I've been dating this guy since the beginning of the year. He practically begged me to give him a chance to go out with him. I was tired of dating and the games, and really didn't want to date at the time. (I'm 31, he's 38) He seemed sweet enough. Some things didn't add up and/or I had a strange vibe.
ALL my friends were telling me to dump him. But I saw a sweet, intelligent, driven guy. Our dates turned into him calling for afternoon booty calls. A couple of times, we had a date and he wouldn't show up. I got extremely ticked and told him to drop dead. But, he weaseled his way back in.
One of my friends hired a PI to investigate him and didn't tell me until the results were in. Turns out he is divorced and has 2 almost-grown kids. He lied to me about that. And, he's looking all over for women - online chat rooms and online dating services. They gave me a "transcript" of one chat room conversation between him and another girl. And, he's not as busy as he's led me to believe work-wise - he's online and in chatrooms ALL the time - I did some checking on my own the past couple of days.
Here's the big question... Of course, the magic has ended. He doesn't know that though. Do I tell him I know the truth, that he lied to me or do I just not take his calls/emails and let him get the picture? Any other suggestions would be appreciated.
Start chatting with him under a name he wouldn't recognize as yours. Ask him if he's married, has a girlfriend, does he want to cyber, etc. See where it goes. When you're ready, reveal who you really are and dump him online. He deserves no better.
Personally I would gather up all of the evidence and throw it in his face. I'd want him to know that I had found out all of his lies and deceit. Of course that's just me. You need to do what you feel most comfortable with.
Wow that is really messed up.....I don't understand why people play games like that I think there is something lose up stairs I guess. But anyway I would do just like the other ladies say yet I would ad on a bit.Talk to him under a diffrent screen name , send him a fake picture you know and set a date to hook up with him ..LOL and then we he shows up he'll feel so stupid.....Good Luck
Thanks for all the suggestions. Actually, one of my friends suggested that I create the fake screen name and chat with him. Which I did. I told him I'd be at a really lame bar Friday night with friends. He says he was there looking for me until after midnight (lamea**!) He's emailed the fake girl four or five times since Friday.
He did call ME Friday evening - but alas, I was out. I sent him a brief email saying I had company in town - so I'd have a few days to figure out what to do.
And, this friend emailed me a pic of some amazing looking girl to forward to him. (He's not exactly centerfold-material.)
Still debating whether to let him get totally wrapped up in this chick and reveal myself OR to let him get totally wrapped up and then have her dump him.
(One of my other friends was a little more creative and suggested I put a curse of impotence on him - but it required me getting a sheet that we had recently had sex on - and I'm not going thru THAT again just to see if it works! LOL)
As "the fake girl" he said he hasn't dated anyone since February...
One of my friends sent me a fake pic to forward to him to get him VERY interested. He's emailed "her" several times yesterday without a response.
Ironically, he called me 3x yesterday - which he never does. Wanted to know if I wanted to get together for "lunch or something". Gee, I think he was thinking more about the "or something" than lunch. Granted, I could get the sheets to try out that impotence curse - nah - not worth it.
Incidentally, he told me when we first started dating that he was sterile from chicken pox when he was 18. (Which considering he has two kids post age 18, is quite a miracle!)
I can't wait to bust him on this - just letting him set himself up for the fall. I'm rather enjoying it.
[This message has been edited by scbagrrrl (edited 09-03-2002).]
I just came across this topic and think that what you are doing is great! (Am I cold hearted "B"?) I think what he did was so wrong and I totally think you're doing the right thing. And it's not like you're really hurting anyone - besides his ego!
He sent me (the real me) the strangest email the other day - saying that I was the most incredible lover he had ever had, blah blah blah. We haven't even SEEN each other since late May when we had lunch, so I don't know where the inspiration for that email came from. I've been dating someone else in the interim (which he has been rather jealous about).
He called me again yesterday - and unfortunately, I answered the phone not realizing it was him... He told me how much he had wanted to spend some time with me on Labor Day. I remained cool and tried to pretend like I didn't know a thing about the lies - I want to keep him in the dark as much as possible.
He emailed "fake girl" yesterday, giving his full name, saying what hotel he was at in NYC and his room number - for her to call him. "She" responded saying she was swamped with work and wouldn't have time to talk.
