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Old 10-15-2010, 06:50 PM   #1
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ecw101475 HB User
I'm so tired of being angry all the time, and my family is suffering

To make a long story longer (sorry), I quit my job on May 28 (my kids' last day of school, and one week before my husband started truck driving school). I really, truly wanted to be a stay-at-home mom after returning to work after the births of my children

I thought it would get better once the older two started school back in August and it was just the baby and me at home. It is better during the day when it's quiet and peaceful, but as soon as the others get home, all hell breaks loose.

I walk around pretty much constantly angry and irritated, and the *smallest* things that the boys do really just set me off. I'm tired of yelling and screaming, and bitching and complaining to them. I've never physically hurt them (nor will I ever) but I can see how my constant bitchy/irrational/angry moods are starting to affect them.

I'm tired of being a bad mom. I'm tired of yelling at them for something ridiculously trivial and watching their faces crumple and the look of confusion. I'm tired of being so tired all the time. (A lot of it is because I stay up late-ish at night because it's the only peace and quiet I have. I don't mean 1:00 or 2:00 a.m.--I'm usually in bed by 11 and then up at 6 a.m.)

I love my children desperately and I want to be the best mom I can. I'm tired of taking my anger and frustration (for what, I have no clue) out on them. I'm doing a lot of damage, and I'm sitting here crying.

Is there anyone else who's in my position who can offer advice? I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired (and so angry).

Last edited by Administrator; 06-17-2011 at 07:43 PM. Reason: removed cuss words

 
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Old 10-17-2010, 08:25 AM   #2
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Re: I'm so tired of being angry all the time, and my family is suffering

ok! You are NOT a bad MOM. You are doing the best you can under a lot of pressure. You have to find a way to have some 1 on 1 time with YOU. YOU only. I suggest that one day out of the week, you hire a babysitter for a couple of hours....what is the tops that could cost? 30 dollars? And YOU go out and do something for YOU. This will make a tremendous difference with how you feel and help with your exhaustion, burnout and anxiety. Also, while the boys are in school, if you can put the baby in a stroller and WALK a mile or so....at least 3 times a week (walking greatly reduces stress, anxiety and improves mood). Now the HARD part. Establish rules...if they fight...there has to be consequences...take something away from the one who started the fight...or seperate both of them to different rooms for a reasonable period of time...1/2 hour? And stick to it. The most important thing is finding time for yourself..like i said, that ONE day for a couple of hours will make a huge difference. You are basically a single parent...Take advantage of one of the days your husband is home to go and do something BY yourself, with a girlfriend or family member. And another day to get a babysitter and do something with him. If you do all of these things...your anger will be a bit more manageable.

 
Old 10-17-2010, 09:29 AM   #3
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Re: I'm so tired of being angry all the time, and my family is suffering

Quote:
Originally Posted by ecw101475 View Post
To make a long story longer (sorry), I quit my job on May 28 (my kids' last day of school, and one week before my husband started truck driving school). I really, truly wanted to be a stay-at-home mom after returning to work after the births of my three children (ages 6, 5 and 9 months). My husband was in school for three weeks, then started his new job. In a nutshell, I went from almost never seeing my kids (I was gone from 6:45 a.m. to 6:30 p.m.) to seeing them 24/7 by myself (my husband is an over-the-road truck driver and is gone for approximately 23-25 days out of the month).

I thought it would get better once the older two started school back in August and it was just the baby and me at home. It is better during the day when it's quiet and peaceful, but as soon as the boys get home, all hell breaks loose. They need help with their homework, which I want to help them with, but then the baby fusses and nothing calms him, I have to get dinner ready, have to break up their arguments/toy stealing/etc. And, my 5 year old was recently diagnosed with ADHD.

I walk around pretty much constantly ****** off and irritated, and the *smallest* things that the boys do really just set me off. I'm tired of yelling and screaming, and bitching and complaining to them. I've never physically hurt them (nor will I ever) but I can see how my constant bitchy/irrational/angry moods are starting to affect them.

