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daylight568 11-09-2002 09:05 AM

Question for guys about nonworking women
 
I'm interested in how most men feel about this subject.
Would you date a woman that did not like to work?
For those of you who have ,have you ever avoided getting too serious in the relationship because you felt it would be too financially demanding or would feel like you were just being used ?

MelNor 11-11-2002 01:12 AM

hehe dsheldon...seems guys are not gonna touch this one with a ten foot pole! LOL

Can't say that I blame them...it's like one of those loaded questions like "do u think I gained weight dear?" You see...There is no right answer!

GREAT question though and I was really looking forward to the guy's answers too!!

Mel

------------------
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

[This message has been edited by MelNor (edited 11-11-2002).]

someguyinhis20s 11-11-2002 09:18 AM

I'll answer, even though I may get torn to shreds.
I don't think I'd want to be with someone who didn't want to work. I'm a firm believer that if you're in a serious relationship, it should be an equal partnership. Both people should be independent and not have to rely on the other. And these days I think you have to be a two-income couple to survive, given how expensive things are. If one person loses their job, at least the other person can carry things for a while. I'm not condemning the woman who chooses not to work. I'm just saying men like myself would prefer someone who did work for the reasons given above.

MelNor 11-11-2002 09:41 AM

LOL...I knew you'd be one of the brave ones someguy!! :)

I agree as well, but only to a certain point. How about when the couple has young kids?? It is proven time and time again that kids who are raised by their mother or father will excell in certain areas later in life.

That's not to say that babysat children, raised in daycares and by nanny's can't be productive, wonderful individuals cause they obviously can! I've seen so many who are!

Statistically though, in a 20 year study done on children who were raised exclusively by their own parents until the age of 7, they were far less likely to become involved in addictive behaviours like drugs and drinking and they also had a 50% lower involvment in criminal activities, they also tended to excell in school.

I think it is a crying shame that living has become so expensive that it forces men and women to both have to work when the children are so young just to make ends meet. I would have loved to been able to stay home with my daughter everyday when she was young to be her caregiver, but someone had to feed and cloth her as well, so, it's a no win situation really.

If I had a very rich husband who was able and willing to provide very well for our family, I'd have no problem not working but at the same time, I'd need something to justify my part in the relationship. Eg-looking after kids, cooking, cleaning, charity involvment, etc. It's important to feel like you play an important part in a relationship for your own self worth and mentality. I'd also have no problem if the roles were reversed and I was the bread winner and he played another important and needed role.

Mel

------------------
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

someguyinhis20s 11-11-2002 10:25 AM

MelNor,

I agree that children under 7 should be raised by a parent, not a nanny or a babysitter. I think more and more parents are realizing this, which is why some women and even men take a break from their careers to raise their children. But the flip side is you have couples who make no sacrifices whatsoever. I know a couple who are both professionals. They had twins and the mother didn't take time off. She just handed the kids over to her parents to raise while she went back to work. So many parents these days are unwilling to make sacrifices. They want the family but they want the perfect career also and they worry that taking time off will ruin whatever career momentum they've built up. If you're not willing to make tradeoffs, then don't have children. Too many parents these days are just selfish.

daylight568 11-11-2002 10:48 AM

Thanks for replying someguyinhis20s.I am only interested in feedback and not arguement so men please feel free to express yourselves .

MelNor 11-11-2002 10:59 AM

I think it basically comes down to a couples personal choice before they get married and have kids. Sometimes there is no agreement before hand and then when the issue arises, it can create huge conflict. Most women seem to just be expected to be the ones to take time off work and not the man and that's not right.

To answer your question dsheldon, I think many men want a woman who have a job for financial reasons and also for individuality. But at the same time, I know lots of men who prefer their wives/gf let them take care of them financially. I think it has a bit to do with how they were raised and if they are in a financial position to do this.

------------------
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

someguyinhis20s 11-11-2002 12:23 PM

I think upbringing is a big factor. A lot of men have been raised to think it's still the man's job to provide for his family and that if anyone should have to sacrifice their career, it should be the woman. Personally, I think parenting responsibilities should be shared equally. A man shouldn't expect his wife to be the only one to cut back on work.

Fearless 11-11-2002 03:34 PM

Just a few cents here ill throw in on my opinion.
First, what about the educated women, who unfortunately in this day and age, arent paid well enough outside the home to contribute. And then, what there is to contribute is about 5%, if that, of her take home pay. The other 95% is going to be paid to the 'sitter'. I prefer to take the sacrifice of not having my 5% to contribute monetarily and accept the responsiblity that 'we' chose, and raise our children with the values, morals, and standards that most of 'us' were raised on.
Now on the other hand, if you make great money, hire an asst and take as much time as possible with your children, as they only grow up once.
SIGNING
A NONWORKING EDUCATED MOTHER BY CHOICE hee hee

someguyinhis20s 11-11-2002 03:41 PM

Hollywood couples have a strategy where only person works at any given time so the other parent is home with the kids. It would be nice if the rest of us had the kind of jobs where we could afford to do this, but these days, if you take a year off from work, employers won't even talk to you. And then there's the ego thing. A lot of people don't want to stop working cause they worry what their friends who are still working will think of them.

Kytro 11-11-2002 10:34 PM

LoL depends what you mean by not wanting to work !!

If you mean sit around on the couch all day and watch daytime TV, then I'd get pretty annoyed. If it just means you don't want a job, then it depends on what you want to do instead.

Just don't like lazy people :-).

*SoccerMom* 11-12-2002 07:16 AM

Hi~
I was very interested to hear the replies to this one!
When my husband and I married, we both had careers with about the same incomes. As a joint decision, we had children and I left my job (4 years and counting!). I have never looked back......However, I am often shocked to hear remarks that my husband makes from time to time---about me not "working". I have done both and I must say that it takes a lot to make a "HOME". It can be overwhelming. (household chores, school activities, music lessons, sports, dance lessons, church, volunteering, story times.....wow! I had forgotten that I wasn't working!! :) ) I cherish the time with my children but I truly miss the adult conversation. I have a small home business and I have been continuing my education online after the kids are in bed. I know that your question was probably geared towards women who are not working at the beginning of a relationship but I did want to add my story. It is important to discuss these kind of future plans when you are thinking of starting a family. It was difficult to adjust to half the income but I am so thankful to be able to not get updates on my children's lives from a child care provider!

Greenberry 11-12-2002 01:07 PM

I am another EDUCATED WOMAN with highly marketable skills, but I prefer to stay home and raise my children. My husband LOVES the fact that I do this. He wouldn't have it any other way. Before we had children, of course we both worked, and now that we have children, we both still work, I just do most of my work around the house. It's great, my husband comes home every evening to a clean house and (most of the time) a home-cooked meal. We never have to argue/negotiate about who has to take off work to take the baby to the doctor. We both know that our children are receiving the best care and attention available, and I don't have to get out and hustle for a paycheck in addition to doing cooking, cleaning, etc., (which most women still have to do most of despite the fact that many of them work outside the home.) It's a win-win situation for our family. I just couldn't resist throwing in my opinion on this matter.

Beaner02 11-12-2002 09:42 PM

My sister got married to a wonderful guy, at least I think so. He has lots of money and everything, nice, caring, genuine, just down to earth. She chose not to work because she is stupid and was out having an affair on him months after they got married. I alwasy told her she had way too much time on her hands to not be doing anything. I think it is ok not to work for a certain about of time if you have kids but I also think that there would be too many things to do to get yourself into trouble, like my sister did.


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