I've been deleting his emails but I'll post them here to additional entertainment.
this guy sounds like such a jerk. like you need this, on top of your health problems. I totally agree with the whole "fake girl" thing. LOL. I actually did that once for a friend. We nailed her boyfriend. She gave me his screen name, and I went online under my screen name so he wouldn't know it was for her, and I told him a fake name, fake school name, fake neighborhood, etc... He told me all the dirt about why he was treating my best friend so badly, and then he started talking bad about her to me, and I think he even had the nerve to ask me out, so I saved the conversation and printed it out for her, and she got rid of him. I personally like the idea of letting this guy get really interested in you, as the fake girl, and then revealing yourself! I think he'd have a heart attack right then and there! He would lose "two" girls instead of one, the real you, and the fake girl! Let him have it girl!
Although cute and funny too dont you think this fake girl thing is just a little immature? I would have just called him told him I was not interested in him anymore and moved on. The guy is obviously a jerk and you are wasting time playing this game when you could be out finding a keeper.
I have been dating someone else but the point is that this pathetic excuse for a man needs to be taught a lesson. He played me like a fiddle and took advantage of me. I guess I'm fortunate that I've never been "played" before. I told him from the get-go that I was in a vulnerable state and wasn't up to a relationship or getting hurt. He was the one that assuaded me to trust him, to give him a chance and be loved.
I AM going to call him on it, just letting him dig himself a hole a little deeper. I'm setting him up to be dumped by the fake girl, when he will come running back to me so I can tell him to go crawl back under his rock. The question is do I let him know that I am one in the same or let him be dumped by two different women...
[This message has been edited by scbagrrrl (edited 09-07-2002).]
I'd let him know it's been you all along and wham in your face a*****e! Totally make him feel like a complete looser and freak. Being dumped twice is good, but being dumped twice by the same person(or 2 in 1 person) is better revenge in my books. Let us know what you do.
Let me finish with him first. Then you can have him if you want.
Found out even more lies. He told me that he had played as a linebacker for a couple of different NFL teams until he was hurt. He told the fake girl that he tried out but never made it.
I'm wondering why he felt so compelled to lie so much to me, where he is being so "honest" with the fake girl!!! I looked in the mirror and SUCKER isn't written on my forehead. Asked some of my guy friends and they said I'm far from being gullible, that I probably intimidated him and he was trying to play on an even level.
The funny thing is that when I've responded as the fake girl in emails, I've responded just like I would. He's saying how intelligent and funny I am, blah blah blah. I'm surprised he hasn't made the connection yet. I expect another email from him later this a.m. I'm going to kick it up a notch today. Sending him a rather "racy" news article. Inject some sexuality into the mix.
You all are just feeding this guy exactly what he wants,ATTENTION.If you really want to get revenge on this guy just ignore him.He's a player and I'm sure having a hundred women from this healthboard flocking all over him is just what he wants.You may think you are playing with his head, but in reality he is playing with yours cause hes a player and he already knows the score.Anyway have fun if thats what you wanna do but keep in mind hes the one thats STILL playing YOU.
Don't listen to the naysayers. The guy deserves this. The feelings of low self-esteem you may have felt because of this jerk have been channeled into a creative and fun project-- giving the creep his come-uppance. I definitely think you should wait till the right moment and reveal that you have been "Becca" all along.... then he will know that you have caught him in his lies. Maybe when the time is right, "Becca" could send him another pic... a pic of the real you.
Keep us posted, this is the best thread on the boards.
The real me isn't giving him the time of day. He's still pursuing me, but I want nada to do with him. I am turning the tables on him because I'm giving him a taste of his own medicine. I might even eventually include a link to this for him, and THAT would completely mortify him! LOL
Honestly, my self-esteem wasn't impacted by this, when I found out about his "history", I hadn't seen him in months. I had already given up on him because of the inconsistencies, the fact that he was the worst kisser/lover I had ever encountered, and didn't treat me like I deserved to be treated. I didn't tell him that he sucked in bed, just that I wanted a man that treated me better. But, I think I will revisit that in a conversation with him later.
Good for you!!! I think he deserves exactly what he's getting from you and if I were in your shoes, I would do the exact same thing. I'm not a bitter female when it comes to guys but for the simple fact that he's an A-HOLE! and treats women the way he does, he needs to be taught a lesson. If I were you, I would eventually let him know that you were behind the fake girl. It will embarass him a lot more to know that someone found out what a pathetic liar he is then to be dumped by two different women. AND, tell him that you'll go into the chat rooms he hangs out in and will let everyone there know just what he's like. And if you know where he works and have some of his co-workers' emails, I would send a mass email with details of the story. I'm sure that would go over well... lol...