how 2 "chase after/attract" a guy? - Relationship Health Message Board

cookie monster · 12-18-2002, 12:09 AM

Hi there,

Work wise or school wise, I'm fairly ok. However, when come to "relationships", I'm jelly/scared/shy/nervous.

I don't think I'm ugly, more leaning towards Plain Jane. Besides, I wear contacts & not endowed like Pamela Anderson. Other than tat, I'm rather friendly & good hearted (like most people).

So, how do I get a guy to "notice me & ..." There's some nice guys but in this world, do gals who try to make the first move seen as "****s/cheap/useless"??

Advice would be helpful & I thank u very much.

Katelinrose28 · 12-18-2002, 03:02 AM

You have to be yourself.
If you go changing everything about you to get some guys attention you will still feel bad cause he wont know the real you. And you run the risk that when he finds out who the real you is it wont fit his personality.
Be yourself, Have confidence in yourself and give everyone a chance. Most prince charmings start out as ugly toads. All things happen in time I wouldnt worry about it now.I would worry about being myself and having fun. Things happen when you lest expect them.

Katelin

maryett · 12-18-2002, 06:22 PM

Hey CookieMonster, Katelin has some very good points there. I really think confidence is the key. When you're happy about yourself and your life then you will start attracting guys. I know plenty of gals who aren't exactly oil paintings but manage to never be without a guy.

And you aren't being picky by any chance, are you? I was very picky when I was a teenager/early 20's and I just ended up with no-one. Back then I wasn't interested in a guy unless he was drop-dead gorgeous, but they were all ****ers underneath and weren't interested in me.

cookie monster · 12-19-2002, 07:54 PM

Hi there,

Thank you very much for your replies. I appreciate it lots. :=)

I'm not picky, like everyone else. I wish for the following in THAT special one guy:

1) tell the truth DIRECTLY & PERSONALLY (so IF I put on 10kg, I prefer tat than be told "honey, u haven't put on weight!")

2) make me laugh/smile

3) not fool around

4) don't smoke/drink/gamble

5) don't do drugs, not even marijuana

6) a good heart

I don't ask that my BF be wealthier than Bill Gates, more handsome than Tom Cruise, ... just be 'normal'. Mebbie along the way in future, I might add to the list but not excessive.

Myself? I keep good personal grooming, don't drink/smoke/gamble, ... blah blah blah ... I don't know why but I sometimes get envious when I see couples on the streets & among frens & start asking myself,"there must be something wrong with me!!"

This is life, UP & down ... ;P

autumnleaves · 12-20-2002, 07:55 AM

This may sound stupid but I'll tell you what I did (and I'm 43). I just got tired of being alone and picking losers and had gotten to the point of "who cares?"; it's easier being alone. But one day about two weeks after ending a relationship, I put a personal ad in Match.com. I didn't even use a picture, put in what my pet peeves were and what I wanted. And to be honest, it was truly a lark...I didn't care if nobody answered and I wasn't going to pay the dues to answer guys' personal ads. I, like you, am a "plain jane". And I just wanted a nice normal guy. Oddly enough, I had a few responses (I admit, it felt weird so I took my ad out within one week). But one of them seemed so honest and kind that I did write him back. I looked at his photo on his ad (that was free) and read his words. We began emailing and met one week later. It was nice getting to know him a bit before meeting. Then we spoke on the phone...he was so nervous on our first date (and he thought I was beautiful) and he brought me flowers and a teddy bear (no one has ever done that). He doesn't drink much at all, doesn't smoke, doesn't gamble, very rarely swears. He is good, kind, gentle, and decent. He WANTS to be with me and would rather be with me than with anyone else. He doesn't smother me, doesn't talk alot, never yells, is NEVER mean, and would do anything for me and my daughters. He told me he loved me on our third date. He asked me to marry him two weeks later. We are now married and I love this man so much. He is everything you describe and more. So...bottom line...maybe try the personals...you never know. You might get lucky...(I know three other people who met their husbands/fiances this way). Good luck to you. And you really want someone who thinks you are beautiful even if no one else does!