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Old 05-03-2003, 11:36 AM   #1
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Post boyfriend gets mad when i cry!

Well i have another issue with my boyfriend, i have been battling it fir 2 years now! when i get upset and cry and really don't want to talk about it, it's almost like he forces me because he thinkks i am always mad at him, i mean it's not every time i get upset, he isn't insensitive all the time but he can be often, why is he like that?? like everytime i am upset it is about him?? i am not always mad at him and he seems to think it is always something catastrophic when i am upset he just dosen't understand that girls can get emotional at times, and i have told him this, but he dosen't understand and he makes me feel crazy! how do i explain it to him better??

 
Old 05-03-2003, 05:45 PM   #2
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Dollface,

I mean no offense by this next comment...but...here it is. It sounds as if you and your boyfriend have some major communication problems. You stated in a previous topic that when you do attempt to talk to him about issues he turns things around and/or tries to make you feel guilty. It doesn't sound like he is very in tune with you and there really isn't much you can do to change that. He is the one that has to see the problem and then work on it for himself.

Granted, since we are only being offered your side of the story I cannot say that it is all on him. It may be the way that you attempt to address issues that puts him on the defensive. I am not saying that is the case. However, it may be beneficial if you assess the way you bring things up and make sure that your approach is one that promotes constructive conversation.

Just a thought,

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Old 05-03-2003, 07:52 PM   #3
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Well, this is from a guys point of view that had a girlfriend that cryed at the drop of a hat.

I can understand crying about stuff like..pet,friend, family dieing, physical pain, maybe getting fired from a good job...etc.

But to cry just to cry, that is soooo annoying. Crying is for babies. Why dont you grow up and quit crying? Or maybe seek some emotional help from a doctor, there may be some problems in there somewhere.

Sorry so harsh, but it's the truth. Very very annoying.
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Old 05-03-2003, 09:15 PM   #4
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i cry all the time, and i'm not ashamed of it...i'm just a very emotional person and if i feel the urge to cry i don't hold it back...most guys hate to see us crying and some assume it is always something they did...some just want to fix what's wrong so we'll quit crying...if i cry, my hubby makes me tell him what's wrong, but i find that to be a wonderful thing...it shows we can talk about everything...explain to your guy that sometimes you just cry to let it all out, it's not about anything in particular, and you wish you could be alone during these times....

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Old 05-04-2003, 07:42 AM   #5
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I agree I cry also and my husband always wants to know what is wrong right on spot. I think it is his way of wanting to fix things and be apart of my pain but sometimes I want a moment to myself, or I can't put how I feel into words at the time(sometimes that's what brings the tears the fact that you can't put a strong emotion or feeling into words).

Billy--Everytime a person cries is not for you to always understand it seems that maybe you should grow up or mature a little more. I would assume she may have been crying because of your insensitivity and did not know how to tell you. I would be shocked if you were still with her. I am sure she is with someone else a lot happier. (Not crying)

Sorry so harsh, but it's the truth. Very very annoying.

 
Old 05-04-2003, 11:12 AM   #6
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Billy...being a "crier" myself, I can tell you that the MAIN reason I have cried in a relationship is because my significant other was not responsive to my needs. If I am trying to get out my feelings and to talk about what the issue is, the LAST thing I need is for my guy to tell me that me crying is "annoying." I had this happen a few weeks ago...I tried talking to my boyfriend about something and he got extremely unresponsive and defensive. I started crying, and he had the nerve to tell me that my crying was annoying and that he doesn't like dating me when I cry. Do guys honestly think that saying something like that will make us think "oh okay, I'll stop crying so I'm not annoying you!" Instead, it makes us feel foolish for trying to communicate our feelings and even worse about the situation.

I already feel horrible about not being able to control my emotions. The last thing I need is for my boyfriend to tell me how annoying it is and how he doesn't like being around me when I do it. What would HELP the situation was for him to be more responsive in the first place and to be open with communication before I get frustrated in the first place. It's hard not to cry when you feel like you are being ignored and that the most important person in your life doesn't care what you are trying to say.