I'm tired of being a bad mom. I'm tired of yelling at them for something ridiculously trivial and watching their faces crumple and the look of confusion. I'm tired of being so GD tired all the time. (A lot of it is because I stay up late-ish at night because it's the only peace and quiet I have. I don't mean 1:00 or 2:00 a.m.--I'm usually in bed by 11 and then up at 6 a.m.)

I love my children desperately and I want to be the best mom I can. I'm tired of taking my anger and frustration (for what, I have no clue) out on them. I'm doing a lot of damage, and I'm sitting here crying.

Is there anyone else who's in my position who can offer advice? I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired (and so GD angry).
I know how you feel! I've been there and occasionally still get p***ed off at little things. My husband works 60 hours a week and is on-call every 4th weekend.......but I have been trying ti remind myself that my boys are 5 and 8 and need me. I decided not to let the laundry piling up to anger me, or the dishes, or the toys everywhere. I tell myself "soon enough they will be older and won't need me....or want to be with me but rather their friends". So I made a decision to make everyday one of peace and love from me. They fight, and cry and do the usual boy stuff, bt I try to remain calm. I tell them I love them everyday!!!!and, yes, homework is a pain! I really feel like their in school for 6 hours and they shouldn't even have homework. But, none the less, they do. You also have a baby, so I understand you have it a litle harder than me. But just keep positive, these are memories they are going to keep for the rest of their lives. They will also learn from you how to deal with stressors and if you yell, they will learn that yellng is how you deal with things. Keep your chin up. Maybe you could find a "mommy group" in your area for local support, too. You are a good mom and those boys love you more than anythig!!!!

 
Old 11-08-2010, 09:49 PM   #4
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Re: I'm so tired of being angry all the time, and my family is suffering

You are not a bad mom, but you do need to take some time for yourself. We are always so hard on ourselfs! I am going thru the same kind of thing, only I have teenagers, my daughter is 15 and son is 13, I home school my son, so I am NEVER alone. My daughter is always pushing my buttons. I never swear unless I am dealing with my kids, how sick is that? My daughter shows so much attitude that it drives me crazy--honestly I don't care if this is 'normal' teenage behavior, I don't think that I should have to put up with the disrespect I get from her. And when I get angry, which is every day, I want to run away. I never seem to feel happy anymore. Yet my husband and kids get along great, they giggle and goof around, I sometimes feel like I am the problem and if I just left all would be well. All I want is to be happy.

I would love to have someone tell me how to do that.

 
Old 01-11-2011, 04:45 AM   #5
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Re: I'm so tired of being angry all the time, and my family is suffering

Thank you for posting this. I'm a mother in her mid 30s, married 10 years and have 5 yr old daughter and 2 yr old son. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me and I should be on medication. The other day I absolutely lost it with my kids. Horribly!! And it was only over a spilled container of crayons. My toddler tossed it, crayons EVERYWHERE! Of course I blew up after the upmteenth time of him doing this. I grabbed him by the arm screaming at him put him in time out. He wouldn't stay so I got eye level with him, screamed at him some more, spanked him, forced him back into time out, cursed and him and my daughter, screamed at her, blamed her...etc. It was bad. I felt like another person. It wasn't me. I would NEVER want to harm my children. I love them, they are my life.

It's like it builds and builds, I feel it I know it's coming. I think, okay here it comes I have to control it, then bam there it is and it's too late. Immediately afterwards I'm balling. I have lost all self control and I've hurt and terrified my children. Who does that!! Me.

It's almost like I'm trying to terrify them, it's my goal to get their attention. Pay attention to me I'm serious. The only way I know how to do that is to scream and yell, throw things, spank them. It's horrible. It's so horrible. I know exactly where I got it...from my own father. I was scared to death of him. He was quiet, but when he yelled watch out. He'd throw my little brother and toss furniture...one time with me in my bed and it broke. I suppose it tramatized me and that's how I've learned to disipline...even though I know it's wrong.

I want to stop. I want to be happy. I want to be a good mom. Those times when I do get angry and start an outburst, I see my children flinch or the fear in their eyes...I think "what have I done!!" This is my fault. I've terrified them to the point of being scared of me. What have I done.

