luck and God Bless!!
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Old 08-20-2002, 07:19 PM   #7
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Flowerduet has brought us the truth. Listen to her words.

Flowerdust - Thanks for coming out of the closet on this one!! My explanation is that ladies are like chimps swinging the the forrest. They don't want to let go of one vine until they got their hands on another! All in sport ladies... Please don't get offended.

Generation - I hear ya pal. I'm sure the first 6 months were bliss. I can also identify with the resolve about staying single until you get certain things done. Well, we've all said that a time or two. We usually do good for a while them BANG. You get a good dose of the old twinkle in the eye, the big smile and "the look". After that my friend the chemicals in the brain take over, you do a little investigation and see that all of the right emotional things seem to be in place with her, and then as much as you try to disguise it........ you surrender and it's all over. So you're human. Hang in there.

You sound like a good guy. I wish nothing but good things for you.


 
Old 08-20-2002, 08:30 PM   #8
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Generation, lets just say you do break it off with her, and she goes out with this guy again, then down the road this guy dumps her and she comes running back to you with the big sob story that she should of stuck with you...then what will you do. Will you let her come stomping back in your life just to dump you for the next exciting thing that comes along? I'm a girl too. But I would never play the guys like this, that's why you guys end up jealous in the first place...don't let any woman treat you like a tennis ball, the back and forth over the fence bit. By the way the sure way to get a decent girl to run is to be insanely jealous. So be careful you don't end up losing what could be the very best girl for you by becoming someone like this...Diana

 
Old 08-21-2002, 12:57 PM   #9
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Thanks everyone, you people are great

I talked to her last night. And told her that I did not like the fact that he said if she didnt have a bf, he would be trying to get back with her. She told me that FOR trying to get with her, he is wasting his time. She said that she gave him a chance before her and I ever got together, and he just used her. So she isnt giving him another chance (so she says). I told her I think he is just waiting around of rus to break up so he can jump in, once again she said that he is wasting his time cause it isnt going to happen anytime soon, unless I break up with her. Also I just came out and told her, if she liked him at all, just go ahead and break up with me cause I do not want to be lead on. She swore she didnt. So I guess all that I can do is sit back and see what happens. After that talk I am in much better spirits than I was yesterday. I KNOW in my mind that we will not be together forever, afterall I am only 19, but I know in my heart that I want to be with her for as long as I can. If she goes to him, I will serve my depression, pay my dues in college, find someone who can take my breath away and do my best to live a succussful, enjoyable, life. So wish me luck with this one, and once again I thank you all!!!

 
Old 08-21-2002, 05:20 PM   #10
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once again she said that he is wasting his time cause it isnt going to happen anytime soon, unless I break up with her.
................ Did I read that right? Did she say it that way? Like.... ummmmmmmm .... She won't go back with him UNLESS you break up? If that is indeed what she said then I think yer gonna get hurt pretty bad.

If she was done with him she prolly would have said she was not going back regardless of what happened to you guys.

I stand by my original post. Best of luck to you.

 
Old 08-21-2002, 06:59 PM   #11
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No, she told me that he is wasting his time waiting around for us to break up, because it isnt going to happen unless I do it. So saying that we arent going to break up unless I break up with her, because she has no intentions of breaking up with me anytime soon.

 
Old 08-21-2002, 07:14 PM   #12
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Oh - OK - Gotcha. I guess I just interpreted things wrong which I am prone to do quiet often!

I hope things work out for you.

 
Old 08-22-2002, 06:33 AM   #13
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Good for you Generation, for getting that all ironed out with her and not just letting it eat away at your insides. Sometimes you just have to take the 'bull' by the horns, and say what is really bothering you, it's better than going over and over it in your mind. I'm glad you feel better, take care. Diana

 
Old 10-15-2002, 07:18 PM   #14
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Communication is always the key. When your with her in person, look her in the eyes and really have a serious discussion with her. See how she reacts face to face in that manner....

 
Old 10-16-2002, 06:44 AM   #15
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Generation,

You need to start asking your girlfriend the hard questions. Forget about this other guy and his motives. The person you should be talking to is your girlfriend. Ask her if she would get together with this other guy if you and her broke up. Ask her why she would want to be friends with a guy who dissed her and didn't talk to her for 6 months. I know I wouldn't want to be friends with a woman who I was previously interested in, who picked some other guy over me, and then came back 6 months later to renew the friendship. Ask her how she would feel if you did the same thing to her. Ask her if what she's doing is respectful to you. It sounds like your girlfriend is keeping this guy around as a safety net in case things between you and her don't last. Well that's not fair to you and you need to make your feelings clear.

 
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