Angry - Relationship Health Message Board

jasmine30 · 08-14-2003, 06:26 AM

Hi ya'll,

Iam so angry at my Dad!!!He came to my house a few days ago and made it known to me that he was fixin to make a will and leave his place to my Aunt and a Cousin.

I knew something was up the other night because he called me and his Sister was at his house.This tears me,angers me,and down right hurts my feelings.

Iam his only child,his flesh and blood.He told me that the cousins Mother could live there and make a living off the production of the land.

I cant understand why he is always worrying about other peoples future and not mine!!He acts like he hates my guts.

I have never done anything to place grief on him.I have bent over backwards to help him with no appreciation or thanks in return.

Iam going to tell him I dont want to see him or talk to him ever again.I dont want anything to do with him.He has never been a Dad,he *****es and gripes about everything.

He has pushed me to the limit this time and well...I frankly dont care if he lives or dies.

HoosierBj · 08-14-2003, 12:44 PM

Jasmine, I have absolutely no idea how I can help you, but I did want to say that you must be feeling so absolutely positively hurt right now.

In the long run the damage your dad has done to his relationship with you may be longer lasting than any money or property he could have left you.

His loss (the loss of a daughter in this way) is still the greater you know...

jasmine30 · 08-14-2003, 01:48 PM

Hoosier,

Iam hurt and angry.Our relationship hasnt been the best in a very long time,yet Ive been right by his side thru thick and thin.

I dont hate my Dad,however Iam beginning to wonder.Money isnt the most important thing to me,yet Iam his Daughter and instead of thinking of my future he is thinking of everyone elses.

I have bent over backwards to help him.He never nd I repeat NEVER tells me that he loves me,hugs me,looks at the positives in my life,doesnt appreciate anything I do.

A person can take only so much.I dont care if its family or who it is,we simply shouldnt sit back and take this kind of treatment.

HoosierBj · 08-14-2003, 02:00 PM

I wonder if anyone here on the boards as had as hurtful an experience with immediate family as you have had.
The closest I come is with a sister-in-law who doesn't like the fact that I've taken some time off from working while she can't.
She is so nasty that I have put her on permanent "ignore". At family get togethers I manage to be on the other side of the room, or turned away, etc.
I can't change her, but you can certainly avoid people like her.

The other thought I had is that you not give your dad the satisfaction of having made you an angry bitter person. He may not be giving the whole deal much thought all the while it is eating you up inside... He doesn't deserve to have so much control over your feelings. You truly are better than that.
Hell, send him a Christmas Card this year and really bug the crap out of him! He'll be expecting to have ruined the rest of your life and you'll be doing the LaLaLa's around him...

Psychology sure comes in handy sometimes don't you think? And so much more satisfying than T.P.'ing even!!

Creeping Crud · 08-14-2003, 03:22 PM

Hey jasmine,

In response to HoosierBj's wonderings, I have a personal story to share.. Bear with me because this might be a long one..

My grandmother is somewhat similar to your father.. The only difference is that she's physically abusive, emotionally abusive and she's addicted to prescription pain medications (which some people think is an excuse for her behavior, but I personally do not).. She's an evil, spiteful woman who attempts to be vindictive at every turn..

My issue isn't with money either, but hers is.. She thinks that everyone wants her money.. I could care less about her money.. I own a business, I'm moderately successful and it bothers me that she talks about everyone in her family that way.. I haven't even told her where I live because I don't want her pity birthday and Christmas checks (a whopping $75 a year) because I know that she'll just use the fact that she sends them as yet another reason to berate me..

But, I digress.. The point is that she's gone out of her way to make everyone think that she's an angel (even though 95% of her family has alienated her because she's really a devil in disguise).. She says that we're only after her money, but I always spent more on gifts for her and my grandfather than I ever received.. She claims that nobody ever thanked her for her "generosity", but I wasn't ever thanked either.. She even went so far as to write all of her grandchildren out of her will.. Nice attitude, huh?

But I don't think that your issue is money either.. Your issue is love, isn't it? When you see past all of the petty stuff, all you want is for your dad to love you.. Money doesn't buy love and possessions don't buy love.. Believe me, that's all I ever wanted from my grandmother too.. Unfortunately, she's just not capable of it..

I gave her chance after chance to redeem herself and not be the gossipy, hurtful person that everyone in her family knows that she is.. Unfortunately, her chances ran out one day.. When I found out that she was talking bad about my hubby-to-be (even though she always said that she loved him to his and my face) and spreading nasty rumors about my mom, that was the last straw..

I cut her off.. No more communication.. Her words hurt, her actions hurt and I didn't feel any need to expose myself to either of them any longer.. She doesn't have my phone number, she doesn't have my address and I have her blocked on my email account.. I just didn't need the trauma anymore, you know?

There are a lot of people out there who want to believe that blood is thicker than water, but that isn't always the case.. Sometimes you have to make a decision for your peace of mind and well being.. Sometimes you have to remove people from your life if they constantly hurt you.. Is that selfish? Maybe.. But you're the only person who is going to take care of you..

I'm not suggesting that you remove your father from your life without giving it a tremendous amount of thought first.. Like I stated previously, I let my grandmother hurt me & the people that I love time and time again before I put my foot down and decided that it just wasn't worth it.. I saw her throw my cousin across the room by her hair, for goodness sake.. How wrong is that!?!?

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do.. I just wanted to share my story with you so you didn't feel like you were completely alone..

Take Care,
Melanie