to those who have replied to my previous post, thanks.
well a sad update, like i have said before, my friend was entertaining a prospect of a suicide and i know he is capable of doing it. he actually did it. he tried to commit suicide but fortunately, he was saved. he was saved by none other than the person who is involved in this. after the whole event had been cleared up, he told me that the brother still refused to talk to him despite his pleas, and now he situation has grown worse. it appears that the brother made a rather insensitive and outright disgusting remark in my opinion when he was having a very short and heated one on one. according to my friend, the brother had second thoughts about saving him ( he tried carbon monoxide), he knew something was up but didn't do anything, and that he had thought about just letting it be. but in the end he couldn't do it. he added that despite what had happened, and despite the anger, he was still his brother and his parents would have been devastated. he also added that if my friend was successful, they would take it out on him (brother). as my friend told me more details, i realized that i need to at least make my presence know and at least mediate. according to my friend, his brother showed no form of emotion and was almost candid about it.
my friend's brother's words greatly rattled my friend even more. although he was able to convince his parents that his suicide was about something else. but i feel that he will try again. all he ever wants is answers, closure, and some peace between him and his brother. and once again he is looking at me for support and answers, but i am without words. as per every suicide survivor, psychiatric treatment is always the end result, but i know my friend he will keep a tight lid and not say anything. and if i do mention something he knows it will be me who slipped the beans.
i know for a fact that this will lead to another attempt if not resolved immediately. i need some advice, any advice. but please don't tell me that im being stupid, or wrong or abandon my friend, he nor i don't need it. i don't want to lose a friend. please give me something i can use/do. i am looking for ways to have a talk with his brother. anything.
thanks for everyone who has lend a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to lean on.
I read your previous post so I would understand what was going on a little bit better.. I'm very sorry that your friend tried to commit suicide & that he's having such a tough time emotionally right now..
I can't say that I completely understand his unusual feelings for his brother, but that's really not the issue here.. The issue is that your friend is in serious emotional pain and needs help immediately..
Is there any way that he can be removed from the situation for a little while to regain his bearings? I'm not talking about an institution or anything, just maybe staying with a friend such as yourself.. You didn't mention how old he was, but I got the impression that he was still living at home (with his brother).. It can't be good for his state of mind to have a constant, daily reminder of his inner turmoil..
I would also have to suggest that he seek counseling to help him sort out his feelings, why they exist and hopefully begin some sort of healing process.. I'm not entirely sure that his brother wouldn't benefit from counseling too, but it isn't as if you can make either of them go..
It must be very confusing to be your friend & it's very admirable that you care so deeply for him.. The simple fact is that after dropping a bombshell like that on his brother (I got the impression that he told him about his feelings - maybe I'm wrong), it's probably going to take a lot of time for his brother to feel comfortable around him again.. And sadly, they may never be able to repair their relationship.. That's something that your friend is going to have to eventually learn to accept..
But he also needs to learn to accept that his feelings aren't entirely his fault.. Yes, he probably should've kept them to himself because of the extreme sensitivity of the situation, but counseling might help him discover why he feels the way he does and help him feel better about himself.. It's really the only answer in this scenario..
Unfortunately, I don't see an immediate resolution in sight regardless of what you do (but I'm not saying that you shouldn't try to help him if you feel that you can - I'm just not sure that you're qualified, which is not an insult, just an indication of how serious the situation is).. The answers, closure and peace that he seeks won't magically appear overnight.. But with time, patience, understanding (and counseling), he might find them..
I wish you both the best of luck.. And regardless of what anyone else might post, you aren't stupid, you aren't wrong and it would be foolish to abandon your friend in his time of need..
Take Care,
Melanie
__________________
» pain and suffering are inevitable, but misery is optional «
Here's some information I found about paraphilia (which is what your friend is likely suffering from)..
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What are paraphilias?
Paraphilias are impulse control disorders (mental illnesses) that are characterized by recurrent and intense sexual fantasies, urges and behaviors. Paraphilias are considered deviant—outside of acceptable patterns of behavior—because they involve unusual objects, activities or situations not considered sexually arousing to others. In addition, these objects, activities or situations often are necessary for the person’s sexual functioning. With a paraphilia, the individual’s urges and behaviors cause significant distress and/or personal, social or occupational dysfunction. Someone with a paraphilia may be referred to as "kinky" or "perverted," and these behaviors may have serious social and legal consequences.
