Ugh I have found out why I can never keep a girl..I am to nice. My problem is it takes me a while to get comfortable with new people, but when I do I can be really funny and charming. So anytime I ask a girl out, I am just nice and considerate..hoping she will hang with me until i start to open up and be more fun. But girls dont really care much for nice and considerate guys, they need to be constantly entertained. Thing is around my freinds I am really entertaining. I am known for coming out of left field with random stuff that jsut tears people up. I am aslo good with like my freinds girlfriends and random girls that Im not trying to hook up with. Because with them I dont really care if I make a dumb joke or look stupid...but most of the time I mkae them laugh a lot.If I could only act the way I do around my freinds with new girls I think I would be much more succesful.
Anyone have any suggestions on how I can improve my "game". Thanks
nice guys DON'T finish last..... you're just not meeting the right girls/women... (you haven't mentioned how old you are..)... ANYWAY, yeah... ALOT of girls want that "rough around the edges", "badboy" type.... but, truth be told... it really isn't what they want at all... cause they all want to be loved and treated well..... it's just these "types" attract them..... due to whatever messed us up as a kid.. thinking we NEED that kind of treatment... know what i mean??? ANYWAY, there are a few of us out there... more than a few actually... that absolutely adore nice guys.... funny guys at that..... i'm so blessed that i met my fiance when i did.... (when i was over the "wanting bad boy" types).... cause he's EXACTLY what i want... and what i've wanted forever... it's just i didn't give your types.. (nice guys) the time of day back then, cause i wasn't ready for it.... didn't think i deserved it, and thought i wanted something different....
hold true to who you are !!!! trust me.... one day you will get blessed beyond what you can even imagine now !!!! stay nice!
Hey...I know what your saying and it sure seems to be correct sometimes! But...would you rather have the reputation 10 years from now as being a great respectable person or a jerk? Cause ya know I am 31 now and almost all those bad guys I hung out with when I was a teen/early 20's are still running around playing, most have a couple illegitamate (sp) childen, not married...etc, etc, etc. But most of the nice guys are pretty settled with lasting partners and are for the most part...much happier and responsible!
In the end...the nice guy really does win!
Always keep who you are in sight and some lucky lady will see this as well!!
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Nice guys don't finish last. I use to date guys that were trash and I always hoped I would meet a nice guy. Well, my prayers were answered and I meet the sweetest guy who treats me like gold. I am getting married to him next week! There is alot of good advice on this board. Listen to it. Don't change. There are alot of girls that are looking for nice guys like you.
Thanks for the replies. You made me feel a little more confident. I guess it is just my age (20) why it is hard for me to find a nice girl. I am not really looking right now for someone to marry, but i would like to have a steady relationship. In highschool I didnt have to much trouble because back then it was mainly based on looks. But in college it seems like you have to work at lot more to hook a girl. I mean I can do the drunken one night stand thing if i need to stastify my sexual needs...but that doesnt do much for me. I like having a girl that I look foward to seeing everyday and make feel good about myself. I guess im just lonely. I think I might attract the girls that want the bad boy. Because on the outside i kinda have the bad boy image. I lift a lot so i have a nice muscular body, I have a really nice fast car, I am working on getting my pilots license..so I can be a search and rescue pilot. I am not trying to sound concedid here, just trying to paint a picture. So I think i attract the bad boy seekers and they find out I am just a nice guy. I guess I come off as boring . Girls never give me a chance, because I am a fun guy it just takes me a while to get comfortable. Sorry for the ramble I have been a little confused and frustrated latley.
Restating the above posts a little more bluntly: Nice guys only finish last with TRAMPS. And for some reason, there seems to be a lot more tramps out there these days, especially amongst the younger set. So hang in there a while. I think you'll find that once you graduate from college and get settled in a career, as a nice guy you will have much better chance to land a nice girl than you do in college. After college, the real world sets in and separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls. I know several really, really "nice guys" who are now happily married or are in great relationships (in the "real" world) because they had patience and waited for the right (nice) young lady to come along.
And stay away from the drunken one-night stand--too many tramps these days are indulging in drunken one-night stands and then waking up the next morning and claiming rape. Be smart and protect yourself!
You are ripe for the "older woman experience." An older woman generally doesn't have the same "bad boy" hang-ups the younger woman does; she has already been down that route; she knows the deal. She will appreciate you, teach you, and not expext you to be her boyfriend. When you have graduated from "Mrs. Robinson's School for Boys", you will be an experiencecd man of the world, full of self-confidence, and the girls will be all over you. They will KNOW.
I don't know what is wrong with all of the girls out there. Why don't they want to only be with guys who are "bad boys"? And why do all of the guys only want to go out with the girls with the size 6 bodies who can fit into the string bikinis? I think people place too much of an emphasis on images. I am 21, and I would personally LOVE to go out with a nice guy for once. A lot of girls are actually attracted to the guys who only want one thing, because it perpetuates the bad boy image. But for me, it totally turns me off when a guy just wants to get down my pants.
