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Old 09-10-2002, 08:28 PM   #1
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buttonnose HB User
Post question for all couples

Hi.. I was just wondering about something. DO you guys put your gf/bf first before your friends or do your friends come first? How should it be? My bf always puts his friends first.. i pretty much come last and we rarely see each other because he's always with his friends. He only sees me like once every 3 weeks. I want to get out but I'm not sure if this is a good enough reason to break up with someone. When I want to see him he'll say, I have to see if Brain (his friend) wants to do something first. Any advice?

 
Old 09-10-2002, 08:42 PM   #2
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star508 HB User
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That sounds like he's putting his friends WAY above you. That's not right. On the other hand, always hanging out with you and not his friends isn't right either. It's a delicate balance. I was lucky in that my bf and I had mostly mutual friends, so a lot of times finding time to see everyone wasn't a problem. But with my previous bf, I totally ignored my friends and canceled whatever plans to hang w/him. Definitely not cool.

 
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Old 09-10-2002, 09:10 PM   #3
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Oh i don't expect him to see me all the time but he only sees me for half a day every 3 weeks. He sees this friend of his every single day at work, even sometimes after work AND on the weekends. Honestly, it's making me very sad and depressed and I don't know what to do. I have very strong feelings for him but I don't think I can handle it anymore.

 
Old 09-11-2002, 03:43 AM   #4
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buttonnose,
It sounds like this guy is using you. Seeing someone every few weeks isnt what i would call a relationship and you know it. From what you've written thats a good enough reason to break up with this guy...MOVE ON and find a fully time lover, not a part time one!!

Kashy
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~*"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow."*~

[This message has been edited by xKaShyLahx (edited 09-11-2002).]
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Old 09-11-2002, 08:44 AM   #5
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If what you say is true then you are not a girlfriend, you are a booty call. Sorry to put it this way but a boyfriend who only sees you for a half a day every couple of weeks is not a boyfriend. I would start dating other people and find a guy who will make you more of a priority. Deep inside you know it is true or you would not have asked. Now its up to you to change your situation.

Gracie

 
Old 09-11-2002, 08:55 AM   #6
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I could careless how much time my BF spends with his friends.I guess maybe I'm a booty call too but I don't mind cause I like my privacy and having time to myself.

 
Old 09-11-2002, 10:42 AM   #7
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I agree with gracieathome. It sounds like to me that there is no relatonship. If I were in your position, I would be suspicious. (This is just my opinion.) I know that in every relationship, Everyone needs some time alone with their friends, but not to the extent that you have described. If he sees you once every three weeks, that is not a relationship. If he needs to see if his friend wants to do something before seeing you, he is always going to put his friends first. I think you would be better off looking for someone else who is going to treat you the way you deserve.
Take care


[This message has been edited by Pinkroses (edited 09-11-2002).]

 
Old 09-12-2002, 09:16 PM   #8
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I once was in a relationship exactly like that.... YOU ARE BETTER THAN HE DESERVES!!! I let my self-esteem and heart and soul go to the guy I was with and what did it get me?? Nothing but trouble, I became a co-dependent, his care taker ( I was 18 and supporting us on 3.35 an hour), and in the end I was his punching bag.........I realize that not all of that is going to happen necessarily, but you must and i stress MUST make you happy first and I am here to tell you, you do not sound happy. You sound like an awesome person with much to give, but please please please give it to someone worth it. Go out with your friends, have a good time, meet new people, you will see that how you are treated is not right and I agree with the others, I think deep down you know it. Take Shania's song and make it yours "Man, I feel like a Woman!" Good luck!!

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Old 09-13-2002, 01:28 PM   #9
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leave him.to him it seems like you're not worth his time.

 
Old 09-13-2002, 03:04 PM   #10
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Hey
You have a great reason to leave him, if you let him know how you feel. true indeed, he should know better, but some are slower than other and lack common sense. Telling him what the deal is is only ...I want to say fair but he's doesn't sound fair. Yet, at least when it is all said and done you can walk away saying I tried and he lost something good. If you told him how you feel and he chooses to do nothing to help the situation, dump him like a bad habit, because you do deserve better.
Peace!
Wooda

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Old 09-15-2002, 07:20 PM   #11
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Let him know how you feel and if he doesn't care or keeps treating you how he's treating you now, leave him. Your worth more than that, if the relationship ends its his loss not yours As hard as it is to let go if hes being a loser---remember theres plenty more fish in the sea

 
Old 12-15-2002, 04:17 PM   #12
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forget that ! i come first . dont let him do that to you go get someone that will want to be with you and not hold his friends ---- all the time. yes a guy needs time with his buddies but not all the time go out get someone that is worth your time

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Old 12-15-2002, 07:34 PM   #13
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Totally agree with Gracie and Drewbaby. He's not giving you the time of day, so why should you stick around and torture yourself like that? Sure it's important for SO's to hang out with separate friends, but not when it becomes a barricade to contain the relationship.

 
Old 12-16-2002, 12:30 AM   #14
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You have to ask yourself: do I need this? And is this relationship making me feel better about my life, or is it making it a misery? I think you know the answers. Get out of this relationship because it's just causing you frustration and pain.

 
Old 12-16-2002, 05:58 AM   #15
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MonsterBiceps HB User
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Leave him. He's useless. And I guaranttee he has other girlfriends.
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