He doesnt know what he wants - Relationship Health Message Board

justlikeyou · 06-19-2003, 08:52 PM

Hey everyone,
Im new to this board but I figured it would be a good place to ask a question such as the one Im about to ask.
I was going out with this guy,we were boyfriend and girlfriend,we werent just seeing each other casually,it was a full time thing.Anyways,all of a sudden out of no where he ended things and said that he just wasnt ready to have a girlfrend and that things just happened too fast,that we were together too much too fast.Im 17 and hes 19 and I was the first girl he ever went out with and the only girl that he ever hung out with.I like him alot and I know he has feelings for me but for some reason he backed out of this.Were still friends and hes taking me to my prom in 2 weeks.I dont know if I should take to him about "us" or not.When we were together we always talked about all the things we were going to do in the future and we always had so much fun together.We were always laughing and making jokes.He was so sweet to me,he would always do little things for me that made me feel special.I didnt have sex with him or anything like that in case anyone was wondering.After he ended things I went to his house to get my things and I was talking to him and I said something like "...but then you dumped me" and he was like "I didnt dump you,dont say it like that" I have no idea what that means.When he ended things I took it really really hard,I cried all the time for like 4 days and I kept having these really intense dreams about him that would wake me right up out of a dead sleep and Id be sweating and there would be tears down my face and I would be crying really hard.Anyways,Ive been thinking alot lately as to weather or not I should talk to him about getting back together with him.I dont want him to think that Im just gonna wait around for him until hes ready but I do want to be with him alot.What should I say? Hes the kinda guy that wont really say whats on his mind so thats gonna be kinda hard.But I just have this feeling about him and whenever I talk to hi )post break up) we always have the best conversations and I have strong feeling that theres something hes not telling me.Am i crazy tro think we could get back together?Does anyone have any ideas as to what I could say to him? Things that would be effective? Thanks for taking the time to read this..I know your all busy..take care

Magnetic · 06-20-2003, 08:21 AM

Does he go to college? If so, it sounds like he met someone there, as guys just don't up and drop a gf without reasons.

I advise you to tread slowly and carefully. Try to find out why he dropped you. If he did it once, he can do it again just as easily. The fact you have welcomed him back so easily kind of lets him know that he can do these things and you will always take him back.

USCRooster · 06-20-2003, 09:05 AM

Both of you are very young, and maybe he just wants some freedom. While there are some first-love type relationships that last, most of them do not. People are different when it comes to commitment. Some are thrilled to spend their life with the first person who really makes them happy. Others need to explore their own preferences by meeting different people. They feel as though they might be missing something if they just settle down with the first person they fall in love with.

On the other hand, decent guys really do not like to hurt girls' feelings, so he might be willing to talk. Tell him that you need for him to level with you - that you are already hurting, and what he has to say will not make it worse.

I know how much it hurts right now; and it will hurt for awhile. But waiting around for him or hoping that if you try to just be friends for awhile he will change his mind will only prolong the hurt and delay the healing. You sound like a sweet person, and I have no doubt that you will meet someone else