One-Sided Friendship - Relationship Health Message Board

kewlgirl · 09-23-2003, 08:41 AM

I just broke ties with a guy that I've been close to for 6 years (or so I thought). He's been one of my best friends for ages and he's always come running to me whenever things in his life go wrong.

He just recently informed me that he was seeing someone and was afraid that our close friendship would interfere with this new girl, so in other words I was told to go away and we aren't friends anymore.

I was deeply offended by this since I thought our six-year friendship had more substance than a girl he's only known for three days!!! I decided that I don't need to be ashamed or make excuses for being friends with him.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that **I** am the one that does all the work in our friendship, the phone calls, the e-mails, me doing things for him.

I actually asked myself what he has done for me, and was shocked when I finally realized that he has done NOTHING!! It's all been me.

Now as much as I love this man as a friend, I finally decided yesterday that enough is enough and refuse to do any more for him. I suddenly feel strangely alone and although I miss talking to him and would love nothing more to jump on the phone to let him know I'm still around, I suddenly feel like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I think deep down I had a lot of insecurities and worries that if I didn't do this or that for him that he wouldn't be there for me. And he's not........

I guess if he doesn't come around ever again it's his loss, not mine. I gave him enough. I got the nerve to tell him off and told him if he wants my friendship, he's going to have to return the favor a time or two, because I've had enough!!

Dai · 09-24-2003, 09:02 AM

kewlgirl,

This guy is letting your friendship go so easily. You are offended for a good reason. Reading your story, he never was your true friend. A friend is never someone who comes running to you only whenever HE has problems but is not there when you'd need help. It's a two way street. Also you do not abandon a friend for a new girl/boyfriend.

I am sorry to ask this, but was there ever during your friendship a romantic interest between you two? I get the feeling between the lines, but could be wrong. That might explain why he wants you to go, now that he has a new girlfriend. Also it might explain your willingness to do so many things for him. (Sorry if I'm reading it all wrong)

Maybe it would be better should you forget him altogether, he was a bad friend so why would you invite him in your life again. Don't leave any room for an "in case" scenario. He made his choice, good riddance! You will make new friends and no doubt will be a good friend to anyone.

Take care

Summer Girl · 09-24-2003, 09:36 AM

I wouldn't be friends with him even if he did come around. Chances are that his relationship with this girl he just met may not work out. If he never did anything for you within your friendship with him then most likely he will not do anything for this new girl. If it doesn't work out I am sure he will come running to you when he has no one else. That is not a real friendship. He proved that he is no friend of yours already. Plus, what he has done also proves that he will do the same thing again to you again if he does meet another girl after this one. Do yourself a favor, stay away from him. He is no friend.

[This message has been edited by Summer Girl (edited 09-24-2003).]

Trinity Star · 09-24-2003, 10:08 AM

I have to agree with the two posts above.
He is no way a friend. If you want to become friends with him, keep this in mind: If he doesn't stay with this girl, he will eventually find another one and he will do the same thing to you again. He is not a friend.