confused & need advice - Relationship Health Message Board

Blue2U · 04-11-2003, 11:58 AM

I'm very confused and in desperate need of advice. Things are going extremely well between my boyfriend and me. I am so happy that I can barely stand to be around myself !! We have so much in common, share the same goals, morals, ideas. My life has never been so perfect. He also says he is the "most fortunate person in the world" and how happy he is since I came into his life.

He has 2 children from a previous marriage and I have one. I have my son all the time and his children live with him 2 weeks out of each month and with their mother the other two weeks. Works out well, we spend alot of time doing "family" things.

The confusing part ....before meeting him I had been saving money to buy a house. I've lived in an apt. for 3 years and that's long enough. My lease expires at the end of May. When I first starting looking at houses I was looking in an area closer to my job, which is 45 minutes from where I live now. My bf and I live within 10 minutes of each other at this time.

I began rethinking the whole process because he was constantly dropping hints like "don't buy a house", "don't move down there" ..."I want you with me" ....a few times he'd even said "just move in with me" ...however, during such direct statements it was usually after we'd been out and he'd a few beers. Earlier this week he'd told some friends, who of course, told me ....that he was totally in love with me, I was the best thing for him and he never thought he'd do this but he wants me to move in ...when our friends asked him if he'd talked to me about it he said "kind of" .....Well, now ....I've got 2 months to decide what to do and besides his little "hints" he never mentions it. ....As a matter of fact just today he said ..."I don't want you to move that far away from me, I prefer you close, like on your side of the bed" .....but then he says ..."I'll understand if you move down there and we'll find a way to make it work"

Are these mixed signals? I'm torn about what to do. Do I renew my lease where I am for another year so we can be close? Do I move anyway since he's not making any direct statements otherwise? ....Is he being wishy-washy ....what's going on?

coaned · 04-11-2003, 01:00 PM

How long have you been dating?

PAISLEY · 04-11-2003, 01:01 PM

"As a matter of fact just today he said ..."I don't want you to move that far away from me, I prefer you close, like on your side of the bed" .....but then he says ..."I'll understand if you move down there and we'll find a way to make it work"

Jlaffey--This statement tells me that he is only thinking about you and what you want. I don't think he's sending mixed signals. He may, however, feel that moving in together IS a big step and he may not be so sure of how YOU feel about it, so that's why he said he'll understand if you move down there... So, why not just talk to him about it. If the relationship is as perfect as you say it is, then there shouldn't be any problems communicating this to him.

Good Luck~

Blue2U · 04-11-2003, 01:10 PM

Thank you. Communication isn't our problem. However, as I stated, he's never "really" said "move in" or "how do you feel about moving in" ...Well, I take that back ...one night we actually talked about what I'd do with my things, my cat, however, then it wasn't brought up again.

While I feel we communicate quite well ...for some reason, I feel a little awkward bringing it up first. I don't want to put him on the spot or make him feel awkward either, it he's basically just thinking out loud when he mentions it.

PAISLEY · 04-11-2003, 01:34 PM

Well, IMO, I think you're thinking about it too hard! If you guys are so in love with each other, there shouldn't be anything that you can't bring up, whether it's *first* or not. To me, that's kind of silly to think that way. All of the awkwardness should be gone if you've reached that status of being sooooo "in love" with one another, I would think. The worst thing he could say is "Ummm...I don't want you to move in with me." And what would be so wrong or bad about that? You all haven't been dating but about 2 months or so, right? So, maybe it's too soon to move in together? Mabybe that's why you feel awkward bringing it up..hmmm... Again, I say talk about it and if both of you want to do it, then go for it. Don't just go off of hints or him thinking out loud. Get him to say what he really thinks and you say it too.