help - Relationship Health Message Board

nick01 · 04-17-2003, 11:51 AM

I am in love with my friends wife and she loves me to and I am also married , I dont know what to do its driving me nuts . we kissed for the first time a couple of weeks ago , we have liked each other for at least 4 or 5 years . It is a very diffucult problem I dont know waht to do.

sweetescape02 · 04-17-2003, 12:46 PM

Well, there are a few options here. You can cheat on your wife with this girl and she can cheat on her husband with you and you both run the risk of losing your spouses. Or you both can fess up to your spouses about the kiss and put it all behind you, if your spouses are willing to forgive you, which I wouldn't. There really is no easy way out. Both of you are married and you should be faithful to the one you're with. How would you feel if your wife was the one on here asking this question? If you feel the need to be with this woman, at least have the decency to leave your wife first.

I will tell you that most relationships that start from cheating are hard because there will always be that constant thought in your head, "If they cheated on someone to be with me, wouldn't they cheat on me to be with someone else?".

More importantly, I think what you're doing with your friend's WIFE shows ultimate disrespect for your friendship. I'm married, but even if I wasn't, I would never in a million years pursue any kind of relationship/affair with a friend's spouse.

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In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul.

[This message has been edited by sweetescape02 (edited 04-17-2003).]

nick01 · 04-17-2003, 02:09 PM

That pretty much somes it up what a total looser I am , it is probaly the worst thing I ever did to my wife , my friend , my family all we did was make out but is so disrespectfull , I just like this girl so much and temptation got the best of me.

sweetescape02 · 04-17-2003, 05:15 PM

Well, I didn't mean to imply that you are a loser! It sounds to me like you feel badly about it so maybe you should just tell your wife what happened. If I were your wife and you told me about it up front instead of hiding it, that would be easier than finding out down the road and knowing you lied. Anyone can work with honesty, but not many people are willing to work with lies.

As for your friend's wife...if I were you, I'd tell your friend up front as well. He may get mad or whatever but trust me, if he hears it from you first, it'll be a lot better for you than if he hears it from his wife first. If you truly value his friendship, you'll be completely honest with him and let him know how bad you really feel. If all else fails, print this out and give it to him, or even your wife. Being honest right now is crucial for you because you and this girl have created a mess that doesn't just involve you, it involves 2 other innocent people who did nothing to deserve what you guys are doing to them.

Like I said in my previous reply, if you feel the need to be with the other woman, do your wife a favor and leave her first. Don't disrespect her any more than you already have. If that's the case, I would also insist to this girl that she do the same. Make it clear to her that you will not be the person she cheats on your friend with!

Don't you wonder, though, if she'll cheat on him with you, who else will she cheat on him with? And how many times she's done this before?

THINK ABOUT IT! Would you really give up your marriage for this girl or is this just a sex thing?

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In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul.

[This message has been edited by sweetescape02 (edited 04-17-2003).]

maryett · 04-17-2003, 06:24 PM

I agree with Sweetescape, you should either stop now - nip it in the bud and focus on your relationship with your wife; or leave your wife. But just don't have an affair. As Sweet said put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself if you would like it if she was seeing another man behind your back.