any advice??? - Relationship Health Message Board

susgan · 06-21-2003, 05:25 PM

I have 3 sons, the one to which I will refer too in here is 18. He graduated 6 months early from high school, he made honor roll more often than not. He is generally a good kid. He has had his drivers license for almost 2 1/2 yrs. with NO violations, he has worked part time/full time for the last 3 1/2 yrs.

Wonder why I am writing? Sometimes I do? He has turned into a child I do not know any more. He has been acting like I am the most royal pain that ever walked the earth lately. He has said some very "mean" things to me. We are having his graduation party tomorrow, and he told us last nite that he wishes he didn't have to deal with it at all. He almost refuses to write thank you notes,has told us he does not wish to be here to talk with people he does not know, he would rather do things on his own.

I understand that he is 18....not a boy, not a man. I am just so confused on why he "hates" me so much all of a sudden. My husband was never real close with him, I always was. He has always come to me with any problem. He has talked to me aboutgirl stuff before. We have a very open great son/mother relationship untill he turned 18! Is it just the age? Is this part of him growing up? He willgo wothout speaking to me for days and it doesn't bother him. Kills me, but he doesn't seem to care.

well, I am sure you all don't need to know my life story, but am just so confused that I feel really lost. The only time he comes to me any more is if he needs something. Any other time he is distant, rude, short, and just sort of mean. I love him with all my being but I am to the point that if you can't be tolerable, I may have to ask him to move out.

Any help??

Susan

Creeping Crud · 06-21-2003, 07:30 PM

Hey Susan,

Although I am certainly not an expert on parenting or dealing with teenagers, I do remember what it was like to be one.. It sounds like your son is doing something very necessary for his successful survival in the real world.. He has to push away from you and develop his own sense of self and independence if he's ever going to become a man..

The good news is that when he reaches that point, your relationship with him will probably return to normal (or better than normal).. He won't be your little boy anymore, but he will still be your son & if you let him, your friend.. It sounds like you two have been exceptionally close throughout the years and I doubt that he's going to forget that, regardless of how he's currently acting towards you..

I probably wouldn't have as much insight into the matter if I hadn't gone through the whole thing myself.. My mother and I were very close when I was growing up, but when I hit 17, things drastically changed between us.. It wasn't because I loved my mother any less, mind you.. I honestly believe that it was just part of nature taking its course.. After all, the mother bird has to push the baby bird out of its nest sooner or later.. In my case, I wanted desperately to fly..

By the time I hit 22 or 23, I was emotionally mature enough to want her in my life again.. We are now the best of friends and I don't know what I'd do without her love and support..

I know the next few years are probably going to be tough on you, but don't fret.. I'm sure that things will improve.. He probably just needs some time and space to grow up a little..

Take Care,
Melanie

bgirl · 06-21-2003, 07:48 PM

He's flyin' the coop!!!!! I did it ,and my mother and I have very close relationship.It's just that when you are trying to find yourself........................carve out your place in life,essentially grow up,the last thing you want is to be is like your parents,you want to be anything but.(I realize I'm generalizing) It is a survival instinct of sorts. Don't forget the torrent of hormones a 18 year old boy or girl have coursing in their veins.Good luck!!!!!!!

[This message has been edited by bgirl (edited 06-21-2003).]