DOnt understand - Relationship Health Message Board

ForgetMeKnot · 08-13-2003, 07:02 PM

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years. We have broken up before but they've only lasted a day, maybe two days the most. In the begining, he seldomly wanted to do stuff, just when we were getting to know each other..So I figured he probably feels I'm still a stranger to him. We finally started dating, and we started doing less and less, and got more intimate with each other, and everything seemed pretty good, we would even go to movies seldom, but usually once a month.

After dating for about a year and a half with continous day break ups, and fighting on the internet, (and his possessiveness getting worse), because he got mad when I went to the store, thinking I flaunt myself for other guys, which I seriously dont(just because I like to do my hair and makeup), other guys dont even go through my head, or when I do soemthing with my friends he doesnt trust me at all...we broke up one day and I went to the movies with my cousin and met a guy, and he kissed me. After that I lied to my boyfriend about stuff, but he soon found out, and it all came out. That has been almost 5 months ago, and he is even more possessive, and at the same time he wont let me go anywhere, and calls me a ****(i dont run around and party, never been drunk or high,and have only been with him), and only ever wants to go to his house, where we obviuosly have sex, and thats the ONLY thing we ever do anymore...never wants to come to my house to visit me(behalf that my parents think there is something wrong with him), shop, go out to eat, go to a movie, go to the park, i mean we live in a boring town and there is only so much to do, but the things that we can do he just wont do.

ONly his house, and all we do is have sex, i mean I cant go on much longer, im stuck in my house all day, and then when I want to go plan something with him its only his bedroom and sex, every other night, when we plan on doing things.

But when I try to tell him that he is going to have to start doing something with me, instead of sex, and his four walls in his bedroom, because I mean I love him more than anything but he wont budge to go anywhere....And he always tells me "fine go find someone else that is more exciting than me since u dont like me cuz im boring"...and thats not it, and it gets so frustrating, beccause its not like that I love him, and want to spend time doing everything with him, not just sex, or his house all the time. He also never calls me, I ask him to call my phone house or cell phone, and neither...He also never wants to go out where there is going to be a lot of people....Ive said maybe u need a counselor and he gets all ****ed at me.

I am sorry this is so long, but this has been going on for more than a year, and even got worse after I lied to him, which I thought was going to be finally it between us because he just wouldnt get his *** up and do anything with me. But i love him too much to just leave him.He even got me a ring, and says im the world to him, and its me that keeps him going...

I just dont understand why he wont do other things with me...like hes embarassed of me or something:-\

dancing_angel#1 · 08-13-2003, 08:44 PM

I am not sure but he might have social angziety. He might be afraid to go out and be with other people or he just gets nervous about being with other people. Or he could just love sex. Mabey if he dose not like to go out you can rent a movie and watch it at his house. Or ask him to do somthing that he might like to do besides sex. I know that you Love him and everything but if he is ot going to do things that you like to do and make compramises then mabey he really dose not love you as much as he says. If he did he would want to do things besides having sex with you. I am not so sure that he loves you as much as he loves the sex but I do not know. That is just what it sounds like to me.
If he dose have this social angzity there is medication he can take to make it better but he would have to agree to go to a docter which you said that if you bring that up he gets upset with you. You really need to sit down and talk with him and rethink if he really loves you or the sex. He might love both i don't know... I hope that I helped in some way it was just a thought...
valerie

ForgetMeKnot · 08-13-2003, 09:24 PM

Social angziety...Hmm That is questionable..He was taken out of public school after third grade, and has been homeschooled, or more like he likes to say "private school" but he picked up his work, and stuff and brought them home to work on.

Whenever I question him about being embarrassed of me of going into public or doin something, hes like No thats never it why do you always have to think that, etc etc. Like im a weirdo or something for feeling that way.

Ive said your a sex addict and hes like HA no you are! Maybe it makes him feel better to put it on someone else when he knows it..He has porns, plenty of them, he says he never looks at, but i wonder why he still has them, but its a guy thing anyways i think. It doesnt bother me that he has porns, but social angziety is a big question here, and we have went and got movies, thats all we do cuddle to watch a movie/tv/sattellite and soon its sex, hes worse than my 80 year old grandfather, about getting out and going to do something.

He does go lifting weights, but he only goes at night when no one else is there..Most of them time about 11:30 pm to almost 1 am. I know that is where he is, because I have checked before, and I know he wouldnt cheat on me.

Maybe I am just really confused and very eager to get all his trust back again, which i dont have beacuse of lies 5 months ago, when it finally got tot he point that if he wouldnt go out to a movie with me, i would go out without him...Bad approach.

roni624 · 08-13-2003, 11:14 PM

If he is as possesive as you say he is then you may want to rethink this relationship you have with him. There is definatley something wrong with him. Maybe a little machoism combined with severe insecurities? Sweetheart, I know you say you're in love with him but think of all the things you don't like about him. Sex is great to have but you need to date and do things together outside of the house and bed. The kiss at the movies says you are in need of attention(in a good way). I am more than sure you would not have any problem finding someone who cares for you and would like to show you off to the world. If I were you...I would love myself first and find someone who wants others to see us together. You are not some trophy collecting dust on a shelf. Good Luck Hon.-Roni

ForgetMeKnot · 08-13-2003, 11:35 PM

What you said makes a lot of sense to me.

I always want to show us off together,and go to the store, and go to a movie, and I mean not just to show us off and show that we are happy together, but to do something outside of the bedroom. I really need it, and I tell him I need attention, and he flips out saying that I need attention from every guy, and if not him then another guy and he says it in a bad way, when in naturally of course a girl would want attention from a guy. I am a shy girl too, so its not like im running around or bouncing on every guy I see.

Right now I am trying to talk to him about this, and all he says is "shut up all you do is complain and im sick of hearing it"...I dont know what else to do. He said that He wont go to the movies/store etc because its all I want to do....Well I asked him if that was just it and he told me to shut up (all online talking).

My parents dont like him, and thinks hes a hermit...They said if I dont get away from him now, that his possessiveness will get really bad than it is already, and they're scared Ill end up an abused wife with cops at the house every other night. Hes never hurt me at all befor, and I have told him this, and he said he would never hurt me.

Right now I am trying to get to the words "social anxiety" and its really hard, he is being very moody. When I go to his house and his gma and aunt are in the kitchen he will bring me around to the front, or vice versa...I am not too sure why either.

ive tried to leave him but i always find myself on the phone right after the break up calling him or late at night calling him....