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Old 11-10-2002, 10:15 AM   #1
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Unhappy Broke up after 2 1/2 yrs. I'm confused.

My boyfriend and I just broke up after 2 1/2 years of and on. WE broke up last December for a few weeks, then got back together. I am the one that did the breaking up both times and I feel like its my fault, but I didn't think he would do it if I didn't. He told me last night he wished me the best and hoped that I found what I was looking for because he knew he wasn't giving me what I wanted, then he said he has tried and he thingks i deserve better. The whole reason I called it quits was b/c I didn't think he loved me anymore, even though he said he did. He acted like I wasn't important enough only when he wanted sex, and it was like when we were together it wasn't special anymore. I still love him and told him that, but I told him exactly how I felt and that I was sick of guessing all the time on what to do or how he felt about me. I always thought we would be together forever, but I just was tired of feeling second best all the time. I just am so confused b/c I would get back with him if he would want a serious relationship, and not just a friend or semi-serious one. I don't know if he still cares for me or is just glad that things are over and I did aways with the relationship so he didn't have to. I just need some advice.

 
Old 11-10-2002, 11:32 AM   #2
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If you didn't want out of a relationship with him (as evidenced by the fact that you would get back together with him) why did you get out of a relationship with him in the first place?

 
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Old 11-10-2002, 12:54 PM   #3
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I did say in the previous message that I was tired of guessing, if he really loved me or wanted to be with me. It's like we were getting further and further apart, less talking and doing stuff together. I just don't think he was as serious as I was. I will not just get back with him like that. I would llike to but it will be the same ol stuff. He just wasnt serious about being together like I was. At least that is how I felt

 
Old 11-10-2002, 07:14 PM   #4
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Hey Beener,
I totally understand how you feel. My husband is exactly like that and it is really hard to know what he is thinking or how he feels sometimes. You just have to be honest about your feelings and if you truly can't handle it than i would stay away from it. Because you definatly can't live like that for the rest of your life .

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Old 11-10-2002, 08:38 PM   #5
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i was in that same position and i left the guy for it. at first i was confused but then i thought about i like
that's not i want for my life . i want someone who is open
i got tired of guessing so i left him for somebodyelse at that time i was stressed about it b/c he didn't do anything and i just left him i just couldn't take it
but now the guy i'm with he is open i can talk to him
about anything he has a god sense of humor,and he understands me very well.
BUT I'D TELL U GO WITH WHAT U FEEL AND WHAT U YHINK IS BEST FOR U
U KNOW WHO U WANT IN YOUR LIFE AND WHO U WANNA BE WITH
so if u feel to go ahead and try someone new!
just do that
LISTEN TO YOUR HEART!!!
I HOPE I HELPED IN SOMEWAY

 
Old 11-10-2002, 09:02 PM   #6
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It is normal when you break up with someone because of disatisfaction in the relationship, to experiance doubt and second guessing and confusion. In some way, these feelings can last for a very long time. But as time goes by, you will begin to realize more and more that what you did was the right thing. If you were not being treated the way you should have been, it is better to leave a mediocre relationship, than to stay in it and be miserable. THis way, your ex might also realize that you are serious, and he could possibly change and reform. But that can really only be accomplished by showing him that you will not accept being treated second rate.

 
Old 11-11-2002, 09:06 AM   #7
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One can say the words "I love you" fifty thousand times a day, but if one doesn't back it up with the actions that prove it, the words are just that.... words. I think you did the right thing.

 
Old 11-11-2002, 08:47 PM   #8
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TO EVERYONE!
Thanks you thanks you for your replies. I feel better hearing what other have to say. He did tell me he loved me but he didn't act like it I though, at least how I thought he should act towards me. And now that we are apart we still might say a few words to each other but his actions definetly speak lounder than words. Also I have another quick ?? He has been partying a lot and calling me friend and bud and stuff like that and talking about moving away just crazy things to me. Is this a sign to try to make me jealous or what. It's not working b/c I am trying to be mature about everything and act like an adult. But it's like he is trying to make me jealous or wonder what hes doing, and I dont ask what he does or really care, b/c i feel his auctions are speaking loud and clear.

 
Old 11-12-2002, 01:01 AM   #9
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oh wow, I am in the EXACT same situation as you are now ^_^. My bf doesn't know if we are still "together" or not, in fact i don't really know what he wants at all. He also says he still loves me and that he will "always love" me. That sounds nice and all, but in the end, it doesn't do anything for "our" relationship.
It's difficult because we are in a long distance relationship. We were living together for a while, but my bf went away for the summer on a school trip, and when he came back, he said that he needed me to go back home (another country). I suppose i understand somewhat his reasons for doing so (would be too long to get in to here x_x), but still, the way he acts now is very frustrating..
Like you, i've basically stopped asking what he does and have tried to convince myself that I don't care.. I guess it's one way of making it not hurt as much..
Every night i go to bed frustrated and with anxiety; he says that i shouldn't break up with him (in my mind we're pretty much broken up anyways??!?!?? so confusing), but everything i feel says that i should, just out of frustration.
It's true.. you shouldn't stay with someone if they are making you miserable.. but it's sooo difficult when it's you ;P I'd say you were a stronger person than me for doing that..
It's a lot easier when you stop having contact with the other person too.. at least that's been my experience
Anyways good luck to you, and let us know

-K

 
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