The VICTIM SYNDROME - Relationship Health Message Board

Ling · 04-13-2003, 08:02 AM

Do you, like me, know someone who always blames everything on other people for their own misery, caused by themselves. It's almost as if they intentionally self-sabotage themselves in order to get others to reinforce this sick syndrome of "the poor victim" ... whether it's someone conspiring against them, or a situation, i.e., "the bus was late today and I KNOW itz because the bus driver MUST hate me," "I shoplifted because I was so bored and if my boyfriend had spent more time with me, I know I wouldn't have done it--it's his fault!." And worse yet, is when anyone doesn't accept her irrational reasonings, she says, "you just HATE me! that's all!" This person is 22 yrs old, will she always be like this?!

frastrated,
Ling

Janel909 · 04-13-2003, 01:59 PM

Man to be honest. It sounds like she needs some help. As in talking to someone and really finding out why she does this. The sad thing is is if she keeps this up she is going to have a very hard time keeping someone in her life as a b/f or husband.

The only thing I can say is try to sit down with her and really try to find out what is really going on in her head and why she does this? But when you go to do it be kind don't be all ok what is going on. You have to kind of put yourself in a women's mind frame. Be kind, gentle and speak soft.

--Janel909--

maryett · 04-13-2003, 03:17 PM

In the scheme of things 22 is still very young and immature. She may grow out of it, or a few bad "reality check" type of experiences will jolt her out of that way of thinking.

But as she goes through life she may end up surrounding herself with situations and people that support and nurture her behaviour. Members of my own family are an example of that. In which case they will probably never snap out of it.

HoosierBj · 04-13-2003, 08:36 PM

The "victim syndrome" is more and more common I think. People seem to blame everyone else for their problems, parents blame teachers for their kid's problems... Seems like the "me generation" really laid an egg.
Sorry - this is one subject I've thought alot about and it bothers me every time I see more evidence that so many people are unwilling to take responsibility for their own actions.
Hopefully the pendulum will swing back...

Ling · 04-13-2003, 09:39 PM

I totally agree with you... it's been an era of permissiveness and unwillingness to be responsible for your own actions, or the lack thereof. I didn't grow up that way, and thank God for that! By the way, now that I think about it, I see alot of this attitude in the workplace, too... slackers making excuses for their "slacker" attitudes and behavior... it's deplorable and shameful to see grown adults do it, it's worse when you see Parents fostering that kind of environment with their young kids.

Now, as the first respondent posted above, when it's been embedded in your psyche for a long-period, it becomes their way of life and what a pitiful life it can be, UNLESS they can learn, via extensive psychotherrapy perhaps?, to stop playing the blame game and be responsible for themselves.

Thanks for your feedback.

Quote:

Originally posted by HoosierBj:
The "victim syndrome" is more and more common I think. People seem to blame everyone else for their problems, parents blame teachers for their kid's problems... Seems like the "me generation" really laid an egg.
Sorry - this is one subject I've thought alot about and it bothers me every time I see more evidence that so many people are unwilling to take responsibility for their own actions.
Hopefully the pendulum will swing back...

[This message has been edited by Ling (edited 04-13-2003).]