why cant I make it work - Relationship Health Message Board

Im_Robyn · 04-11-2003, 01:30 AM

Lately I have been thinking that there is something really wrong with me, I have been seeing this guy, well not just any guy my daughters father for about three months now, the longest I have ever been with someone. Heres where the problem is we have had an off and one relationship for five years now, after about a month of being together I would leave him. But now I cant because he is now reconized by the state as my daughters father so he has rights and also the girls seem to like him around. But lately like always I have gotten to the point where I dont want him around. For one he is the exact oppisite of everything I want in a guy, hes not bad at all he totally loves me and the girls and would do anythin for us. I know my problems with him are all superfisial. I just wish I could get passed it cause now Im stuck. Does anyone have any ideas on how I could tolerate this man and just accept the fact that I'm stuck with him.
robyn

#1Texan · 04-11-2003, 05:40 AM

Robyn
I don't see how you are stuck. If your not married to him you have the option to not see him. Your kids can see him as much as they want, it's called visitation.

There are solutions.
Make yourself happy.

#1 Texan

sprout · 04-11-2003, 05:52 AM

Robin,

I agree with Texan. You do not have to force yourself to have a relationship with this guy. Your daughter IS entitled to a relationship with him and setting up a visitation schedule for the two of them would be beneficial.

Don't let yourself get into the mindset of thinking that it would be best for your children to have mommy and daddy together. Forcing yourself to be with someone when the two of you aren't really meant to be together usually ends up being far more painful for the kids than you think.

Take care of you,

sprout

Autumn Angel · 04-11-2003, 08:22 AM

You are not stuck just because he is your daughters father! God if that was true I would be stuck with a total idiot for the last 12 years lol.
You mentioned that 3 months is the longest you have ever been with someone did I read that right? I am asking because if it is right you may have some issues yourself like you get bored after the inital spark and excitement has gone out of the relationship and it might need some shaking up and maybe the spark will come back? Is he a bad guy or mean or anything? Or are you just bored and sick of him?

Good Morning Tex

Fancy meeting you here

have a great day.

Autumn.

livenlearn · 04-11-2003, 10:11 AM

you're just not in love with him... and apparently, haven't been with anyone if you haven't been able to stay in a relationship for longer than 3 months... plain and simple... nothing's wrong with you... you're just not in love... he is not "the one"...

i was in a marriage for 9 years with a man who i wasn't in love with.. and completely thought something was wrong with me... because ..at least for the first half of the marriage he was very good to me.... so.. what's wrong with me ?? i would ask.. why can't i love him and i why can't i make this work...( we have 2 children together)

well, he made it very easy for me ... cause although i wasn't in love, i was commited... but, he chose to cheat and lie for about 4 years and we've divorced....

but, point is.. i have learned that it wasn't because there was something wrong with me... i just wasn't in love with him....

since him i had very minor relationships.. each lasting like a month here a month there... and that continued to plague my thinking of "is something wrong with me??"... BUT, i met my fiancee a year ago... and we're getting married in june (something i thought i'd never do).. but, i AM in love with him... completely... and i'll tell ya... what a difference!! people that aren't sure if they've ever been in love... then they haven't.. cause i can tell ya... i have NEVER loved anyone the way i love him....

anyway, don't get down on yourself.. do what you need to do to make yourself happy.... because the happier you are the happier your children will be!