alchohol--does it bring out the "truth"? - Relationship Health Message Board

LiSa42069 · 08-15-2003, 02:30 PM

i have been with my boyfriend, brett, for almost 11 months. we are very much in love, and best friends on top of that. honestly, i could not ask for anything else in a relationship. but...
whenever i get drunk, or even a little tipsy, i find myself wanting to meet other guys. If him and I are at a party together, and I have been drinking, I'll run off and try to avoid him so I can flirt and talk with other guys. In the beginning of our relationship, I cheated on him a few times because of my stupid drunk habits.
I have always been pretty wild, espcially when i drink. i absolutly love the thrill of seeing if i can get the best looking guy at the party. i hate this! when i am not drunk i have no desire for other guys, i truly love brett with all my heart. i dont know what is wrong with me. i dont know if being drunk brings out the truth in myself or not. i can honestly say that if i was drunk at a party with my girlfriends and he was not there, i would probably cheat on him. i feel terrible and i am disgusted with myself. i see other girls who can drink at a party and still hang around their b/f the entire time and be fine with that, and who (swear) they would never cheat. i wonder why i am not like that. i never told my b/f about cheating on him, because i feel it just a stupid part of me that will never go away, and the (two) guys i did cheat on him with meant absolutly nothing to me.
can anyone relate to my situation? sorry this is kinda long, i really needed to vent.

dancing_angel#1 · 08-15-2003, 02:39 PM

I think that you need to tell your bf you cheated on him he might find out from someone else that saw you at the party and that would not be good that would hurt him anymore. If you think that you are going to be at a party that you might not be abel to control your self at then I would not drink at the party. Mabey you can talk to him about the way you feel be honest with him and he might have a way to help you stop wanting to desire other guys when you are drunk. I think that when you are drunck you are not sure what you are doing and things happen that you really do not want to happen so I do think that you really love your bf it is not bringing out the true you because you are not yourself when you are drunk but I advise you to tell you bf about the previous times of cheating on him it might hurt but if he finds out from somone else it will hurt more and that could ruin your realtionship and if you explain the situtaion like you did on here that he will understand but you really need to talk to him about what happens when you get drunk I wish you the best and hope everything turns out okay..
Valerie

GriffinS09 · 08-15-2003, 10:30 PM

Alcohol impairs your ability to think rationaly.

That's all that needs to be said.

But I'll go on.

I'm a guy and I believe very strongly, that sex is an act of love. I don't condem sleeping with random people. Yet when I drink, I just don't care. Which often slams me in the bed of someone of whome I either don't know, or don't care about. Alcohol will make a person do thing's that would probobly not be done when sober.

Alcohol doesn't bring out the 'truth' of your feeling twords your boyfriend. It brings out nothing but irrational thought's.

If you ask me, I say quit drinking. If you really love your boyfriend, then you would stop drinking to get drunk, and or tipsy. If you KNOW what alcohol makes you do, and at the same time know it may cause an end to your relationship, why continue to drink?

I cheated once in my life, and I was drunk when I did it. I still drink when I am in relationships, but safeguard myself against cheating. I bring friend's of whome I know will watch out for me, and make sure I don't do, and or say anything wrong.

Redhead23 · 08-19-2003, 02:49 AM

Have to agree with Griffin - if getting plastered makes you do stuff that you regret, then don't do it.

Try drinking in moderation(i.e. get tipsy but not plastered enough to do stupid stuff that you'll regret), I'm fairly sure that EVERYONE deep down knows their limit (i.e. how much you can drink while still funcitoning more or less "normally"), so try to stick to 1 drink less than your limit and try to drink more slowly at parties, have some pop inbetween or drink something that has less alcohol in it.

If you can't drink in moderation and still enjoy yourself, then I'd seriously think about staying off the booze for a while!

Dai · 08-19-2003, 08:11 AM

I'd say when we drink we tend to lose our inhibitions and think less of the consequences of our actions. Some people change a lot when they're drinking, some people change very little. Alcohol itself doesn't make us do anything, it just gives us a push to a certain direction.

There must be a hidden reason why you are acting this way and you should give it a think what it is. Is your boyfriend too much of a nice guy, do you secretly fantasize of a wild exciting hunk? Or has this happen before, when you've been with someone else... in another words, is this about Brett or is it about you?
Do you think this could tell you something about your deepest feelings towards him?

If Brett is not likely to find this out I suggest you should not tell him. Why make him feel miserable?
It might be a good idea for you to drink less, too.
Good luck with everything.