i don't really know what to do - Relationship Health Message Board

wowzers · 04-15-2003, 05:49 PM

i'll briefly explain the situation. i started dating this girl, and after a while, she told me she had bulimia, and was very consciencious about her weight. through time, i learned that this poor girl not only suffers from bulimia, but many other eating disorders, and overall, is just obsessed with being too thin.
thanks to me (sorry to sound selfish), she is now seeing doctors and her family is now aware of her problems. well, after about 2 months of dating her, she broke up with me, telling me she needed to get her life back in order before she could date. we are still really close, and i try my best to help her get over her disorder, but nothing i do really seems to be significant.

i'm just wondering if i could get some tips on how to be there for someone with a disorder such as this, and what the best ways i can help her are? we both still have some romantic feelings for each other, and no matter how much they may need to be put off to the side, it's not an easy task because there is still hope that an understanding relationship between the two of us may exist in the future. part of me is very selfish in that respect, because i partly want her to get over her disorder so that we can maybe achieve that understanding relationship; but at the same time, what i ultimately desire is her happiness, whether it be with me, or not.

right now, i particularly need some advice in this situation, so that i do the absolute most that i can for her. thanks so much for any suggestions at all.

#1Texan · 04-15-2003, 06:12 PM

Wowzers
You don't sound selfish, you did the right thing by leading her to Doctors.

The only way she will get over this disorder is on her own and thru the Doctors care, she wont get over it overnight.

Be supportive of her and patient with her and most of all let her get well. She is probabaly still in the mind set that anyone with a eating disorder has and that will take time to come out of.

I hate the way I look and I'm not overweight or underweight,but it's not easy looking in the mirror everyday.

I have a very loving supportive husband, even if he does roll his eyes at me when I tell him I'm fat.

Patience on your part.
Time on her part.

Take care

#1 Texan

wowzers · 04-15-2003, 07:13 PM

thanks a lot for the support. i've known her pretty well for four months now, and i've gotten a much better understanding about the disorder she has than what i had before we went out. having said that, i understand that mostly anything i say to her will not make her feel any different about her disorder (i.e. telling her she isn't fat, ect.) it's just a rough ordeal, as i'm sure that both you and your husband can probably both relate, and i have not been involved in this situation long enough for me to really get discouraged, and i just hope and pray that i never do get discouraged to that extent (if that extent even exists). do people with such disorders ever manage to get over them completely?

#1Texan · 04-15-2003, 07:32 PM

Wowzers

I cannot speak for others and my situation was/is opposite. For me the answer is no. I was heavy 178 pounds to be exact and I am 5'5, 7 years ago i dropped to 109 I am now up to 140, to some that maybe just right, to others I would be overweight???? I guess it depends on who you talk to?? You know what I mean.

Every body that new me in the fat days, says I look really good to stay where I am at.
I even had liposuction 4 years ago thinking it would give me the perfect body...didn't happen, yes it's better, but not what I wanted and I'm still not happy with the way I look in my jeans, shorts, etc.

geez, listen to me! Sorry about that.

Again, I know for me I will always be fat, so your girlfriend will/may feel the same, I honestly don't know.

Hang with her my friend, you sound like you really are concerned and sincere

Tex

wowzers · 04-15-2003, 07:53 PM

well, thank you once again; and yes, i am quite concerned. it really pains me to see her so miserable--or to see anyone so miserable in life. i don't know, but the way you talk seems to me that you may not have "conquered" the disorder, but you seem to be dealing with it, getting on with your life just fine, and yet, not being unhealthy about your decisions? would this assumption be incorrect?

of course i want the best for her, and i think the best is for her to be able to rid herself of such a disorder; however, i'm sure things are not that completely simple, and she will probably fight it a little bit all of her life. i just pray that she could move to the level i was just speaking of, and be able to be a happy person, without so many troubles, and yet not be completely confident about her appearance. an oxymoron?