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Old 11-08-2002, 12:51 PM   #1
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Post is it over?

i noticed a coolness in my relationship and asked the hard question."are you committed to this relationship?" and the answer i got was " i don't know". its been 5 years. yes, we have had problems. nothing horrific..justt everyday stuff. and i have been in the same place questioning , but i made a descision to stay in it..so today i basically said. make a decision( so to speak) going on like this, stagnating, is just letting it die. i dont know whether to be patient or make my own decisions. do i want to be with someone who is unclear if they want to be with me? but this in between stuff is killing me.so i will be patient for today. this really stinks though..like a slow death. yes..i can make the choice but i feel in respect to 5 years i should give it time..( im not real patient)maybe im just wasting my time..i guess time will tell. any thoughts anyone?

 
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Old 11-08-2002, 01:08 PM   #2
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SalW, what I want to know is did you ask the other person or did you make that decision. That may give you your answer. She or he may really care for you, but thinks you are holding back, are you? You may be suffering for nothing, get over your pride if that is what it is and ask that person. It sounds like you really care for this person and don't want to give up. Good luck badgirl

 
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Old 11-08-2002, 01:32 PM   #3
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sorry, but sounds like it's dead already. and 5 years or 5 hundred, it doesn't matter over is over!

 
Old 11-08-2002, 02:39 PM   #4
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badgirl... i found out about 5 weeks ago that my partner was going through these thoughts. i had to figure it out myself and ask the questions. at first i wanted answers right away, but then backed off a bit( didnt want to beat it to death) but today i basically said..you need to put some thought into this. my partner has a tendency to procrastinate with everything. i want to work it out. but at the same time i feel as if making no decisions and letting it slide are just driving it further into the ground. so..i guess i am just pushing the issue to come to some place of clarity. im tired of this not knowing stuff..and want my partner to decide what to do before i make the decison myself. like i said..i want to stay together. but if she doesnt. then i have no choice in the matter. thx for your thoughts

 
Old 11-08-2002, 07:12 PM   #5
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SalW, I still do not know what the main problem really is. At the first did you make a comittment. Did she say she wants to be with someone else or are you assuming that. What makes you think she doesn't want to be with you. Has she came out and told you. Does she not tell you straight out or do you not even ask straight out or just go about it in a ho hum way. You need to communicate if you still want this to work. see ya badgirl

 
Old 11-08-2002, 07:33 PM   #6
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Salw, I just came out of a relationship where both did not tell each other what they wanted, fear I think. He would always say something that made me think he didn't care. He did not express himself very well, but I think again that fear thing. We both had been through a divorce and he had been in more relationships than I had and experienced more hurt and I can understand that. I was always trying to read his mind and I would tell him that, but nothing changed. But do not let things come to an end unless you have an understanding between each other. You may want the same things. That is what so bad about a relationship, no guarantees. But there may still be some things that both of you can do to help your relationship if you want it to work. You have to be open no matter what. Sometimes I would ask myself why I was still there because he would say he loved me and then turn around and say I am not in love with you, we were always guessing. He would buy me beautiful cards that would say the most beautiful things, but turn right around and say he didn't love me, but the cards would always say I love you and you mean the world to me, etc, almost like he was putting up his guard all the time. This is no way a relationship should work. Keep us posted, badgirl

 
Old 11-08-2002, 07:36 PM   #7
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im sorry im so confusing.. we have been together in a committed relationship for 5 years..and lately i have felt her being kinda cool, not reall affectionate. we have had some problems in the past. so i told her i noticed all this and asked her if she was still commited to this relationship..she said she didnt know..i am always direct. she on the other hand is not so forthright with her feelings. its not abiut being with someone else..for either of us.. its about her not knowing if she wants to be with me. its just hard to know how long to be patient or just give it up. when she is making no efforts to figure this out. or do we "take a break"? its just some hard stuff to endure. i have little experience in relationships..so i sound a bit naive i guess. thanks again..any other thoughts are appreciated if i have made any sense yet.

 
Old 11-08-2002, 08:14 PM   #8
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SalW, Does she have any health problems or depression? Anything happened lately of any significance. Women go through a lot of emotional turmoils. But she needs to tell you, if in fact, she knows herself. It sounds like you are trying. Maybe time away from each other may help. Good luck, badgirl

 
Old 11-08-2002, 08:19 PM   #9
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badgirl, i asked her if she may be depressed, she didnt know.. she doesnt know much these days. time away may be the answer, but i fear time away may see me never to return..sadly i like things to be clear when they cannot always be clear.i just dont want to throw away something that may still have life left in it, thanks for taking the time to reply, my best to you, SalW

 
Old 11-08-2002, 10:14 PM   #10
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SalW, you must be a patient person like you said. Ask her to make an appointment with her physician? It may be a physical or a mental thing. Let me know, badgirl

 
Old 11-09-2002, 08:18 AM   #11
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SalW, Do you do things together, take her out, etc. Sometimes one or the other person can be boring. My ex boyfriend, I thought a lot of him, but he never wanted to do anything. You would think of things to do he was always too tired, no money, women like to be entertained, go places even if it is at flea market. But some men are just laid back, would rather sit home in front of the TV. The only thing we had left was sex and that was getting to me!!! You can't base a relationship on one thing. let me know, badgirl

 
Old 11-09-2002, 03:36 PM   #12
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Well badgirl, today its a done deal,she made her choice and we are no longer together. she said at some point she fell out of love with me, doesnt know where or when, just happened. she says she is not happy. i cannot argue with that. guess love isnt enough. she says she is doing this for herself..well by all means..do what u must i say..hope she finds what makes her happy. guess it aint me. i tried my best. life WILL go on. it really will, it just hurts like hell right now..i wanted to spend my life with her.guess not...S

 
Old 11-09-2002, 03:59 PM   #13
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SalW I am so sorry. The way I look at that is at least you weren't married, more to deal with. My relationship ended to, really when I think about it it was for the best, too many problems, bad outweighed the good. Stay busy and go out with friends. It will all workout. Keep in touch, badgirl

 
Old 11-09-2002, 06:55 PM   #14
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Sal - hate to hear about your situation pal.

Fear not. There will be plenty that come along in the future and be glad to take her place if that is what you want.

Enjoy the single life while you can. In time you may find that you are better off anyway.

Good luck,
Bruce

------------------
Those who dispense tough love to their children now should be prepared to receive same back from them in 30 years.

 
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