Memories of an ex-girlfriend.... - Relationship Health Message Board

coaned · 04-14-2003, 11:22 AM

Well, my bf and I moved in together last year, and when we were packing, we came across a gift that his ex-gf gave to him. It was a little box filled with little pieces of papers that had different memories on each of them. I aksed him if he was going to keep it, and he said that he was going to keep the box and empty it. Okay...that's fine.

He we are a year later and moving again. I ended up packing some of his clothes...and what do you know? I found the box, still with all of the little peices of paper in it. When he saw that I packed the clothes, he said, "so, you must have seen the little box...did you look inside?" And I told him that I found the box, but I didn't look inside. I did shake it, though, and I told him that. Then he got really upset, and I told him that I was not upset, but I didn't know why he saved them. He told me he saved them for the memories, and I could tell he felt like a jerk. I pretty much left it alone.

When we moved I threw out all of my pictures and memories of my 1st love whom I broke up with years before my current bf and I started dating. My bf broke up with his 1st love less than a year before we started dating.

So do you think that in due time he will not feel the need to hold on to old memories? Should I be really upset? I am playing it cool because I don't want him to know that it really bothers me.

#1Texan · 04-14-2003, 11:35 AM

Coaned
I don't think it's an issue. If he is true to you and is only with you, then let it alone. My husband still has pictures of his XGF, and I could care less, I know how he feels about me.

He should have chunked the papers like he said he would do. Probably forgot, men can be like that at times.

If your relationship is good and you trust him, I advise to just leave it be.

Hoping I helped

#1Texan

sprout · 04-14-2003, 12:49 PM

Coaned,

I tend to agree with Texan. However, it may be something more. It seems as if perhaps that particular relationship left him with some unresolved issues. Perhaps he did not receive the closure that would make discarding the item something that he is emotionally able to do.

If it does bother you...perhaps thinking about it and trying to determine what about it bothers you would be helpful. It could be any number of things and is usually something that you can overcome if you understand how the break-up affected him.

I don't really know what else to tell you as I am not in your position. Your boyfriend will discard the item when he is ready to. Try not to let it bother you as doing so could likely cause you to be bitter.

Good luck to you,

sprout

[This message has been edited by sprout (edited 04-14-2003).]

Blastoff9600 · 04-14-2003, 01:04 PM

I have to agree with Texan on this one. My Dh also has pictures of his ex. He was even engaged to this ex but it was broken off about 6 months before we met. The interesting thing was I was suppose to be his rebound fling....lol love kind of smashed that little plan of his..lol But he still has picutres of his ex and even notes. They are tucked away in a closet right now. He has said he would throw them away if they bothered me but I told him he didnt have to simply because they are his memories and he is entitled to keep them if he wishes. Just like I still have notes and pictures of some of my exes.

Dont push him to throw them away even though he did say he would. Sometimes things happen and men tend to forget.
I do agree about thinking it over and see what about it bothers you. If need be after you have thought it over then calmly sit him down and talk to him about it. But dont force him to throw them out. You dont want him resenting you trying to control him and some guys would see that as being controling. Chances are when he is ready to throw them out he will. Just like when one out grows a favorite toy or such.

coaned · 04-14-2003, 01:22 PM

I think that it bothers me because his ex is still trying to keep in touch with him. She sent him an e-mail a month ago saying that whenever she listened to an album, she cries thinking about him, and wondered if he did, too...which he doesn't! She sent him a card for his birthday 2 weeks ago. It said how she wants to be able to talk about life and problems with him. Luckily he handle that one well in my book. He told me to read it, and I did. Then I told him I thought that it was nice, and if he wanted to be friends with her not to let me stop him. He told me that he has enough friends, ripped the card up, and threw it out. She just will not let it go, and I guess that is why I am left confused about his feelings.

I think that he is over it, but then I am not sure when things like this happens...whether it's her calling, or me finding old memories of her.

BTW...we have her pottery that she made and gave to him all over our apartment. Does anyone think that this is weird?