My boyfriend still is good friends with his ex - Relationship Health Message Board

elizabeth81 · 06-23-2003, 03:49 PM

Hi, I saw this message board, and thought some of you might have some good advice for me.

My boyfriend (for about 1 year) is still really good friends with his Ex girlfriend who he dated for 4 years, in high school, and all through college. When I met him in college, he was just going through the process of breaking up with her -- a process that took like over a year. He never really talks about her to me, which is fine. But I still have a really weird feeling about it. I know that they are just friends, and that he loves me. But the fact that he has this close relationship with a girl that he was also in love with for 4 years tends to bother me. I just don't know how to approach it. I would never ask him not to be friends with her, but the fact that he hangs out with her so much, but doesn't really mention her to me, totally weirds me out. By the way, they live in the same city in Connecticut, and I live in Philadelphia. So i've never even seen this girl.
I guess my question is, should I bring this up to my boyfriend, and if so, how? I've been dealing with it for so long, it just seems like I'll look jealous.

UF baby · 06-23-2003, 04:23 PM

I don't think you'll look jealous by bringing it up to him, and if you are jealous so what? You have the right to any emotion you please

I think it's reasonable that two people who dated for 4 years would remain close friends..I mean they probably knew everything about each other, right? It's probably easy for the two of them to communicate and have fun with each other. Everyone needs a good friend they can depend on; your boyfriend is one of the lucky ones who found a good friend in his ex, someone he was already close to. Be happy for him!

I can kind of relate to this though. My boyfriend was best friends with a girl before he met me, and they liked each other (he even asked her out once.) Anyways, they stayed friends even when him and I were together. It bothered me, mostly because he never talked to me about her. EVER. I don't even remember how I found out they were best friends, he certainly didn't tell me. Well, I never said anything to him because they aren't friends anymore and when they were our relationship was only like 2 months old so I wouldn't have felt comfortable enough to say anything..I sure as heck would now though.

You should be able to talk to him. Tell him you are glad that he has such a good friend, but you need him to reassure you that she's only that; a friend.

Take care!

nick3454 · 06-23-2003, 04:49 PM

my best friend is a girl also. i'm upfront about it and so is she with her boyfriend. she even stood up for me when her ex-boyfriend told her to stop talking to me, i love her for it and i would do the same.

i'm also good friends with my exgirlfriend. i value my friendships, these ppl help make me who i am.

i understand where you are coming from, feeling uncomfortable. But most likely there's nothing going on. My girlfriend would know who my friends are, male and female. And she shouldn't be bothered by me spending time with them. She should get worried if i spend more time with them than i do with her.

But you do need to be reassured that she is only a friend.