how do we fix things? - Relationship Health Message Board

wazzle · 08-14-2003, 05:25 AM

this is my first time on this board. I'm 19 and i've been dating my boyfriend of 20 for over 8 months now. problem is that we just can't get along. we fight all the time over stupid things, and then we're both too stubborn to fix things. i love him, and we want to be together, but we can't be together like this. any suggestions would be super helpful. we've tried everything we can think of. thanks

HoosierBj · 08-14-2003, 08:43 AM

Maybe, just maybe, you love him, but he's not the right guy for you...
I just don't think it's rational to believe that every relationship before we get married has to work. We'd all be married to the kid we fell for in 9th grade.
Sometimes it just doesn't work out - that's why people date so that they can break-up if things aren't right.
That way you're free to meet the right guy when he comes along.
Love doesn't mean that things always work out.

If you knew that there was a guy out there who loved you and you loved him, who held similar beliefs about the things that mattered so that you didn't argue all the time, who was your best friend with your interests at heart.... Wouldn't you want to be free to meet him?

Creeping Crud · 08-14-2003, 08:50 AM

Hey linzy,

It's rather hard to speculate about how to fix things if we're really not sure what's broken.. Based on your post, I can only assume that your biggest problems are youth and a lack of communication..

As far as the youth portion goes, people tend to be a lot more passionate and exuberant about their opinions when they're young - especially males.. Chances are, a lot of it is purely hormonal.. That's not a bad thing, mind you, it's just a fact..

The best thing that I could suggest based on the information you've supplied is that you sit down with your boyfriend and talk to him.. Try to be more patient with one another.. Let him know that you love him and that you want to try to make things better.. Let him know that he doesn't have to express his opinions angrily or get upset when your opinions differ.. And, of course, you must be willing to practice what you preach..

There will always be clashes and differences of opinion in any relationship.. How you choose to deal with them affects whether or not your relationship survives.. If you can't have a discussion without getting angry and fighting with each other (and then can't apologize for what you've said), the future of your relationship will likely be bleak..

Also, it doesn't hurt to be the bigger person.. You have to learn how to forgive and forget, just as he does.. I can't tell you how many times I've apologized to my fiance - not because I thought I was wrong, but because silly little things aren't worth getting all worked up over.. It's just a sacrifice that you have to make sometimes..

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck.. Others might be able to provide more helpful advice if you went into a little bit more detail about your relationship..

Take Care,
Melanie

kbunch · 08-14-2003, 12:59 PM

My friend Dustin and his girlfriend are in this situation. They love each other and want to be together, but fight all the time, and its over the stupidest things in the world. In fact, Dustin says that he worries about their relationship if they don't fight at least once a day.

Why be in a relationshp where you aren't happy? You might love him, but is love worth giving up your happiness? Ask yourself that question and think about it.

wazzle · 08-14-2003, 02:25 PM

thanks for the advice. the thing is that neither of us want to end it, but that's what going to happen if we can't fix things. we need to stop fighting the way we do. i'm a very emotional girl, and that doesn't help matters at all. my boyfriend was very sensitive to this at the beginning of our relationship, but now he claims that he has "no more patience" for all the times i overreact to little things. you know, i just can't help it. i wish things didn't bother me as much as they do. it would make things so much easer.