 
Old 05-04-2003, 07:12 PM   #7
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Well, crying over nothing is for babies. Grown women should'nt cry. It's a cheap attempt at getting attention.
How can you women hold a job (problably dont work) if you cant control your crying? I can just see sitting in a big department meeting and if something does'nt go your way, you bust out in tears. You would'nt last long at all.

plm10467: I most definatly am not with the "cryer" anymore more, thank god. Im sure she is with someone else, crying like always. I really feel sorry for the guy. HAHA

So, keep on annoying your bf/husbands..cry about nothing. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa =)

BILLY GOLDSMITH
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Old 05-04-2003, 11:50 PM   #8
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Well Hopefulhope:
If you read my first post about this:
Quote:
Originally posted by BILLY GOLDSMITH:

I can understand crying about stuff like..pet,friend, family dieing, physical pain, maybe getting fired from a good job...etc.
You'd see that I am not against crying or showing emotion over things that warrent such "crying".

What I am saying, crying for no reason is annoying and it's an attempt at getting attention! They NEED help if they cant control thier emotions.

So far every women (except Hopefulhope) here have admitted that they just cry for no reason because they cant control thier emotions.

Thank god I have a woman that is very in tune with her emotions and is secure in herself that she doesn't have to resort to this kind of "crap". She is a strong woman, and I love her to death. I feel sorry for any guy that would have to put up with a cry baby for a wife/gf.
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaa....


BILLY GOLDSMITH

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Old 05-05-2003, 01:34 AM   #9
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BILLY GOLDSMITH

Have you ever heard of Hormones? Women have them and Hormones a LOT of the time CONTROL US.


Your woman must not have any. Must be a robot.

You can STOP right now telling us that we are "cry babies" "annoying" and "attention getters".

You say "seek emotional help from a doctor,there may be some problems in there somewhere"

I think you should take your own advice.

#1 Texan


 
Old 05-05-2003, 02:34 AM   #10
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#1Texan:
I'm standing firm on my beliefs here.
Now you come up with another excuse; HORMONES. Ok and i guess another excuse is PMS. AND another excuse is menstration.
Soooo, if we add that all up, that's MAYBE 3 weeks out of ONE month that a women has a right to cry/complain/be a *****.

Sorry, im not buying it. I've met so many women that use all these excuses to be a pain in my rear. Unfortunatly these women make a REAL woman look bad, and as I said I have a real women that does'nt need to use these lame "excuses" to be a cry baby/*****/whateverelseifeellikebeingthismonth kind of women. HEHE. THANK GOD for my girl =)

BILLY GOLDSMITH
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Old 05-05-2003, 02:52 AM   #11
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Not excuses. Not Justifications.

Facts.

You are obviously not old enough to understand about women or hormones.

A Reminder.
This is a support board, not a bash or be negative board.

#1 Texan

 
Old 05-05-2003, 03:25 AM   #12
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i know all the people here will agree with me when i say this...billy--i honestly believe that your women cries in private because she doesn't feel comfortable enough to do it in front of you...ALL women cry...that's the way things are and will always be...just because she is strong when she is with you, doesn't mean she is strong when she's laying in bed at night...i feel sorry for her, because she probably feels the need to cover her emotions...you bash us for crying and we are just strangers...i can't even imagine what your g/f is going through...women are emotional and most guys are good about it and accept it...

