For those asking on my situation...not good - Relationship Health Message Board

Proud Papa · 12-24-2002, 09:31 AM

I had posted a message looking for advice about a month back regarding my failing marrage and issues with achohol abuse and financial problems.....

It looks like it is about to take a turn for the ultimate worst.

Just a recap of the situation. I am a 33 year old male with a 34 year old wife and two outstanding children ages 10 (boy) and 7 (girl) my wife has a achohol abuse problem and refuses to get help. We also have problems with too many bills not enough money coming in which is pretty transparent to the family as I handle everything and sometimes it can be quite a burden.

Current status. Things really came to head the day before yesterday when my wife came home from a party at her job very very intoxicated...I let her know I was not happy about it.....she proceeded to wake up the whole house (it is about 3:00 am at this time) I take her move her out of the room where the kids were at trying to talk her down.....taking a lot verbal and physical punishment the whole way. Before it is all said and done she is outside banging on the front door window of the house....breaks it and cuts her hand..I immediately get the kids up and try to take her to the hospital but she wants no part of that so I have to call 911 because I do not know how badly she is hurt. The first time the police have ever been called to my house. They calm her down give her medical treatment and she leaves with a friend.

The next morning she comes home and sleeps all day...things appear to be getting to the point where we can talk about it and overcome it before Christmas. I call home from work to find out how everyone is doing to find out she is going to yet another holiday party starting at 5:30 pm. Now keep in mind that this is the day before Christmas Eve. I give her a call on her cell phone around 8:30 to remind her please dont come home too late because we still need to wrap our children's christmas presents. She said she would be home soon and we would take care of it. She wakes me up at 12:30 am when she gets in and once again you guest it she is intoxicated. I once again tell her that I am not happy. She immediately starts too pack says she is leaving and not coming back. I ask her....BEG HER to stop because once again she has woken up the kids I am now simply too exhausted to try to stop her anymore and I ask her to not leave and sleep it off but she leaves anyway. I get woken up at 4:00 am in the morning to banging on the door and it is her wanted to come in and go to sleep. Now saying that I should be the one to leave. She basically degrades me for the next 30 minutes before she passes out. I have to get up at 6:30 am in order to get to work on time.

Keep in mind that this all happened on the day before Christmas Eve and Christmas Eve. I am trying to understand how anyone could do this to their family...not just the kids but myself included....with a clear concious. She was fast asleep when I went to work this morning but you can bet the kids were up...they are afraid of what is going to happen next.

I love my kids....and I still love my wife regardless of everything that has happened...but I am so so tired...mentally and physically. I dont know what to do next. For anyone out there that has seen this situation before....comments would be appreciated.

rebecarooni · 12-24-2002, 10:54 AM

First of all, call Al-anon right away!! Get your kids some counselling and tell your wife it is time for tough love. She needs to sober up for the kids if no other reason. Your kids are the most important thing here and as hard as it may be, she can't be allowed to totally disrupt their lives. Good luck.

dsheldon3 · 12-24-2002, 11:07 AM

Does she only get this way during the holiday seasons when she has to go to all the parties or does she do this all year long?If its just during the holidays maybe things will calm down after the Holidays.
As much as you hate what she is doing ,trying to discuss it while she is intoxicated is NOT a good time.When she comes home drunk like that it might be better just to be kind to her,and even make love to her if possible.Then wait a day or so later when shes feeling better discuss your feelings about what she is doing while holding her close to you or holding her hand while you talk about it.Kindness can sometimes work wonders if its done right.I think for the childrens sake its best not for them to see you fighting.So try to discuss things that might lead to a fight while their not around if possible.Goodluck and I'm sorry you have to go through this.My BF is an acoholic also and I know they can get pretty mean when they are intoxicated.

[This message has been edited by dsheldon3 (edited 12-24-2002).]

Proud Papa · 12-24-2002, 11:31 AM

No she actually does this year round....although right now is the worst of I have seen it.

At this point it might be too late....I am going to make a phone call before I go home from work today to see if she has changed her mood at all...and if so it looks like I will have a long and lonely holiday break...

The biggest thing here is my kids....who she keeps saying "they are tougher then you think" I DONT THINK THAT IS THE ISSUE.....these kids are some of the best behaved, kind, fun loving, caring, good looking, great kids you ever would see.....and the sight of them crying last night and the night before is STILL in my mind......

I am feeling kind of lost and disoriented right now....and I need some serious help.

dsheldon3 · 12-24-2002, 02:22 PM

I think your children are crying more over seeing the two of you fight more than her getting drunk.Since she refuses to get any rehabilitation for her drinking you have two choices.Except her drinking habits and her for who she is for the childrens sake,or divorce her ,get custody of the children and hope that your children will understand.