As far as acting like yourself on a date, the only thing I can tell you is this: when you are out on a date, why not just keep telling yourself that this girl is no different than any of your friends. Tell a few of your jokes, or make a few funny comments, and if she doesn't laugh, then she's not that great of a date. I personally want a b/f with a great sense of humor, so you can't go by me, but I think that the ability to make someone laugh is a, very endearing quality. So is shyness. It makes a guy seem sweet and nice if he is a little timid at first. Maybe you can sorta have the "bad boy" image, but still be a really nice guy at the same time. (there are plenty of weightlifting, fast car driving, attractive guys who are rough and tough on the outside but soft and sweet on the inside. Those are the best ones.)
Also keep in mind that most of the girls are also trying to put on their best faces for the first few dates, and might not be acting like themselves either. So when you both start to act like yourselves, you might find out that you really like each other!
So am I suppose to wait like 5 more years before I start dating? LOL. that would be way to hard for me. I mean I now I am not looking for someone to marry now but If i happen to stumble upon someone really special it would be awesome. I guess I will jsut have to try and be a little more open with girls like purple was saying. Thanks for the replies.
What, it's going to take you five more years to get out of school? Are you going to be in medical school or something? At age 20, you should probably be at least halfway finished, unless you plan to get a PhD or MD. Anyway, if you do luck out and find a nice girl in college, good for you. Just be careful what you are advertising by your appearance. I think you were on the right track with that part of your post. People do judge you by your appearance, even though most young people think that is wrong. Right or wrong, it's the way things are--if you advertise yourself as a "bad boy," you will find that you don't attract nice girls to you. Good luck!
I was using 5 years as sarcasim. I took a year off after high school and I am now in my second year of college. So it will be about 2.5 years-3 years before I get my career rolling. Ugh I will be 23, damn I am getting old to fast .
What about sex though? I mean I think everyone has a general desire to get laid every now and then. If I cannot find a nice girl for a couple more years what am I suppose to do now. I do not care much for hooking up with a girl for one night. Although I have done it before, I just dont feel right afterwards. Almost all the sex I have had has been with my previous girlfreinds. But now it is either hook up with some random **** or nothing. Im really not down with that. It is just kinda depressing. Why is it so hard to find a cool girl? Sorry for the whining, I jsut have been kinda depressed latley. Well thanks in advance for replies.
first, i am in a VERY happy 8yr relationship. (we're 27 y/o)
i have to say, i am pleased to see that there is a man out there that is going though the same thing that so many of us gals do. ---only meeting guys intested in a quick shag or interested in us merely on physical attributes. not making an effort to get to know us. it's no fun. though it never happened, my ideal pick up line would be, "would you like to go for tea?" OK-- maybe not quite so Victorian. but, you get the idea, neither sleazy nor sappy (it can seem insincere and more like a pathetic cover for sleazy) Also, try meeting girls in a differnt type of place such as a bookstore or record shop. i get hit on at the record shop quite often. not sure why...
Stick with the "nice guy" program as long as you can. Listen to the old man here (Oops - I always say that when responding to your posts; sorry ). When push comes to shove, everything is said and done, and the party is over, women are looking for that one thing that their biology screams into their head like it has been doing for the past 10,000 years......... "Do I feel good enough about this guy that I want to have babies with him?" Got that ?? All biological there pal. They can't deny it, programmed into them.
So............ When a woman gets to that point (as most do eventually) then NICE GUYS FINISH FIRST! Hear that ? At that point all the fun and games are over. it is the real deal..... You know, have and to hold, better or worse, grandbabies, choosing cemetary plots, making a garden together, holding hands as one passes to the next world..... get the picture?
Hey little brother.... if yer out to get laid do the bad boy thing. If you are looking for the real deal then keep on your current track.
And one more thing...... all those fine young ladies that brush you off today will be looking for you when the biological tug takes hold. Trust me, the triggers go off and they get to thinking. At that point you will start hearing from them. But then, my good man, you have to be EXTRA careful. I mean, they don't wear a sign that says they want to procreate with you.
And one more thing...........(man, I'm full of it tonight aren't I?) If, in the course of conversation, you find they have a history of heavy Psycotrophic drug, street drug, or alcohol use then start backing up (slap your face if you feel the "L" word starting to well up....... Hit your thoumb with a hammer if the "M" word tries to appear). This is one place you DO NOT want to go.
Also - NEVER propose to a woman on Anti depressants. Never. Get the chemicals out of the way so you can see the real her.
OK - sorry that I rambled so much. Nice guys do finish first. YOu sound like a nice fellow and all. I hope nothing but good things for you.
Those who dispense tough love to their children now should be prepared to receive same back from them in 30 years.
thanks for the reply..mydog8mybrain..lol funny name. Anyways thanks you have made me feel more confident about myself. When I woke up this morning I slapped myself in the face and told myself to stop being such a whiny baby..and realized that I need to just be myself and be confident with it. Because I know confidence is really important for a girl. I am gonna go out with this girl this weekend and try to redeem myself by just being me..and if that doesnt work then she is not right for me. I guess I just needed to realize that it is important to just be yourself and not try to be someone who you are not. thanks for the replies I am feeling a lot better now.
Splendid Zan! Great to read your post. You are "right on" with the confidence idea. I've been around a long time, dated many many fine women and learned one very important thing: Ask any woman what is the most magnetic thing about a man and 8 out of 10 will give you the same answer. It is confidence. Not money, not cars, not living quarters or looks just plain and humble confidence. It's what's between the ears that counts!
You are on the right track there pal. Best of luck to you.
Those who dispense tough love to their children now should be prepared to receive same back from them in 30 years.