I'm tired. I'm so tired. I think most of my outbursts are caused by my husband. I love him and he does help out. But it almost seems as if he angers me and I take it out on my children. He's a marathoner, so he trains. He runs all the time, gone for hours at a time. Leaving me alone...which actually is fine. I love spending time with my children and he's not in the way...or sitting in front of the and on facebook...which would also anger me. I feel as if he's getting his alone time even if it is running for miles....he's doing something alone and something he enjoys or a hobby. What's my hobby? Where's my alone time? I can't even go to the grocery store alone. I never get to shower alone, and going to the bathroom..when I can get the door shut and locked, there's always pounding and fingers under the door. Where's my time. So, the resentment and the frustration build, it builds quickly and I explode. What the hell.

A couple of months ago my toddler switched from a crib to a toddler bed due to climbing out and getting hurt. It was a LONG 2 months of trying to get him to stay in bed. Even now, still visits me nightly. It was worse than infancy and I actually dealt fine with that lack of sleep. I got myself so worked up and angry seemed like for a solid 2 months because I was the only one trying to get him to bed. My husbands excuse: he'll only deal with you. True. He claimed he would be awake when I was. When was that, your tossing when I got back into bed 2 hours later. You were not awake. I was so angry


<removed>



I thought about leaving, if not just going out to the garage to sleep in the car...I thought about leaving my family. I was so angry I'd take it out on my little ones in the night. I should leave, I'm an unfit mother. Who am I.

So, after this last outburst I decided this is enough. It's affecting my children. My son has temper tantrums that look like a mini version of me. My daughter explodes over little things. I've taught them that this is the appropriate behavior. Can I reverse it? Can I fix them or is it too late is the damage already done? I've broke them. I fear going to a doctor or telling someone what I do. I'm ashamed. I'm afraid of what they'll think of me. Or say yes you are an unfit mother. I don't want to be on medication.

So I've contacted my church. I have a meeting with my priest tomorrow. Even now, I want to cancel it. I don't even want him to know what I do, who I've become. It's not me...who I appear to be on the outside is me...not this monster inside. I don't want anyone else to know that person. I desparately want to cancel my meeting, but I know I shouldn't. If not for the sake of me, for the sake of my children. Oh and lord, we have another snow day today. So we'll all be home together. I made it yesterday but it's 7:30am and he's changed the tv and I already feel the anger building. It's going to be a long day.

Last edited by Administrator; 06-17-2011 at 07:19 PM. Reason: removed inappropriate words

 
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Old 01-23-2011, 05:37 PM   #6
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Smile Re: I'm so tired of being angry all the time, and my family is suffering

It's natural for people to feel and act angry when faced with overwhelming responsibilities and worries, and yes, you experience these things because you are only normal. But getting angry can be controlled. Why not make a schedule of the things you need to do, especially when the boys arrive from school. Better yet, prepare what needs to be prepared before they come home. That way, you would be able to concentrate on the kids, and the household chores won't add to the stress that the they bring. Next thing you should give attention to are the situations that stir your anger, list them and eye on them to be able to anticipate on what's coming. And of course, plan what you will say to them when the situation comes. This should give you enough time to control any outburst of anger, and be able to speak to them in a calmer manner than usual. When you aren't able to control anger, explain them why... And just like what needshelpchris said, tell them how much you love them everyday. Assurance of your love will greatly help.

 
Old 01-28-2011, 06:15 PM   #7
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Re: I'm so tired of being angry all the time, and my family is suffering

Hi lebe

Just wanted to let you know I sympathize with you totally.

Last edited by Administrator; 06-17-2011 at 07:14 PM.

 
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Old 06-15-2011, 11:27 AM   #8
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Thrasherjohnc HB User
Re: I'm so tired of being angry all the time, and my family is suffering

When you figure out how to stop being mad all the time over pain, please tell me so I can try it. I've tried everything, meds, and prayer seem to help but it is short term

 
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