should i confront him? - Relationship Health Message Board

nixie · 08-17-2003, 10:04 AM

I want some opinions on whether I should confront my (ex?) boyfriend about our apparent break up or if I should wait until he contacts me. Yes, he just blew me off and I am expecting to hear from him eventually but I don't know. I know it is probably best to just move on and forget about him but i am the type of person that needs completion. Last time I talked to him we were going to meet up but both ended up having to work, no fights ever. I still care for him and I am not going to fight with him.
He is not returning my calls and doesn't live near me. What do you all think I should do? Just go over there? write him a letter (but I may never get a reply)? wait for him to contact me and try to forget him? Or just assume I will never hear from him and forget about it? but I know unresolution will get to me!
I know the guy is a jerk already, how should I deal with this unconfronted assumed break up disapppearance thing?!

littleone314 · 08-17-2003, 10:54 AM

I know exactly what you are going thru and I know the need of closure. It's horrible after a breakup period...you don't need the feeling of wonder. I had a 10 month relationship end this way and it's been 3 years and we still haven't spoken a word to each other. I gave up (finally) after a year. Do you mind me asking what you ended the relationship over? I think that might help a little more to know why yall broke it off. If I were you...I would wait a few days before contacting him. This gives both you of you time to think things over some more. If after those few days you still haven't heard from him I think you DESERVE an answer. But, like I said if you don't mind what did you end up braking up over?

HoosierBj · 08-17-2003, 11:58 AM

Same thing happened to me after a relationship of 2 1/2 years... He had an ex-girlfriend from 3 yrs earlier contact him out of the blue. Got real evasive, was trying to hang onto me I think until he was sure about her..

So, I tracked him down to a softball game I knew he would be at. Anything like that in your boyfriend's life where you can show up?? But make NO scene. Don't even GO if you don't think you can control yourself.

I just asked if I could speak with him and basically cornered him into admitting "he loved her more".
Like you I needed closure, but I already knew it was over. I had his stuff from my apt. in my trunk and shifted it to his car and left without looking back.

(Met my husband six months later by the way)

nixie · 08-17-2003, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by littleone314:
Do you mind me asking what you ended the relationship over? I think that might help a little more to know why yall broke it off.

well I don't really know why we broke up. We actually have not even broke up yet. He has just disappeared, won't answer my calls, won't call me back. If we were having any problems it would be that he works an awful lot and doesn't have time for me. But I told him it is not a huge deal for me because I have a lot going on, but he does need to call me a couple times a week and try to see me once a week. I didn't even demand that though but i did tell him to please call me.

I am so confused because last time I saw him it had been a week and a half since I had heard from him. He didn't have a phone but he definately had access to one. he has one now.
So I asked if everything was okay with me & him and he said with exasperation that I was the best thing he had going for him. And he had previously invited me on a couples camping weekend for the end of august and I asked him if it was still on and he said yeah and he had pre ordered our cases of beer! ha ha! The camping trip was a big deal cuz there I was finally gonna meet his sister, her fiance and his cousins. I think the trip was a big deal for him because he is kind of the black sheep in his family. He has a shady past (gangs & petty crime, homeless, etc)and he is trying to change. He is a very sweet guy who battles with insecurity and he has had a lot of tragedy in his life. I am always draw to those broken wing types. But I don't put up with getting hurt.
Sorry for going on and on. I just don't know why he has shut me off. Do you think i should go to his house and call him on his negligent behavior? I can probably wait 2 more weeks before I confront him. And if I do I will be oh so cool about it, like I always am dealing with break ups. I like to keep that higher ground. I don't think there is another woman. I think he knows he was wrong about dissin me when he had invited me somewhere and he is assuming he probably damaged our relationship. But I JUST DON"T KNOW! wah!

Lindarella · 08-18-2003, 12:02 AM

Seriously, you have a boyfriend that just disappeared, won't return your calls, ignores you. What are you thinking? This isn't a boyfriend, it's a loser and a user.

You don't need closure, you need to forget the loser and move on. Why would you care what he thought or what he's thinking? People who treat you like this don't care about you one iota, not one iota.

Move on with your life. Forget the zero and get yourself a hero..... What more in the form of answers could you need than someone who doesnt' give enough of a crap about you to even bother with you? THAT is your answer...I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU ENOUGH TO EVEN CONTACT YOU.