Big problem.... - Relationship Health Message Board

staind00 · 08-14-2003, 12:53 PM

This might sound really stupid but it's really a big problem for me...

Me and my boyfriend are young, but we're really in love.. At this young age we can comfortable say that we plan to spen dthe rest of our lives together, get married, have kids, etc. But the thing is, i am constantly scared of being cheated on (he swears hed never do it, and i believe him) But i hear studies questioning if men could be faithful to one person their whole lives.. Everytime he brings up one of this girls from the past (Though hes never had sex wtih them, we were each others firsts) I get really jealous and this other part of me thinks he still has a thing for all of them, though he swears and inside i really know he dosnt, I just cant help it.. He also plans to go out to strip clubs when hes old enough.. Which i am totally against.. I feel that its completely wrong and that he shouldnt be there when hes with me becuase its like looking at other naked girls.. This is just a really big problem for me, We're always getting in arguements about it.. It literally drives me crazy, I don tknow waht to do.. Do i need some kind of help, does anyone else have this type of mental thing? Anyone have an opinion, Id really appreciate it, Thanks!

KaysMom · 08-14-2003, 01:53 PM

Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Does he give you any reason not to trust him? If he does, maybe you should rethink the relationship. If he doesn't, you need figure out why you are so insecure. By constantly making accusations you could alienate him. Don't sweat the small stuff. If you expect him to never notice another female ever again for the rest of his life, then you are putting unrealistic expectations on him. Men are visual creatures. I'm neutral on the strip club thing. I, personally, feel that its harmless as long as it isn't a frequent habit. Why does he talk about past flames? Does he intentionally try to make you jealous? Maybe that is something you both need to address. I took it from your post that you are both very young? How long have you been together? I believe true love can happen at any age. Just remember to give each other enough room to grow. That way, your relationship can grow with you.

Djin · 08-14-2003, 02:15 PM

Staind, if I didn't look at who wrote the post, I'd almost swear it was me! I have the same issue you do, yet I realize that the problem is with ME, not with my boyfriend. It really has less to do with age than it has to do with your level of insecurity. I know that my boyfriend would never, ever cheat on me. (He knows what would happen to him if he did!) He had two relationships before me, though neither was sexual (we, too, were eachother's first). We've been together nearly three years, yet sometimes I get these bizarre thoughts in my head, such as "what if he hooked up with his ex girlfriend (whom he still works with on occasion)?" or, "what if he meets some hot girl at his new job and he finds her better looking and more interesting than me?" Or worse yet, he had a crush on a mutual friend of ours before we started dating. Even though I KNOW there is NOTHING to that any more, I still have this fear that one day I'll walk in on them making out or something. Now that is completely ridiculous.

You see what I mean? I have NO idea where these insecure thoughts come from, all I know is that they have nothing to do with him. He has never given me a reason not to trust him. But, like you, I see evidence every day, both in mainstream media and on these boards, of guys who cheat on their women, and it scares me. Then I think, wait, of all my friends who have husbands or boyfriends, how many have cheated? Answer: None.

I'm still working on this issue, so don't expect it to go away overnight. But do explain this to your boyfriend. He needs to know that you trust him.

As for the strip clubs, I'm a little torn. On one hand, I don't have a problem with, for example, pornography. As long as no one is being exploited illegally or against their will, to each their own. But something about having him go see nude women cavort around bugs me a little. I don't want to think that anyone could turn him on but me. But on the other hand, I know he loves me and thinks I'm totally hot, so I shouldn't feel insecure. So, if he ever decides to go, I'm going to go with him. (He's totally cool with that idea, and wants to buy ME a lap dance!)

Anyway, that's my take on things. Hope I've been somewhat of a help to ya! Take care.

staind00 · 08-14-2003, 02:37 PM

Thanks so much.. I'm glad someone else has the same insecurity issues as i do.. lol I think those same exact things as you.. I just think maybe Ill just grow out of it.. thanks for your thougths and your advice!!

gurlsandbois · 08-14-2003, 04:04 PM

girl i feel the same why i am young 2 and that how me and my boi are but at first i had no trust u was scared to get hurt and i am still scared i have broke up wid him 3 time 2 teast if he realy loves me and each time he had tryed so so so hard 2 say with me so i guess he does love me but what i think there are more then just him out there...