Well, I did it...... - Relationship Health Message Board

Butterfly8 · 09-24-2003, 11:11 AM

Well, I've been thinking about taking a break from my b/f after 7 years and I have finally done it. I know how much this is hurting him and it is killing me. He is so upset. I am feeling so upset right now and I don't know if it is because I know I hurt him, or if I did the wrong thing. I want to call him and tell him to forget the whole thing, but I also want to take this time for myself. This is the hardest thing I have ever done!

Seven years is such a long time and I can't believe I am feeling this way. I though sure that he was the one, and now I am having doubts! Why is this happening to me??

Nikki

bigror · 09-24-2003, 11:16 AM

I guess my question to you is what kind of doubts are you having specifically? Are you wondering if there is someone else? Have you met another guy and feel infatuated with him? Is your boyfriend abusing you in some way? Or are things just simply too comfortable? The way you're feeling really depends on the type of doubt your are having, so please give some more information.

Butterfly8 · 09-24-2003, 11:22 AM

I am feeling a lot of what you said. I have met someone else that I am attracted to, but I am trying not to let that have any impact on my decision. My b/f has issues with marriage and even living together and than has just made me pull away from him. It's almost like my feelings are just changing. I am becoming a different person and I don't know if we fit together anymore. That is what I am trying to figure out. The last time we were together, intimately, something felt very different. I just can't put my finger on what it was.

I recently took a trip to New Hampshire with Girl friends and had so much fun with out having b/f there, and that is where i met this other guy. I just feel that if I was sure he was the one, as I have felt in the past, then I shouldn't be having these doubts.

Nikki

bigror · 09-24-2003, 11:46 AM

Well then my response would be to sit back and think for a while BY YOURSELF. If you've read this board, you would notice that a lot of people get this feeling of attraction for someone else while being intimately involved with someone else. The general consensus is that you're nothing more then infatuated with this new person. Your infatuation with your current boyfriend wore off a long time ago and what you're now in is a committment type of love. I would suggest you make sure you figure out the difference between the two. Your infatuation is nothing more then that... an infatuation. It's something new and different. On top of this, it seems like you have a big problem with yoru boyfriend not wanting to get married. This to me seems where a major problem lies. You said it's making you almost pull away. If you haven't told him how you want to be married (and I mean sat him down and kept him there until he completely understood you) then you need to do that. You might be letting yourself get these feelings like things aren't going well because you're simply not communicating with him. I too have had this problem in the past with my girlfriends. Guys really don't get it sometimes until you force them to. The first step for you is to sit down and truly think by yourself. Don't listen to opinions of your girlfriends, or your parents, or anyone else. You by yourself. Think about this other man and decide if it is just infatuation and if pursuing what's probably just a fling romance is worth throwing 7 years away. If the problem is more in the fact that your BF simply doesn't want to be married and I'm guessing you want to, then you need to discuss this with him along with any other issues you may have that he hasn't understood yet. Trust me, communication is huge when big issues come up such as disagreement with regard to marriage, kids, living style, etc. Above all, please make a smart decision. Running away with another man could be something you regret later on. If it is what you truly want, then by all means go, but make sure you know it's not issues that you just haven't truly worked through with your boyfriend of 7 years.

SophiaM · 09-24-2003, 12:02 PM

Butterfly, don't break up with your boyfriend. Insist on marriage but don't break up. You're feeling all these feelings because of built-up resentment and because you're hurt that your boyfriend won't get down on his knee and propose to you in the most romantic way. Well, the truth is that most men are at least somewhat apprehensive about marriage, and it might not be as romantic as you wish. You might have to give him a push, so to speak. Ask him if he thought about the two of you getting married. If he says he's not ready, aks him why not and try to resolve his objections. Tell him you're expecting to be married within say, 6 months, then drop the subject. If nothing happens by then, by all means leave him. But don't leave without at least giving it a try.