The talk............new relationship - Relationship Health Message Board

Stuff21 · 06-21-2003, 10:48 AM

Hello,

I am in a new relationship with an awesome guy. I really like him, and I am so happy. Except for one thing: I haven't talked to him about a problem I have. My last boyfriend (the only person I have ever had sex with) gave me an STD. After finding this out and breaking up with him, I have been alone, and not wanting to be in a relationship. But then I met my guy, and I have to be truthful to him. I am not the type of person to lie, or hide anything. I have only know this guy for two weeks, but we just seem to click. It's not fair that it has to be like that. I hope someone can give me advice on the best possible way how.

Waiting...................

Blastoff9600 · 06-21-2003, 11:10 AM

Well it depends..if it is an std that you still have and will have the rest of your life then telling is highly important. If it is one that was treatable and you dont have anymore then telling is important but not vital. I know that sounds strange but true. You see with an std that you had and no longer have it doesnt effect your relationship because it is in the past. Now if it is one of those in which you have for life then it is important because you can pass it on to him. That is something he has to be willing to deal with and accept if he wants to continue a relationship with you.
If you think the relationship is heading in the direction of sex then the best way to go about it is talk about protection. You can tell him that you want him to use condoms and dental dams. Then gently tell him that the reason being is you have an std that you got from your ex bf. Let him know what it is and how you have been dealing with it. Tell him you are telling him this to be honest and straight forward with him. You might want to make sure you have info about the std for him to look over. So he can be better educated so he can make his choice. Dont rush him but give him time to think things over.

Audrey-B · 06-24-2003, 05:49 AM

I totally agree with blastoff

HoosierBj · 06-30-2003, 07:20 AM

Another thought: There is a separate Board for "Sexually Transmitted Diseases", just click on it down at the bottom of the page. I'm sure you'll find more people who share your problem.
There are alot of people who are given an STD by the other partner who has not enclosed their disease - it's extremely right of you to do the right thing.

[This message has been edited by Guardian (edited 06-30-2003).]

devastated · 06-30-2003, 08:58 AM

I agree, and yes, it is definately something you need to disclose to your partner before any sexual activity takes place that could put him/her at risk. If you partner truly cares for you, it will work out. I have had to disclose my HPV to 2 partners so far, so I know how hard it is STUFF21, but neither reacted badly, or stopped seeing me. In fact, I married the first one (although we ended up getting a divorce 4 years later), and I am still with the 2nd one...going on a year and a half. You may even be surprised by him having it also....I had a friend that was scared to death of telling her new guy about her herpes, and when she finally did (and yes, it was before they had sex), he laughed and told her that he had it too and was trying to figure out a good time to tell her. Hang in there STUFF21, and good luck! Please don't pay attention to that other poster.