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*OneStepCloser* · 11-09-2002, 02:02 PM

I'd been with bf for 3 years and we'd been having problems for some time now. Last night in the heat of an argument I broke up with him. Deeply regretting it now. Don't get me wrong. This is something that I've been wanting to do for a while but just waiting for the right time to do it. I picked the worst time ever. I did it over the telephone. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_down.gif I know, I deserve to be yelled at for that. It's just something that you do not do. Never break up with someone over the phone. I wanted to do it in person so that we could try and talk things out and I could better explain things because when you're on the phone it's easy to just hang up and then not answer when the person calls back. That's the case here. I really want to talk about this with him but I'm afraid to call him. He started crying last night and told me that he had to go and I couldn't work up the nerve to call him back.

What if I never get him back now? I really wanted to work things out with him. We had been taking some time apart and it's only been about 2 weeks into that. He started asking a whole lot of questions and I didn't want to answer them. Stuff like, have I decided what I wanted to do, when do I want him to come back, what did I really want, etc. I didn't know the answers to those and he kept pushing me until we started arguing. I don't know what to do now. I'm such a jerk http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif I miss him like crazy and yes I still love him. No I don't want to be with him, but I do want him in my life somehow. He's my best friend. There's no one in the world that's a friend like him. What am I gonna do?
Someone please give me some advice or something. If you need to know anymore I will tell you. Just ask away. I also have another post on this board that has a lot about us on it. Thanks in advance.

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif
Larissa

badgirl · 11-09-2002, 03:03 PM

Onestepcloser, you sound very confused. I think I would give it some time before I contacted him and be sure that you want him or don't want him. This is especially bad on him to leave him hanging.

daylight568 · 11-09-2002, 03:15 PM

If you want him back in your life ,call him right now .It will ease your suffering.I broke up with my BF last week in the heat of an arguement over him not giving me any and playing too many head games with my emotions.I have been seeing him off and on for over 10 years.I love him with all my heart and last week I lost my head and told him it was over and that I was going to find somebody else who could love me the way I want to be loved.I slammed the door and you could probaby hear it all the way to China !LOL.I really regret it but theres nothing I can do cause he never gave me his phone number and I don't know where he lives .So I'm stuck here feeling miserable and broken hearted wondering if he will ever forgive me and come see me anyway despite how much of a bi*** I was.

[This message has been edited by dsheldon3 (edited 11-09-2002).]

badgirl · 11-09-2002, 04:12 PM

Onestepcloser, I am the same way I have to have closure, but it sounded like you didn't know what you wanted. Badgirl

Pinkroses · 11-09-2002, 04:52 PM

I think you should call him up and tell him you want to talk to him but give it a few days before you talk to him in person so things can cool off. You should use this time to seriously think about what you want to say to him and what type of relationship you want in terms of having him in your life. Tell him how you feel and why you acted the way you did on the phone.
Things will work out but you need to speak from your heart, not from the heat of the moment.
Take care.

*OneStepCloser* · 11-11-2002, 12:15 PM

Thanks for the replies.

It's been 3 days and I've given it a lot of thought. I miss him like something awful but I've decided that what I really want is for us to be apart for a while. As I stated before, we were in the process of taking time apart but he wouldn't let things be for a while and I wasn't getting the time that I needed. He was always asking questions and less than two weeks just wasn't long enough for me. Those two weeks was the only time that we've ever taken apart in the 3 years that we'd been together and it's not much of a surprise that I was enjoying the time to myself. All I asked was for him to give me a little bit of space to think about and figure things out. He couldn't do that.

I really want to be with him but there's so much going on with me (anxiety disorder, depression, etc.) that I was really just making him miserable with me. He always said that he would be happy as long as he was with me but I could see the damage that I was doing to him. He's always been so happy and full of life and over the past couple of months I have watched him become miserable and I truly believe that all of it was my fault. I've always been a depressed person and things started getting pretty bad. To the point where I didn't even want him around or want to be touched or anything. I think he deserves so much better than that. He's too good of a person to be treated the way that I was treating him. I love him so much. Too much to see him miserable because of me. He would be so better off without me.

I hate this. I can't even find a decent couselor/therapist or anyone in the mental health profession to help me. I want my life back so that he can be a part of it. I know I give the impression to everyone that I want to be alone and that I agree that that's what I want but it's not really. I want to be with him and be happy as well as make him happy.

Thanks for listening

Larissa

Beaner02 · 11-11-2002, 08:53 PM

I am sorry to hear baout your problem. I am kinda in the same problem with a guy I was with for over 2 years. I think it's best to take time off, and if there is something that is supposed to be there it will be. I am going to try this and hopefully things change for me and if they don't I am hoping it will be enough time for me to move on. Relationships are so hard to understand.

Kytro · 11-11-2002, 09:16 PM

Tough situation onestepcloser.

Just remeber if you take time apart then do it because you need to. I know you said that you were making him miserable, but he should decide if you are not right for him, and you must decide why you want to be apart.

You need to really look at what you want in life, and decide if you want him to be a part of it.

TeaBiscut · 11-12-2002, 01:40 PM

I really understand this situation...

My anxiety disorder and depression were making me irratible and angry at my man. We were together for 2 years and I lost him becuase of my anger and jelousy. I thought I wanted more and needed more from him. But now (after being on anti-depressants) I realize that I was being the unreasonable one. I made such high demands on his little heart that he could not withstand our relationship any longer. It has been one year since he left me and the pain still lingers. There is nothing I can do to bring him back or convice him that I am a changed woman. I have a new boyfriend now but he pales in comparison to the man who I believe is my soul mate.

My sad tirade has a point though. Make sure you take care of your own mental issues before assesing your relationship. You may think that he is the one who is mistreating you, but in reality it is your own skewed perception of things.

I would give anything to have him back...

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