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Old 05-05-2003, 11:33 AM   #13
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Billy, I believe you when you say your current lady doesn't cry, and that's great that you've found a very steely, unemotional woman if that's what turns you on. Having said that, I really don't believe women who are more open with their emotions or who are more sensitive than your lady cry over nothing. Very rarely do people cry over absolutely nothing. They may not know how to articulate what's wrong, it could be the stress of many other factors building up, but rarely to people cry over nothing. I'd be willing to bet that your ex cried a lot because basically, deep down, she knew she was in love with someone who didn't love her back. Some men don't understand, or don't want to see, how unbelievably painful that can be to some women. Many men treat their romantic relationships like a hobby or diversion. To most women, their romantic relationship is the most important thing in their life. In my last relationship, I hardly ever cried at the beginning, the only time being when he told me several times he loved me, then said it would be nice to hear it back. I had never said those words to anyone before in my life, not even my parents, so it was hard. But I took a week of long, intense soul searching and decided I could take the risk and finally tell him I loved him too. I did, and he took that moment to tell me he had changed his mind and didn't think he really loved me anymore. He didn't think that was any reason for me to get upset, but that was only because he was only seeing it from his side. He was incapable of seeing why what he had done hurt me so badly, because he was just being true to his own feelings, but he hadn't bothered to consider my feelings at all. If I had been smart, I would have left him then and there and never looked back. But I felt I had committed to the relationship and if I gave it enough time, things would work out. I suppose in my inexperience and naivity, I thought I could love him into loving me. Well, we were on again off again for about two years after that, and toward the end, I was crying all the time. Not as a manipulation tactic, not as a game, but simply because I was very much in love with this man and didn't want the relationship to end, and it was becoming more and more clear that it was going to, and as hard as I tried, there didn't seem to be anything I could do to stop it from happening. To me, it was like seeing a family member that you love very dearly slowly die from a long, painful illness. You know they are going to die, and you know they are suffering and death would be a release and a blessing for them, but it still kills you inside to see it happen, and you still don't want it to happen, and you're still outside their hospital door bawling your eyes out. Was I still able to function at my job? Of course. Did I or do I break out in tears because things don't go my way on the job? Of course not. The fact that you would suggest such a thing, that women who cry in their relationships also carry the same level of emotion on the job shows how very little understanding you have about how women deal with relationships and romance. I do think a few women sometimes may use crying as a manipulation tactic, just like some men do (cry a little if you can, chicks dig that, she'll definitely forgive you) but I don't think it's fair to say all women who cry over something that you don't understand are doing it to manipulate or because they are emotionally dysfunctional somehow. It could be that you are just a very emotionally truncated, very emotionally shallow person who just doesn't experience feelings very intensely, who is just never saddened by bad things, and you are intolerent of people who do. Or maybe you have issues with women. But I would have to agree with the other post above. Being highly intolerent of a woman's emotions is a symptom of abusive behavior. In the infamous book, Men who hate Women And The Women Who Love Them (this book has taken a lot of heat and ridicule, but it is actually a very well researched, very informative, intelligent book) the author tells a story of a woman in a very emotionally abusive relationship. Her man was constantly in between jobs, irresponsible, and looked to her to care for him and make things right and got upset when she didn't do that to his liking. He said the first time she broke down and cried it was such a "f*&%ing disappointment" to him. He expected her to be his rock, his constant, ever-flowing breast of strength, compassion, solace and love. This was a very highly unrealistic and unfair expectation he had put on her. You say there's something wrong with a woman who cries too much, and to a degree, that may be true. But I say there may also be something wrong with a woman who never cries about anything. If your woman never cries about anything, ever, if I were you, I'd be aware of how I feel the first time I do finally see her cry, and why, or I'd beware. I personally don't trust a person who never ever cries over anything at all.

 
Old 05-05-2003, 12:51 PM   #14
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Well said!

There are some very basic and factual differences between men and women. How they communicate and feel.

Remember the book, Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus?

There are a lot of very intelligent people that have and still are exploring this issue.

People are people and everyone is different. But on the whole women are more in touch with and therefore are more likely to express themselves emotionally.

And I am sorry, but hormones DO play a part in womens lives and emotions. It is not an excuse.



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Old 05-06-2003, 01:48 AM   #15
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Ok, this is the last I'm going to reply to this post.
All you women have come to the ridiculous conclusion that I am an abuser/beater/whateverelse. Simply because it gets on my nerves that girls cry about everything for no reason. HAHA......
You women have to make up excuses for you behavior and it's a good attempt. Put the blame back on the "man". That is typical.
So, besides... hormones, PMS, and mentration; what other excuse do you have for being a cry baby? LOL. Like I said, that's close to 3 weeks out of the month you guys have a reason to be "emotional"....

What would you cry baby's do if men finally realized how fake you are and started using thier "testostrone" levels as a reason for every thing they did that made you mad?
That's right, thought so. Women have to rationalize thier behavior with lame excuses; while men could care less what you think. muhahaha so owned it's not funny....now go cry some more...waaaaaaaaa....................... .......................


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