It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-15-2010, 04:29 PM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Tampa, FL, US
Posts: 35
grayblue HB User
Question Advice, please. From men specially

I have been friends with a man for a while and we have been increasingly spending more and more time together alone... I have become interested on him in other ways also. He is one of my best friends, I feel like we have a lot in common as far as hobbies, upbringing, and a lot more... we can also talk about everything and I open up to him and him to me.
The problem is, he is dating one of my friends.
I don't want to loose him as a friend but I also don't think we should be hanging out that much anymore, because it is getting too intense to handle. I think he has some feelings for me as well... he keeps telling me how it is nice that we can talk when he can't really do the same with his girlfriend because she is not a very open person (which I know from experience, she doesn't like to share much with anyone).
Anyway... how do I solve this? Should I talk to him? Should I just stop hanging out with him (remember this means loosing one of my best friends)?

HELP!

 
Old 10-15-2010, 04:36 PM   #2
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: Advice, please. From men specially

Quote:
Originally Posted by grayblue View Post
I have been friends with a man for a while and we have been increasingly spending more and more time together alone... I have become interested on him in other ways also. He is one of my best friends, I feel like we have a lot in common as far as hobbies, upbringing, and a lot more... we can also talk about everything and I open up to him and him to me.
The problem is, he is dating one of my friends.
I don't want to loose him as a friend but I also don't think we should be hanging out that much anymore, because it is getting too intense to handle. I think he has some feelings for me as well... he keeps telling me how it is nice that we can talk when he can't really do the same with his girlfriend because she is not a very open person (which I know from experience, she doesn't like to share much with anyone).
Anyway... how do I solve this? Should I talk to him? Should I just stop hanging out with him (remember this means loosing one of my best friends)?

HELP!


In my honest opinion i think you should back off. He may be your 'best friend' but what about respect for your friend (the girlfriend) ? how would you like it if your boyfriend was getting closer and closer to a friend of yours. sometimes you need to put your feelings aside to stop anything from happening and causing alot of heartache.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 10-15-2010, 04:43 PM   #3
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Tampa, FL, US
Posts: 35
grayblue HB User
Re: Advice, please. From men specially

Quote:
Originally Posted by iloveoctopus View Post
In my honest opinion i think you should back off. He may be your 'best friend' but what about respect for your friend (the girlfriend) ? how would you like it if your boyfriend was getting closer and closer to a friend of yours. sometimes you need to put your feelings aside to stop anything from happening and causing alot of heartache.
True.. I do understand that. It started with all of us hanging out in the same group of friends and then we both found out we have a hobby in common no one else in the group shares so we haven been practicing together and have become closer because of that. It was very innocent (believe me, I didn't plan any of this) I have lots of male friends who are just friends. I am not trying to take him from my friend!! But we do have some training scheduled and I can't just back out without explanation either. Can I?

 
Old 10-15-2010, 04:49 PM   #4
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: Advice, please. From men specially

I think you need to speak to him. Explain that you need to back off as you feel you two feelings are growing for eachother. You say your open and honest and he is with you. Then it shouldnt be diffacult to bring it up. I understand that things just happen sometimes which wasnt meant to happen but its about taking some sort of action.

 
Old 10-15-2010, 04:50 PM   #5
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: Advice, please. From men specially

Can i ask you though....do you want him ? be honest. not like your friend will see this is there.

 
Old 10-15-2010, 05:00 PM   #6
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Tampa, FL, US
Posts: 35
grayblue HB User
Re: Advice, please. From men specially

Quote:
Originally Posted by iloveoctopus View Post
Can i ask you though....do you want him ? be honest. not like your friend will see this is there.
Yes I do! I mean... the only thing holding me back from trying anything is her... because I really care about her also.

And about talking to him about feelings... I got advice from a guy friend not to do it so he doesn't get put in a bad situation. So I was thinking more on the angle of "Us hanging out alone (without other friends around) is making me uncomfortable because you are dating a friend of mine and I she may think something is going on between us" I guess if he has feelings for me and doesn't want to stop seeing me, he'll get the clue he needs to break up with her first?

 
Old 10-15-2010, 05:07 PM   #7
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: Advice, please. From men specially

what do you feel inside that you should do?

 
Old 10-15-2010, 05:09 PM   #8
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Tampa, FL, US
Posts: 35
grayblue HB User
Re: Advice, please. From men specially

Quote:
Originally Posted by iloveoctopus View Post
Can i ask you though....do you want him ? be honest. not like your friend will see this is there.
The thing is... how often do you find a man you can talk to about everything, who has the same crazy interest and hobbies you have, completely responsible, financially secure, and spent the whole morning on Sunday teaching my son how to ride a bicycle??? BTW, he can cook also and he is extremely good looking! So sorry I can't help it! lol

One more thing.. he texts me multiple times a day, even when he is working. He invites me to everything he does (even playing ball with his friends) and every time I stop by his house for any reason he'll make me stay for dinner and cook for me (and my children if they are with me).

Tell me he isn't interested? This is insane!

 
Old 10-15-2010, 05:14 PM   #9
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Tampa, FL, US
Posts: 35
grayblue HB User
Re: Advice, please. From men specially

Quote:
Originally Posted by iloveoctopus View Post
what do you feel inside that you should do?
I've known his girlfriend longer than I've known him. We are part of a very tight group of friends and it already feels like I am stabbing her on the back when I look at him the way I've been.

So I guess it's a no-no until their relationship is over. Right? Should I let this resolve on it's own?

 
Old 10-15-2010, 05:15 PM   #10
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: Advice, please. From men specially

you will get different opinions on here i think.

 
Old 10-15-2010, 05:18 PM   #11
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: Advice, please. From men specially

yeah hes interested its obvious. but say if you with him would you trust him not to get close to another girl with same interests?

 
Old 10-15-2010, 07:01 PM   #12
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Tampa, FL, US
Posts: 35
grayblue HB User
Re: Advice, please. From men specially

Quote:
Originally Posted by iloveoctopus View Post
yeah hes interested its obvious. but say if you with him would you trust him not to get close to another girl with same interests?
You know what? I had to think about this for a minute, but I actually would trust him. Just the fact that he has not ever made a move shows me that I could.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Advice for new role in BF's daughter's life Blonde Girl Parenting Issues 2 10-20-2010 12:34 PM
Please help...need advice on symptoms and treatments chloexoxo TMJ Disorder -TemporoMandibular Joint 0 10-15-2010 09:38 AM
Advice stargrave Multiple Sclerosis 7 02-01-2010 04:20 PM
Whole new experience in my life, how to deal with it? I need advice nana76 Relationship Health 4 10-04-2008 10:30 AM
BPPV Advice Needed(subs?, fchick?) stargrave Inner Ear Disorders 2 06-04-2008 08:53 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (274), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (160), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (105), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1182), MSJayhawk (1015), Apollo123 (913), Titchou (862), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (760), midwest1 (671), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:43 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!