fantasing (not always sexual) - Relationship Health Message Board

starshine2212 · 04-12-2003, 07:58 PM

What's the rule on fantasizing? I've been married for two years, am 22 (no lectures on marrying young please!)and am curious if anyone else thinks of other people. My friends seem upset that I would even think of a thing like that. I'm not acting on them, just thinking. But it's about people I know. Any opinions

Blastoff9600 · 04-12-2003, 09:09 PM

It all depends on you and you alone.
Look at it this way there was an interview with Will Smith and His wife Jada she mentioned that they fantasy about other people during sex and foreplay. She even teased Will Smith that he will have a favorite that he uses for a while and then a new favorite will come along and he will use that one. I thought that was so cute that they were open enough with each other they could talk and tease about that part of their life.
It doesnt matter what others think on this becuase it honestly has nothing to do with them since they arent the one married to you.

I wont knock you getting married young I was 20 and DH was 19 when we got married. I know I have used fantasies of other people either with DH or when I am taking care of myself.
Also antoher thing is many,many people fantasy about others whether they admit it or not. The only time it turns bad is when you do act on those fantasies or the fantasies start to rule your life. Since that isnt the case for you then dont fret over it.

EddieDean · 04-12-2003, 10:08 PM

Hmmm this is a sticky issue. If you DO have thoughts of other people, I think you'd be wise to keep them to yourself....not many people are as cool with the idea as Will and Jada. I'd have to question the degree and nature of these thoughts. It's one thing to picture yourself dating or sleeping with a celebrity on occasion, it's another to do so with someone you actually know. I think the frequency is also a factor. It's one thing to think about your favorite actor every now and then, but it's quite another when it's ALL you think about....or when you accidentally call your guy the wrong name in bed.

Personally, I never think about being with anyone other then my guy on whatever level. He's a handful on his own...I don't think I could handle juggling thoughts for another man in my life! I guess I don't really want to. If I found out he fantasized about a celebrity every now and then, I wouldn't really care. If I knew he was thinking about someone he actually knows, that would be a much bigger issue. I'm very open minded and very understanding, but being interested in someone enough to fantasize about dating or sleeping with them signifies something much bigger then a friendship. When the line gets blurred, who's to say what may end up happening?

sprout · 04-13-2003, 07:07 AM

Starshine,

Blastoff and Eddie make some very good points. As long as your fantasies do not become more than an occasional occurance you should be alright. From what you are stating, it appears that the people you have shared this with are not open to such things and in the future you may save yourself a great deal of frustration by not sharing those fantasies with them in the future. Have you ever approached the topic of fantasies with your husband? If so, which direction did the discussion take?

Sometimes your fantasies aren't necessarily meant to indicate your desire to be with a specific person. They can sometimes indicate your desire to see a specific aspect of that person's personality become a part of your husbands. Other times, your mind is just playing out an erotic scenario of a particular sexual activity that arouses you and that you, on some level, would like to experience. The person appearing in those fantasies isn't meant to be the focus. I would say that if you continue to have fantasies about one person in particular and that person is someone that you know...you may want to sit down and assess your relationship with them and adjust your interactions with them in a way to eliminate any temptation you may feel later to make those fantasies a reality.

If you and your husband are able to communicate well, perhaps leading into a discussion about fantasies in general could be a possibility. I am not saying to blurt out..."honey, I had this fantasy of doing it with Tom Cruise". That, in my humble opinion, would be counter-productive. But gently approaching the subject and finding out what his thoughts are on fantasies in general could help.

Good luck to you,

sprout

BTW...I do not consider 20 to be young with regards to marriage. Afterall, I got married at the age of 17. Scary thought, I know!

maryett · 04-13-2003, 03:03 PM

I totally agree with everything Blastoff said. I don't have any problem with fantasising about other people, as long as you don't act upon it.

I started a discussion which would be a few pages back now, called "People Obsessions", which would give you an idea of the things that go on in MY mind, LOL!