In some cases, individuals with a paraphilia have the urges or fantasies, but do not act on them. People with a paraphilia generally are unable to sustain an affectionate relationship and/or find it difficult—if not impossible—to engage in normal sexual intimacy with a partner.
Most paraphilias are rare, and are more common among males than among females (about 20 to 1 of males to females). However, the reason for this disparity is not clearly understood. While several of these disorders are associated with aggressive behavior, others are not aggressive or harmful. Some paraphilias—such as pedophilia, exhibitionism, voyeurism, sadism and frotteurism—are criminal offenses.
Having paraphilic fantasies or behavior, however, does not always mean the person has the mental illness. The fantasies and behaviors can exist in less severe forms that are not dysfunctional in any way, do not impede the development of healthy relationships, do not harm the individual or others, and do not entail criminal offenses. They may be limited to fantasy during masturbation or intercourse with a partner.
What causes paraphilia?
It is not know for certain what causes paraphilia. Some experts believe it is caused by a childhood trauma, such as sexual abuse. Others suggest that objects or situations can become sexually arousing if they are frequently and repeatedly associated with a pleasurable sexual activity. In most cases, the individual with a paraphilia has difficulty developing personal and sexual relationships with others.
Many paraphilias begin during adolescence and continue into adulthood. The intensity and occurrence of the fantasies associated with paraphilia vary with the individual, but usually decrease as the person ages.
How is paraphilia treated?
Most cases of paraphilia are treated with counseling and behavior therapy. Medications may help to decrease the compulsiveness associated with paraphilia, and reduce the number of deviant sexual fantasies and behaviors. In some cases, hormones are prescribed for individuals who experience frequent occurrences of abnormal or dangerous sexual behavior. Many of these medications work by reducing the individual’s sex drive.
How successful is treatment for paraphilia?
To be most effective, treatment must be provided on a long-term basis. Unwillingness to comply with treatment can hinder its success. It is imperative that people with paraphilias of an illegal nature receive professional help before they harm others or create legal problems for themselves.
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Anyway, I hope some of that information helps you to convince your friend to seek counseling & helps both of you better understand his condition..
Take Care,
Melanie
__________________
» pain and suffering are inevitable, but misery is optional «
I'm sorry to hear about the whole situation, but I feel I have to be blunt. Your friend has a problem, and he needs help. Things don't just heal overnight, and whether he makes peace with his brother or not is irrelevant.
Being down about something is normal, but contemplating suicide is not. If he tried this once, he will try again..especially since he's feeling worse now.
Please get him help, Inquisitor. He won't get over this unless you do. Would you rather have a friend who hates you for a short period of time, or a friend who's dead?
creeping crud, thanks for the material and your posts, they may help me deal with this situation a little bit better.
i do know nothing heals overnight. and this will take an immense amount of time to simmer down and cool down, both for my friend, his brother and their family. i told my friend that it maybe the best for him to accept his feelings and let go. i have a feeling that he is struggling with his emotions as to whether to open up to it or shut it off. i also reminded him that despite what had happened he is still part of his family and that he is needed. i also told him that to help him cool off he should for the meantime leave and be somewhere else. he is still completely distraught and immensely depressed, i don;t blame him after what he has gone through. he is angry and hurt. i am trying to get some help for him. having him confront another person to 'cure' him of his 'illness' maybe just too much for him too soon. i will though.
i have also talked to the brother and i feel he also needs to be away. i however have a really bad feeling about him being confronted with this issue ( i told him i know, but he shouldn't worry). he is also very angry and hurt. i told him that what he said about regretting saving his brother was just plain destructive and despicable. i had to say it to his face that no matter what, in any form, his brother still loves him despite what had happened and what will; and that he is still his brother. i don't know how to handle this situation, he said. he told me that he has no misgivings about his thoughts and words earlier, but is really thinking hard about it. but from the way he was talking, i have a feeling it was just a rouse. but i did offer an ear of confidence to him if he needed some help and a friend. they both deserve this right now more than ever.
Shocker Update - very sad 
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