My friend needs serious help... - Relationship Health Message Board

Angelene · 04-08-2003, 05:22 PM

What do I do when a friend of mine isn't mentally strong enough to take care of herself? She makes herself physically ill and doesn't eat for days over problems--like having an exam, or when something goes wrong with her boyfriend. What can I do, or what can she do? I personally think she needs therapy and possibly anxiety medication.

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"Never give up, never surrender!"

[This message has been edited by Angelene (edited 04-08-2003).]

wrin · 04-08-2003, 11:44 PM

You could talk to her about it, but the old adage stands true; you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

She has to really want to help herself before she'll do it. I would hope that as a friend you would try to help her, but keep in mind it is ultimately her decision -- if she lashes out at you and is angry or if she doesn't want to help herself, you can't let it get you down. You tried!

Angelene · 04-09-2003, 09:04 AM

That's exactly my point--about leading a horse to water--I feel like all the advice I give her goes to waste. 5 months ago we'll have a conversation and today she'll come crying to me over the exact same thing! I'm at the point where I want to tell her that she can't come crying to me when she hasn't listened to my advice, or the advice of others, and that she has to start making her own decisions--but is that something a friend should do? Won't she simply feel rejected?

It's frustrating to me to watch her with her self-destructive patterns. She's in a horribly destructive relationship with a guy who just isn't for her and yet she doesn't want to break up with him b/c she "doesn't think she can handle it right now". That to me is a horrible reason to stay with someone--it's being with someone just so you aren't alone.

Is there any sound advice I can give her to make her wake up and face the world?

------------------
"Never give up, never surrender!"

wrin · 04-09-2003, 04:41 PM

It's something a friend should do -- IE, be honest.

TELL her she's being self-destructive, and that it frustrates you. TELL her that you can't stand it when she refuses to help herself and then is hurt again. Friends aren't always lovey-happy-dovey perfect. Sometimes the truth hurts.

Being brutally honest sounds to me to be the only choice you've got left, really.

Angelene · 04-10-2003, 12:38 PM

Thanks for your help--I do appreciate it. I'll see how things go, if I need to say something to her I definitely will.

Thanks!