How to deal with manipulative people? - Relationship Health Message Board

MiffyBunny · 12-29-2002, 03:24 PM

I recognize those who are manipulative, but dont know how to deal with them.

For example, yesterday there was a party and had a confrontation with a friend of a friend.
We were talking about my new apartment and she thought it was way too expensive and told me that I was stupid to pay that.
I only met her 3 times and always tries to make me feel stupid and laughs at me in front of everyone.
When I am in this kind of situation and person, I ignore that person because she always thinks she is right and never listens to other's opinion.
When I replied to her that it was her opinion and I was happy about the apartment, she said oh, I cant listen to you anymore. Shut up, you are stupid and let people take advantage of you.
Yep, thats what she said!

Then, she started to talk about boob jobs and that she's pay $5000 for a perfect pair of boobs. At this point, I wanted to revenge and make a nasty comment like... how can you tell me I am wasting my money on an apartment while you would spend you money for that?

I was about to tell her that but I knew she'd reply back and we'd have an endless argument and I didnt want other people to feel uncomfortable, so I just left.

What else could have I done in this kind of situation? I know that by raising my voice and show that I am angry will make things worse, but wanted to let her know that she was being incoherent and I was mad at her and do something so that she never messes up with me.

[This message has been edited by MiffyBunny (edited 12-29-2002).]

jasmine30 · 12-29-2002, 03:40 PM

Hi Miffy,
I DO NOT tolerate people of her calibre..If I had been you I would of on the spot told her it was none of her biz how much I paid for my apartment AND told her where she could take it...People such as this heifer has no respect for others and flaunt what they think they have to everyone they meet.You are so much better than she ever will be..As some would say,"She's nothing but a cold turd warmed over on a stick."She is not happy in her life or why would she be so callous and cruel and spend such money(throw away money)on something to make herself look different..Deep down inside she feels left out and not worthy..Sorry but how I see it..You had the right to stand up for yourself regardless of getting loud..Dont let people run over you or they think they can do it anytime they want...Remember you are above her..

Jasmine

maryett · 12-29-2002, 05:41 PM

I agree with Jasmine, Miffy. If she is going to be patronising and openly hostile about something you're doing with your life that is totally none of her business, then why don't you have every right to tell her that? Next time she says something stupid make sure she knows it. For starters it will make you feel a lot better about yourself, because I bet you're more mad at yourself for not saying anything than at her. But make sure you attack the comment and not the person behind it.

MiffyBunny · 12-29-2002, 06:34 PM

Thanks for the replies!

You are right, Chinchilla. I am very mad at myself for not having said anything to her. I can't get that memory off my head!!!!

I didnt want to argue with her because I didnt want to spoil the party, but I should have been more selfish.

I will make sure to "reply" to comments like that from now on. I am sure I have learned a lesson.

Thanks very much!

janedoe1301 · 12-31-2002, 11:35 PM

Chinchilla's right - make sure you retaliate against the comment, not the idiot behind it. In your case it's best to stand up for yourself by pointing out how your living expenses are no one else's business; if you attack back by telling her that her boobs were a waste of money that makes you stoop to her level. Honestly, people like her stay the way they are because most others do as you do and turn the other cheek to prevent a scene. So basically their behavior continues in a perpetual cycle until someone stops it...