Found a note...what should i do? - Relationship Health Message Board

charby15 · 12-26-2002, 12:30 PM

OK here is my situation. I have sort of posted about this once before. My BF and i have had a great realtionship for the past 7 months. We have talked about gettin married and having kids. I was even pregnant at one point but miscarried. He is not from around here and has twice mentioned taking me home with him to meet his family. But i have never talked to them. Also, he has this psycho ex fience that he says can't let go. I know he has talked to here occasionally, which bothers me but i try not to let it cause i am still friends with 2 of my ex's. Anyway, i have always been a little insecure about her. But he has never really given me a legit reason to not trust him. But when i picked him up Thursday to take him to the airport i found a note from someone. It said "Baby, I love you and miss you. I am so excited and can't wait to see you when you get home! Love ya" and it didn't have a name at the end. His mother is 65 and it didn't look like an old persons writing, acctually the writing looked like it came from a teenager!! I think it was from her! I just don't understand. 7 months he is with me, i would say out of that 7 months he has spend 98% of it with me. He practically lives with me. I plan on confrounting him about this when he gets back. I can't stand the thought of him being with her right now as i am typing this for all i know!! I think what i am going to do is wait until we are at his place so i can have the note in my hand, that way he can't deny anything. What do you think i should do? Should i follow my gut by thinkin it is from her? the thing that sucks is i really have no way of knowing....I have her phone number but i don't think i want to turn into the psycho by callin her! that is just not my style. Any help would be great, thanks!

Chelle1977 · 12-26-2002, 12:38 PM

You don't know who it is from and you don't know WHEN it is from! I'm guessing its not dated if its not signed. Sure, she probably wrote it at some point, but it could have been months and months ago and didn't quite make it in the garbage. Lord knows my husband never throws anything away!

I think you should TALK to him about it (not CONFRONT, but TALK). And you should put some distance in your relationship. You live together and you've only known him 7 months? Thats just too soon.

charby15 · 12-26-2002, 12:45 PM

Well it looked like it was just taken out of the envelope! But i know you are right cause he has been here for 2 years now so it could be old. And i also keep things too. But i just found it odd that i found it right before he left to go home for Christmas. And we don't live together i said he practically lives with me. Meaning he is at my place every weekend and atleast 3 out of 5 weeknights. so what is that 5 out of 7 days of the week! He has a toothbrush at my place and some clothes that he leaves, but thats it. How should i talk to him about it? What do i say?

Chelle1977 · 12-26-2002, 01:10 PM

Just tell him the truth. Say, I found this note and it worries me. I really care about you and I want to know how you feel about me. Just don't be accustory and confrontational. Keep the tone down.

And its still too soon to be "practically" living together. Studies have shown that living together such that each of you has your own place is actually bad for your relationship and you're more likely to end up in divorce or whatever.

EddieDean · 12-26-2002, 01:12 PM

Where did you find the note? Is it at ALL possible that was left for someone else or that it was written by him to you or something?

I don't blame you for being a little suspicious. It doesn't sound like this guy has given his ex the clear message she needs, and the fact that she's still in the picture at ALL shows that he is either still hooked on her a little bit or is driven by the attention. In either case, he should've made it very clear to her and you that his relationship with her is NOTHING and that she needs to get a life. I think if these things had happened, you wouldn't tend to be so suspicious of him.

Regardless, the note does seem a little weird coming from ANYONE, so I'm trying to figure out where it was found and the story behind how you came across it. I agree that confronting him angrily is probably not the best idea....you could always say "hey, you left this in my car" and see how he reacts! If he starts babbling on like an idiot, then maybe you should pursue this further! If he gives a legitimate reason, then your mind will be put at ease without telling him off and embarassing yourself.

I hope this all works out for you. Psycho "exs" are the WORST....and it's really not your fault at ALL. You shouldn't have to deal with her issues.